Tag: midnight cowboying

Cowboy Meets Sunset – The Last Long Sweet Kiss Good-bye

Samson was going all out, catching a stride that almost felt like floating. Though he was more known for his cutting skills, and bravery among bulls, he was showing me in a pinch he could also be a race horse. But even with his gallant effort, he was still a good five lengths back from the steed carrying my rose.

Down we galloped into valley, playing lover’s games as rode down tree-lined country lanes. She would look back, her long black hair flowing like pozos lit by an angel’s halo from the large Mexican harvest moon. We raced towards the music that was waffing over the next ridge.

Samson did his best to catch her filly, since he felt the same about that horse as I did it’s rider, but it was all for not. You can never truly ever catch a rancher’s daughter from the El Bajio. 

Midnight Cowboying – 1953

Okay, show of hands, who remembers 1953? Don’t be shy, I know there are few here who fondly remember that year. It was just yesterday to some, all those years ago. America was in its post-war prime.

Ah yes, 1953. Quite a year! The movie Peter Pan premiered at the Roxy Theatre, New York City. The first transsexual Christine Jorgenson returns to New York after successful sexual reassignment surgery in Denmark. The first 3D film, Bwana Devil opens, sparking the 3D glasses craze. James D. Watson and Francis Crick announce that they have discovered the structure of the DNA molecule.

Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay perform the first successful ascent to the summit of Mount Everest. The first Chevrolet Corvette is built at Flint, Michigan. The Korea War ends. And of course, the first color television sets go on sale for about $1,175.

In the theaters, Here to Eternity is a big smash, as is the western Shane. And who can forget War of the Worlds, or the Wild One.

Midnight Cowboying – Why you will never see the Apollo tapes

After a few calls into NASA, I finally broke down and went there. See, we jokingly call NASA the family business because we built the rockets and even the shuttles for America, but mostly for ourselves. We always thought we would have the first India Tea Company trading charter with aliens, making us richer than our wildest dreams and returning our once grand coat of arms to international importance. We also built them because we knew things we were never allowed to mention. This ends today.

After a meeting in a smoke-filled back room, I was told where the tapes were and I could see them in exchange for my advance lifter technology. Since NASA had already patented that against my consent, I decided there was no harm done in supplying the fractal sequences that drove the lifters. I even went the extra mile and showed them why certain fractals worked more efficiently within the gravitational-harmonics field, mostly out of fear someone might get hurt.

As their R&D team giddily ran off with my forbidden tech, a silver-templed member of the crew led me to back a room. Not only did they have the missing 698 tapes, they had them on HD. The only rule was I could never remove the missing movies from this underground bunker. After ordering an absurd amount of popcorn and Dr. Pepper, the old man sealed me in the undisclosed location and I settled in for about 200 hours of never before seen film.

Midnight Cowboying – Kings of Bullshit

Music to Read By:
Dear Deadly by Creeper Lagoon

Written on a mountain top in Mexico:

Okay, Jesse Ventura was just on TV, Donny Deutsch. MSNBC is our only American station  here on the mountain in Mexico. And there was Jesse, looking like Ming the Merciless on steroids.

He took Donny on a wild ride that sounded very legitimate until his remarks concerning him and some his Navy seals buddies going crazy in the USA. But his parting shot, spoken throw a goatee that ended in two two-foot long braids, was good though.

Midnight Cowboying – Why I’ve Sided with Iran on the Nukes

There comes a time when you finally got to put on the other shoe and give it a whirl for a mile or two. Abstract reasoning, the crux of international diplomacy, has left the Bush Administration as quickly as a preacher caught in the whorehouse. Some question if it was ever there, with choices like Bolton for the UN or Baker actually defending Saudi Arabia against survivors of 9-11. But as we enter the era of regional power nuclear proliferation, we must stop for a second and be rational for moment. I come here to praise Iran, not to bury them.

Midnight Cowboying – My Case Against John Edwards

As you know, I don’t like John Edwards. See, I have a bless/curse of a photographic memory. I remember John Edwards, from when he entered the national stage taking the deposition in the Lewinsky fiasco during the Clinton Administration, to his cheerleading for the war in 2002. I also remember his platforms from 2004, which is why I am shocked he has reinvented himself once again.

But when he decided he wanted to be a populist this election cycle, I took that shit personally. The Farmer’s Alliance started in Lampasas, Texas in 1876, which later evolved in the Populist Party. So yeah, you could say I have little emotional attachment to the name. That is why I refuse to allow this pretender advance towards the throne.

Nothing sums up better some of the issues I have with John Edwards, than this interview on Meet the Press. When called to the mat for his constant reinventions as a candidate, he stands by his record, even though that does not reflect his rhetoric today. I have no idea why anyone would believe a word he says after this:

Midnight Cowboying – Candidatos venden chácharas para sobrevivir (English 2!)

We needed some Spanish around here. For Jeff and Armando:

Candidatos venden chácharas para sobrevivir

Ciudad de México – Tras un castigo presupuestal del IFE, debido a los excesos económicos y pobreza en propuestas, las incomparablemente patéticas campañas presidenciales han recurrido a un giro mercadotécnico sorprendente: la venta de un producto promocional que les permitirá generar los ingresos necesarios a sus campañas.

Durante un juego de la selección de fútbol, en el medio tiempo, salió al aire el primer comercial de “PRI-merClean”, un detergente viscoso tricolor con el lema “Dale un Madrazo al Pasado”. El candidato priísta aparecía sonriente, cantando con un tonito pegajoso: “¡No hay mancha tan fuerte, ni fango tan hondo, que no quite a fondo, nuevo PRI-merClean!”

Midnight Cowboying – Democratic Contender News Round Up

City Dog Catcher of Reno, NV Endorses Mike Gravel

Reno, NV – Local Dog Catcher Joe Karren has announced he will be endorsing Democratic Nominee hopeful Mike Gravel. He even called the campaign headquarters himself to let them know he was firmly in their camp and planned on a press conference at the local diner, Angie’s Spot, to formally announce.

“I was shocked Mr. Gravel picked up the phone,” said Karren, whose support is supposed to bring in at least 2 votes for the Gravel ticket. “Even more shocking was when he said he would actually show up to my presser. I was just joking, I was really just going for a cup of coffee. But now he is coming, I feel like I gotta get a banner or something.”

“It’s about meeting the people,” said Mike Gravel, who once led a filibuster that led to the end of the Vietnam War, and who was shat upon at last summer’s Yearly  Kos. “About meeting one voter at a time.”

If Gravel completes his quest to meet every voter in America, he will be prime to win the nomination in 3012.

Midnight Cowboying – Where does your soul go when you sleep?

When you close your eyes and become a viking, do you actually become a viking in a realm far, far away?  I have often wondered about this, does your soul go on holiday when the sand man comes? Does your essence travel the universe leaving just your body here while you sleep?

I have long believed that our entire universe is just an quantum reaction to a system above us. And that our own atomic reactions are entire big bangs to implosions of universes below us. In a mobius strip structure, the loop of bigger to smaller is infinitely looping. To where the system above us is actually infinitely big, but going down the other direction of the mobius strip it is infinitely small. Vice versa for the one below us.

There are also infinite dimensions that have branched off in what we consider to our universe-centric spot on the mobius strip. In another dimension on this same spot, you never read this, and a whole new universe was created. Not only are the chains infinitely big and small below us, each level is also infinitely dense.

Midnight Cowboying – How to be a paparazzi in London (¡Open Thread!)

How to be a paparazzi in London

I have had many jobs in many lands, some more honorable than others. But at the end of the day, they were all amusing. And one of the most amusing ones was my time as a paparazzi. And as with most of my dealings with the world, I had to do it in style. I worked for the most notorious paparazzi in the world, Big Pictures. Some might wonder how does one become a paparazzi, since you can’t exactly put your resume in somewhere. Well, here is how to be one in London, England.

Midnight Cowboying – Osama Bin Laden: “War on Terror Has Jumped the Shark”

Kennebunkport, Maine  – Dissent was the word of the day last week when Osama Bin Laden received his copy of the script for his video released last weekend. After what was described as near total meltdown in his trailer on-location in Kennebunkport, Maine, Bin Laden at first refused to shoot the latest installment of the War on Terror.

“This is always what happens when a show fires its writers,” said a distraught BIn Laden, who has captivated the country’s fascination with his betrayal of a blood thirsty mullah. “I just knew when they let Karl Rove go, the quality of writing would just fall to the floor. I don’t know whose ratings are going to be worse, President Bush’s or ours.”

“Remember when Karl wrote that piece where I praised Kerry, like he was my best friend in the world and I wanted to basically get him a pony? America loved that episode. How else can you explain how a country would re-elect a cowboy who is afraid of horses?” Bin Laden continued, as make-up dyed his beard back to show quality black. “Man, I used to put the fear of God into Americans. Rove knew just how to push the audiences buttons, keeping them on the edge of their seats.”

Midnight Cowboying – IM Chat with Allah

When I walk around Midtown Manhattan with the Midwestern tourist, I truly am lost in the supermarket of cultures. I can no longer shop happily. So of course my inclination was to do the slugliest of articles called: “The Time of Their Life: A Day in the Life of Midwestern Tourist in Times Square.” But the more I thought about it the more I was unable to write it. Who was I to say that their ability to stare up straight into the sky like turkey in a rainstorm was not an asset? Who is to say what is right or wrong in this day and age? Why, with all our modern ideas, and products!

I did a lot of soul searching about if I was being judgmental and condescending against these simple rotund  beasts. Since the closer you are to a problem the harder it is to view it clearly, other New Yorkers were not much help. This is mainly  due to the basic image these tourist generate for themselves by their actions while moving in herds on the busiest of streets.

So I knew I had to reach out to an old Instant Messenger Buddy and luckily he was on-line. So I had an impromptu to IM session with him. A few basic changes were made to the grammar to make it more readable, but here is the unedited version of my chat session with God.

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