Music to Read By:
Dear Deadly by Creeper Lagoon
Written on a mountain top in Mexico:
Okay, Jesse Ventura was just on TV, Donny Deutsch. MSNBC is our only American station here on the mountain in Mexico. And there was Jesse, looking like Ming the Merciless on steroids.
He took Donny on a wild ride that sounded very legitimate until his remarks concerning him and some his Navy seals buddies going crazy in the USA. But his parting shot, spoken throw a goatee that ended in two two-foot long braids, was good though.
It went something like this, I’m not to hot at transcribing:
“If Hillary Clinton gets the nomination and wins the election in 2008, that will mean since 1988 to 2012 we have had either a Clinton or a Bush in the White House. 24 years of a dueling monarchy”
– Jesse Ventura
That could go to 28 years after her re-election, because I think she can’t help but look good compared to the fiscal and diplomatic fiascos of the previous administration. But let’s say the House of Bush regroups and refortifies around Jeb, wizened in his years, in the 2016 elections. Say he is a two-termer. That takes us to 2024. That would be from 1988 to 2024 this country will have had leaders from only two families.
That is a very long time for any democracy to endure.
And then, the post-modern era ended because it became real. Hulk Hogan was the next guest, and he and Donny talked politics. Wow.
(I’m writing other shit right now, so the Midnight Cowboy will be an elusive beast.)
Bush Receives Coronation
Washington, DC – On January 20th, the Bush administration followed through on its promise to be the most regressive regime America has ever seen. For all hail our recently coroneted leader, George Bush Jr. And not just any king, but Imperial Majesty of the Americas and beyond. The unthinkably rich of the USA are already lining up to see whether they are Duke, Earl, Lord, or possibly even a Minor Prince.
People’s first clue was the fact they were no longer allowed to look at his Majesty. But all was made clear when King Bush sent out his new, and once secret, special Guard of the Majesty to surround and secure the crowd. They formed a ring within the commoners, and as the Crown of the Americas was placed on Bush’s head, the guard brought forth the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and promptly burned them right there in the street. When a child yelled that it was wrong to burn our only proof of our system of values, and that Bush was in fact not wearing any clothes, that little fellow won a free trip to His Majesty’s Happy Land of Re-Education.
With new kings come new queens, and two new princesses to boot. Queen Laura is already busy setting the fashion trends and etiquette of her court, which will be mandatory for all levels of society.
The princes of the world are also on notice that the Bush twins are now royalty. From the hallowed estates of old Europe to the incredibly rich kingdoms of Arabia, all the talk among the world’s princes is which Bush princess is their favorite.
Here at home though, the minds of the people are on the changes in their everyday lives. Now that they are the Army of the King, all U.S. soldiers in Iraq are required to stay there until their King calls them home. The return to fiefdom on the homefront has been rough for some, but totally unnoticeable to others.
“They told me my labor, house, and possessions were now the sole property of Lord Daley,” said Chicago forklift operator Ben Stoisky. “Then I thought about it, how is that any different than the bank?”
His Imperial Majesty Bush has been enjoying his first few days as the newly declared divine right of the country. Though he no longer speaks to the common masses, his silver-tongued heralds bring us the latest from our fearless leader. And it is this:
“If the lessons of 9-11 have taught us anything, is that if you are against me, you are with the terrorists and a traitor. And now that I am King, that is punishable by death.”
My Top Five Favorite Things Today:
1) Great industrial design
2) Elephant boneyards of transportation
3) Pink Shirt Day Is Now Official
4) That dumb ass of the year turned himself in