Tag: snark

Obama Joins Nelly for “Tip Drill” Performance

(Cross-posted on Kos — with links)

Last night Barack Obama joined Hip Hop star Nelly in a performance of Tip Drill before 50,000 screaming fans at “Ho-Fest 2008” at Detroit’s Ford Field.

The high point of the night was when Obama invited his wife Michelle onstage and re-enacted the famous Tip Drill video.  The crowd went crazy as Michelle and Barack performed the hilarious credit card move.

The performance was immediately condemned by:


NBC, ABC, CBS the NY Times, the Washington Post, MSNBC, CNN, FOX, Lifetime, Oxygen, Emily’s List, NOW, NARAL, PUMA, the Family Research Council,  the White Citizens Council, Focus on the Family, Family Circus, Planned Parenthood, NARAL and the United League of Purity Balls.

.

 

Friday Night Irreleverence: The Whizdumb of Confusedious

Below are some sayings compiled for no good reason, which is a pretty good reason.  Especially on a Friday.  A little night reading, I mean light reading–good because you don’t have to follow along.  These sentences only sporadically have anything to do with the ones next to them.  Or do they…?

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Ask Dick Cheney

Dear Vice President Cheney,

  Now that your term of power is nearing its “official” end (he he), which accomplishment makes you prouder:  the nearly complete dismantling of constitutional democracy or bringing torture back into mainstream acceptance?

                                                            Complete Idiot

Dear Complete Idiot,

   One hand rubs the other, he he.  And gleefully, too.  On one hand, torture terrifies people and makes them eager to give up their power.  On the other hand, committing torture with impunity requires weaseling out of hundreds of years of western jurisprudence.  I’m going to say it’s a toss-up, although on a personal level, of course, torture is a lot more fun.

Dear Vice President Cheney,

   At what point in your presidency did it become obvious to you that were going to get away with doing anything you wanted without regard to the constitution, your “opponents” in Congress, or basic human decency?

                                                            Clueless in Seattle

Dear Clueless,

    Naturally, I know a lot more than you.  Let’s just say it was clear you were fucked when they let Nixon walk. I turned to Rumsfield one day and said, “Next time, we’ll just ignore them.”  We still laugh about that.

                                                       

Cars Suck

(Cross-posted at My Left Wing.)

I hate cars.  I hate them.  I hate driving them.  I hate being a passenger.  I don’t like crossing the street in front of them.  I don’t like being anywhere near them.

Yet, they are everywhere.  Every single time I step from my apartment, there they are.  Hundreds and hundreds of these steal monstrosities flying around, dominating the cityscape.  According to the United States Bureau of Transportation Statistics, every year about 40,000 people die in the US due to auto accidents.

40,000!

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{YIKES!  That’s a scary picture, huh?}

Custer Smiles from Hell about His Pipeline

“Wonderful U.S. and Canada!”

Tommywommy's Friend

Custer’s Pipeline & Genocide Denial

Genocide denial is part of the steel that drills the oil in “Custer’s Pipeline,” is part of what moves the pens making lying papers that are stealing and have stolen the promised sovereignty of American Indians, and what makes the modern day Custers feel joy when they succeed and rage when they fail.


Historic meeting ends on pessimistic note

Determining the pipeline’s effects on cultural places appeared to have been a cursory and simplistic process.

Your Penis Larger, with UPROUNDERS!

Hi, my name is Jeffrey Lieber and before I got started on the UPROUNDERS™ program my “certain part of the male anatomy” was mere inches long, but with the help of UPROUNDERS™ my “junk” now measures a full 22 inches, or almost TWO FULL FEET!

How did I do it… and how can YOU do it too?

Well let me show YOU how UPROUNDERS™ five step program works for EVERYONE…

Quit tearing the party apart!

I knew it would come to this one day, because one side was so stubborn and the other side was feeling rejected. Maybe this rift can be filled one day, but right now, there is only pain and hurt. Makes one wonder how it all came down to this.

That’s right, al-Qaida and Iran have irreconcilable differences, they are tearing their Axis of Evil apart.

http://www.breitbart.com/artic…

The increasing enmity toward Iran is a notable change of rhetoric from al-Zawahri, who in the past rarely mentioned the country-apparently in a hopes he would be able to forge some sort of understanding with Tehran based on their common rivalry with the United States. Iran has long sought to distance itself from al-Qaida.  

“Al-Zawahri wanted to work with Iran, but he’s deeply disappointed that Iran has not cooperated with al-Qaida,” said Rohan Gunaratna, a terrorism expert and author of “Inside al-Qaida: The Global Network of Terror.”

So now, al-Zawahri “wants to appeal to the anti-Shiite, anti-Iran sentiments in the Arab and Muslim world,” said Gunaratna, head of the International Center for Political Violence and Terrorism Research in Singapore.

Al-Zawahri appeared intent on exploiting widespread worry in the Arab world over Iran’s influence, particularly in Iraq, to garner support for al-Qaida. At the same time, he sought to denigrate Iran’s ally Hezbollah, which has gained some popularity even among Sunnis in the region for its fight against Israel.

But in many of his answers, al-Zawahri went out of his way to criticize Iran. He said the Iraqi insurgent umbrella group led by al- Qaida, called the Islamic State of Iraq, is “the primary force opposing the Crusaders (the United States) and challenging Iranian ambitions” in Iraq.

Great, al-Zawahri plays the race card. Way to turn the Arabs against the Persians, asshole. This Jihad was suppose to be about ideas and policies, but here al-Zawahri goes back to the terrorism of old.


“Iran’s aim here is also clear-to cover up its involvement with America in invading the homes of Muslims in Afghanistan and Iraq,” he added. Iran cooperated with the United States in the 2001 U.S. assault on Afghanistan that toppled al-Qaida’s allies, the Taliban.

This campaign of dirty tricks has to end, you don’t go into Jihad as a people divided. You don’t see Iran bringing up Osama’s playboy youth or compassionate sane cleric.

Iran has never been in bed with America, while it is well know Osama was. Do you see Iran making obscure internet videos about that?

No. Because they are against tearing this party apart.

The rhetoric is a stark change for al-Zawahri, who in the past did not seek to exploit Shiite-Sunni tensions. When the former head of al- Qaida in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, was waging a campaign of suicide bombings against Shiites in Iraq, al-Zawahri sent messages telling him to stop, fearing it would hurt al-Qaida’s image.

This just goes to show al-Zawahri will stop at nothing to win this thing. He will flipflop, he will lie and he will ruin other members of the Axis of Evil for his own entitlement.

This was suppose to be a different Jihad, a Jihad about ideas. About policy. A Jihad where fanatical Muslim could walk hand in hand with other fanatical Muslims, regardless of sects, setting off each other’s suicide belts, showing the world what a terrorist party united can do.

al-Zawahri has ruined that hope, which is why he is the real Great Satan.

What Obama SO MUST ABSOLUTELY EVER do tomorrow…

…in order be even VAGUELY viable in general election.

Well, he has to win by 20%, of course, but then he has to…

I have corporate sponsorship!

Very exciting times here at the the bustling blog offices!

Last night, yours-truly opened the front door to find a phalanx of high-powered corporate executives in even HIGHER powered suits standing expectantly on my stoop.

Well, these executives wined and dined and seventy-two’d me (that’s three better then sixty-nine) and as the caviar and truffles settled in my befattened tummy… I made the morally difficult decision to accept corporate sponsorship for my ongoing efforts.

burger king

Now, I understand how you might worry that the influence of multinational conglomerates (specifically the bags of cash, the bright red porsche, and the women of extremely low morals) might change the very nature of this blog, but let me tell you… NAY, PROMISE… as sure as the delicious Whopper™ I’m eating has a third less fat than the Big Mac… I CANNOT be corrupted!

Breaking: Obama & Clinton Drop Out of Race

In a stunning development, both Obama and Clinton have decided to drop out of the race for President. Word from both camps is that Hillary and Obama had a private meeting last night over cocktails. According to an anonymous source, both Clinton and Obama had been nervous about their poll numbers against John McCain. They were sick of fighting with each other, and they wanted the election to be about the issues again. The anonymous source said that both candidates agreed that conceding the election to John Edwards was the right thing to do. We should be expecting a press conference announcing their withdrawals from the race later this afternoon.

more below the fold…..

Oct 26, 2014 — Economic Woes Continue Under President McCain

Wednesday, October 26, 2014

WASHINGTON, DC:  President John McCain held yet another news conference on Tuesday trying to reassure a weary public about their economic fears.  “My friends,” said the President, “as I have said many, many, many, many times before, we have the most resilient economy in the world.  Everything will take care of itself somehow.”  Vice-President Joe Lieberman then whispered something in the President’s ear, and McCain then corrected himself:  “Actually we have the fourth-most resilient economy behind China, India, and Canada.  That’s still pretty (expletive deleted) good.”  But the McCain administration has continually struggled with economic issues since taking office in 2009.    

I’m not on strike

But I have been very sick, the past week. And I’m only beginning to recover. Which means I’m not having fun yet. But at least I’m not on strike. Buhdy pays me too well.

And if you think reading the major blogs is bad when your head is clear, try it when it’s not! I’ve become a lurker. Which takes much less time and is much less annoying than not being a lurker.

But I just wanted to make clear that I’m not on strike. Because lots of people are. Or are offended by people who are. Or are launching counterstrikes. Or are offended by people launching counterstrikes. But I’m not on strike. Although I do reserve the right to be offensive.

The bad news is that if you watch too much television, it might fuck up your circadian rhythms. The good news is that Denmark and Sweden won’t be declaring war on each other because of IKEA. And the best news is that while other blogs are abandoning the pretense of being reality-based, we never had such a pretense in the first place!

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