Cars Suck

(Cross-posted at My Left Wing.)

I hate cars.  I hate them.  I hate driving them.  I hate being a passenger.  I don’t like crossing the street in front of them.  I don’t like being anywhere near them.

Yet, they are everywhere.  Every single time I step from my apartment, there they are.  Hundreds and hundreds of these steal monstrosities flying around, dominating the cityscape.  According to the United States Bureau of Transportation Statistics, every year about 40,000 people die in the US due to auto accidents.



{YIKES!  That’s a scary picture, huh?}

Anyway, 40,000 Americans are slaughtered every year.

That’s about thirteen 9/11s each and every year.  What would people do if Islamist terrorists were knocking off 40,000 Americans, year in and year out?  They’d go completely fucking ape-shit, that’s what they’d do.  If Islamist terrorists were killing 40,000 Americans each and every year, the US would already have transformed itself into a total police state.  Our civil liberties would be entirely gone and hatred for Muslim people would utterly dominate our political discourse.

Yet almost no one cares that these terrible things, these vicious rolling death-machines, kill 40,000 Americans a year.  Even as I write this, someone, somewhere not far from here, has just been taken down.  Somewhere, as I write, is a person with a broken body, lying on the side of the road, dying.  

Murdered by an automobile.

And, yet, we love these things.  Americans love their cars.  We glorify them.  In a million movies and books and songs, the automobile is presented as the quintessentially American product.  “Cruising culture” is looked back upon with nostalgia.  

Indeed, “Where were you in ’62?”  


But not only do cars murder us on a daily basis, we are also their slaves.  We are, most of us, completely dependent upon these things for our livelihoods, for our access to goods and services, for our ability to socialize.  It’s fucking disgraceful!  We can’t do practically anything but what with a car involved.  Despite the fact that they are constantly killing us, we need them and love them.  In fact, our entire lives revolve around these hideous things.  We even go so far as to devote half of our waking hours to earning money so that we purchase cars and feed them oil.  You work so that you can have automobile which, of course, you need to go to work!

You fools.

You slaves.

And think, for a moment, about how automobiles have entirely fucked up American politics.  Much like the Cold War before it, we now live in a political atmosphere dominated by George W. Bush’s trademarked Global War on Terror (GWOT).  Little can be done politically that does not at least take into account the GWOT.  Why was George W. Bush reelected in 2004?  Because millions and millions of Americans live in constant unreasoning fear of militant Jihadis.  And why do we fear militant Jihadis?  Because of 9/11.  And why did 9/11 happen?  Because the US insisted upon maintaining a military presence in the Middle East, specifically Saudi Arabia.  And why must we maintain a military presence in the Middle East?  Because of oil.  And why must we expend our military to make sure that we continue to have unfettered access to Middle East oil and kill hundreds of thousands of Iraqis in the process?

Because of cars, that’s why!

And think about this:  the entire netroots is now squabbling with itself concerning Barack Obama’s recent capitulation on the FISA issue.  Right at this moment, I have no doubt, some poor bastard on Daily Kos is being berated within an inch of his or her life merely for criticizing Barack on FISA.  Barack, after all, had promised to oppose the FISA legislation, to filibuster, if it contained telecom immunity.  Now, of course, he says that he will vote in favor of the bill even if it does contain telecom immunity.  Why is he doing that?  Why has he betrayed us?  It’s because Barack Obama is afraid that if he really stands up for the 4th amendment of the Constitution then John McCain, and surrogates, will call him mean names.  They will paint him as “weak on terrorism.”  And just why would they be able to do so?  Because of the GWOT!  The GWOT which was, essentially, given to us by automobiles.  

So, I say, down with the automobile!

We must free ourselves from these terrible machines that rule our lives.  We must get rid of them, somehow.  Unless, or until, we get rid of cars we will always live under their tyranny.  Unless, or until, we get rid of cars we will always live under the hideous GWOT.  Unless, or until, we get rid of cars Americans will continue to live under constant fear of the Jihadi threat.  Unless, or until, we get rid of cars tens of thousands of perfectly innocent people will die horrible violent deaths on American roadways.

And you can’t just sell these things.  Transference of ownership does not get rid of the menace.  No.  They need to be taken out, one by one, and shot!  Shoot the tires!  Shoot the engine!  Blow the fucking things up!  And then bury them forever.  

Only then shall we be free.

So, here are my questions:

Why do you motherfuckers like your cars so much?

Besides a means of transportation, what do cars mean to you?

Or (ahem) how have they figured into your social life?


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  1. I don’t really fucking think so.

    But, nonetheless.

  2. Sold my car last year.  It does make job-hunting more difficult, where I am, to be without a car…and I have sympathy for those who live in rural areas and truly need them (hi, Ria!)…but if people weren’t so selfish and would car-pool, and would support better public transportation, we could certainly gut our dependence on the damn things.

    FWIW, I actually enjoy driving sometimes.  I just hate commuting by car.

  3. Car Insurance Sucks!!!

    Which is on reason I don’t own a car (I’ll rent if I need one for a work meeting off site, or to do my every half-year major shopping).  I live 5 minutes walking from work.  My grocery is about a mile away, the nearest mall is about 3 miles.  I walk if I need something.  There’s a gas station about 10 minutes away if I need a frapucino or smokes.

  4. From my cold, dead hands. If you take my car away, only criminals will have cars.

    • Alma on July 7, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Of the bicycle variety.  I’m one of those people without mass transit or stuff nearby, except a border patrol, we have a border patrol.  We don’t need a border patrol, but we got one.

    Anyway, I’ve seen lots of older people out biking.  I think instead of driving to their clubs, and bowling alleys, and taking their boats out (You think gas is expensive for cars, try to fill a boat tank at the gas docks), that they are biking as their new, cheaper hobby/exercise.  I wish I could say the same for the young adults, but they are still driving everywhere.

    • Edger on July 7, 2008 at 8:11 pm

  5. You suck!

  6. I almost never write diaries and since this gibberish is so obviously a work of heart-breaking genius, I demand a pony!

    Fork over the fucking pony, goddammit!

    • RiaD on July 7, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    i can’t blow up my car


    i go to town (appx 12 mi)only once or twice a month for stuff we don’t produce ourselves (read~coffee, toilet paper!)

    & mrD goes once a week for hardware store stuff or feed store stuff.

    & we go to the city (appx 50 mi) only every couple months to get to the organic grocery & asian market.

    i’m doin the best that i can……….

  7. Thank you for this nuanced view about transportation, recycling and energy policy.  I can see that you’re not a real, redblooded American fascist (sorry for the redundancy).  I can also see you don’t know squat about shooting behemoths (or shooting anything else).  This is further evidence you’re not a RRAF.  Dude.  If you think a few bullet holes in the windshield or engine are going to kill a 1 ton American steel landshark dead, you have another think coming.  These minor dings are easily fixed.  They’re probably going to be paid for by the owner’s insurance.  The best way, and it pains me so to inform folks who aren’t RRAFs about anything much less this, the best way, as I was saying, maybe even the only way to dispose of landsharks is shredding.  Shredding.  WTF is shredding you ask?  I’ll show you.  Shredding really reduces a car to its lowest common denominator very quickly:

    This is what you want.  Shredding.  All of the rest of that fulminating is just, well, ineffective.  Happy to be of service.

  8. from my little aluminum engined oldsmobile, to my 64 tempest with the three on the tree that would get hung up and force me to crawl under it with a piece of 2×4 and bash the gears back into alignment, to my wonderful 68 LeMans with the great 350 engine that I drove forever and into its constituent elements, then my GTO with that big-assed 400 engine that went up the steepest of hills in high gear, like wise my baby, my 66 Corvette Sting Ray (which I’ve had for the past 39 yrs)with the rat motor and fire engine red inside and out, another LeMans a rather ugly 4 door with the 400 engine that was the best car ever for the SF/Oakland traffic, fast enough to get to any hole in the traffic and already beat up enough to scare off any who would contend with it.

    My 3 vw bugs, all the old flat windshield type, the first on nearly got me killed with its lack of power.  My Riviera, the glide ride as my sis-in-law called it, my little Opel GT, and then the Manta following that.  And now my Honda Civic

    I loved them all, each in their own way-they meant freedom in the little towns, they meant a way to get into town from the country, and into the city from the little towns, they meant buckets of horsepower that thrilled me and still do, they meant cross-country trips and nights at the North Rim, under the stars, Tonopah, 130 mph on cruise control, they meant rolling around in the back seat with the wonderful girls, and riding around the countryside getting stoned to the gills with the bright lights on and the windshield wipers flashing.

    And thats not even counting the Motorcycles.

    Sorry you hate cars, I think only those who love them and who drive them well should be allowed to have them, or to ride in them.  One of the things I thank heavens for is that I was around in the time of the muscle car and again in the time of the really sweet motorcycle (that time is RIGHT NOW, bikes are the best they have ever been).  I think all the city people should not be allowed cars, and when we go to cities I think we should have big assed parking lot on the outskirts where we can park and then get bussed around and metro’ed like is appropriate to a city, but I love my cars, every one of them I’ve ever had has taken me someplace fantastic, and in a manner that a King could not have enjoyed a century ago.

  9. I could live in a European city but no amount of money could ever prompt me to live in an American city.

    Cars may suck but then again the frequency of shit like meals might become a problem if I had to shoot Bambi to sustain the family.

    At least in the 60s and into the 70s the auto was in fact a right of passage into adulthood.  We got out even if it was for trivial reasons, we related to real live people.  Today passage into adulthood means drool coming out of the mouths of 18 year olds glued to the blue screen of Grand Theft Auto, fully indoctrinated into the airheaded vacuous Satanic memes of myspace.  This is the cannon fodder generation and few have escaped it’s destructiveness.

    We can’t even afford to clean up after ourselves let alone rebuild suburbia in the model of local sustainability which is exactly what it is going to take.  And do I want to be around people, other people, lots of them?  Are you fucking shitting me?  Fuck that.

    • Edger on July 8, 2008 at 5:20 am

    Do cars suck the way guns kill?

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