Throwball Quarterfinals: Bolts at Chiefs

I don’t know what else to call them. It’d not like they’re contending for a Division Championship or that all the Division Champions are there.

But it’s an easy pick (not that you should listen to me, I went 0 – 4 last weekend), the Chiefs are an explosive offensive team that can ring up points faster than a 6 Items or Less Express Line at a Grocery Store (of course those are inevitably clogged by assholes who can’t read or will not obey the signs, looking right at you Pistachio Elephant).

What the Chiefs lack is any semblance of a Passing Defense and Andrew Luck and the Bolts have the tools to exploit that weakness so I expect a high scoring game.

Oh, why is this an easy pick? All about who you hate the most. Don’t get me wrong, I hate the Chiefs, principally on the basis of one obnoxious fan I know who Will. Not. Shut. Up. about them ever, even during the off season. For the most part they are inoffensive losers and perpetual basement dwellers.

The Bolts on the other hand are greedy Quislings who need to be stomped until they slink back to whatever miserable rickety rat trap Baltimore deigns to give them, just like the Scams did.


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  1. Snow on the field

  2. Bolts first

  3. 3 and out. Chiefs from their 9.

  4. At the Bolts 10

  5. Chiefs 7 – 0

  6. Bolts from their 26

  7. And a punt. Chiefs from their 30

  8. Going for it on 4th & 1

  9. Chiefs 14 – 0

  10. Bolts from their 23

  11. Punt. Chiefs at their 26

  12. 4th & 1 again

  13. FG. Chiefs 17 – 0

  14. Punt. Bolts have NO 1st Downs. Chiefs from their 18. 9:37 to play in the Half.

  15. Chiefs Punt Blocked. TD Bolts. Chiefs 17 – 7

  16. 2 minutes to Play in the Half

  17. TD. Chiefs 24 – 7 1:40 to Play in the Half

  18. Bolts 1st 1st Down with 1:32 to Play in the Half

  19. Miseed the FG. Chiefs 24 – 7 at the Half

  20. Chiefs on 4th again

  21. One more time. Bolts from their 23

  22. Punt. Bolts from their 31

  23. Bolts recover a Fumble

  24. Chiefs recover a Fumble

  25. Did I mention Foot ball? I mean real Football. Yawn.

  26. Bolts convert on 4th & 9

  27. TD Bolts. Chiefs 24 – 13 (Missed PAT) 5:30 to Play

  28. Chief 31 – 13 (not really that close)

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