Author's posts

What does relevance sound like?

This is usually how I sort:

Open Letter to Obama Concerning Cupcakes and Milkshakes

Dear Obama,

Look, obviously the meme that we just can’t all get along between you and the left has taken hold. I could really give a shit. I think some of your handlers were shocked that the Professional Left didn’t give you the Fox News treatment. Plus, I think the moderate Progressives needed a bogey to yell at as their platform was underachieved time and time again.

Achieved mind you, but not much better than a fifth grader.

I understand that the Senate is where hopes and dreams go to die, because that chamber is God’s waiting room. And the House has gone full-blown circus not seen since the days of Will Rogers, the original Jon Stewart.

You just sign the bullshit, and it’s politics as usual.

I understand you made the shit sandwich Bush left you look presentable on the dinner plate.

Obama Admin Gives BP Oily Reacharound

Unfortunately for the Obamapologists, they have no way to pin this scandal on Congress or the three-headed monster of Bush-Palin-Nader. Here is Obama, the chief executive of this republic, allowing BP to dictate the rule of law to citizens of our country.

We all knew Obama would let BP escape responsibility, all they had to do was wait out the news cycles until the media found a new shiny thing. Then Obama would let BP give the country an oily reacharound until the situation in the gulf climaxed and public interest went limp.

Now BP dictates the law to Obama, and Obama lets them, because he is totally complicit in this ecological doomsday:


Linda Hooper-Bui, Louisiana State University Department of Entomology Associate Professor, writes in The Scientist, “My PhD student’s ant samples were taken away by a US Fish and Wildlife officer at a publicly accessible state Wildlife Management Area because our project hadn’t been approved by Incident Command.

What is the Incident Command? Hooper-Bui continues, “[It’s] also called the Deepwater Horizon Response Unified Command – which is a joint program of BP and federal agencies, such as the Coast Guard…”

She shares another similar experience, “Where our research trip was halted after driving more than 150 miles to a study site. On the way to our sampling sites in Grand Isle, LA, [we] were turned away by a sheriff’s deputy blocking the road who said that he was told to allow no one who wasn’t associated with BP or NRDA.” The NRDA (National Resource Damage Assessment) process “is overseen by state, tribal and federal science agencies and is partially funded by BP.”

There you go, Obama is just limp against BP and their corporate interest, not believing he can change something as basic as corporate accountability.

Instead he is doing something Dick Cheney and George W Bush never even dreamed of, he put rule of law and public land under direct corporate control.

I await the Obamapoligists full-throated rebuttal of this oily reacharound by BP by the Obama administration.

Democrats cut food stamps for political points.

You know, fuck any Democrat who tells me to quit criticizing the party when they act like complete and utter morans. Yes, morans.

Take yesterday for example, I just knew the Democratic Party was doing something fucked up because they were injecting so much meta into the pool.

At first I thought it was the fact that the military would be manning the drones on the Arizona border to kill anyone darker than a paper bag, or toasted tortilla, if you will. But that was just good news for John McCain.

For the amount of asshatting going on yesterday, there had to be something so spectacular, so against the Democratic Party platform, something so dire to the basic ideology of liberals, they had Gibbs go run naked under a bus.

Then I found out why.

The fuckers cut food stamps.

Obama Unveils Pwoggresive Ponies for Real Americans

Washington, D.C. – Amongst fanfare and joy, President Obama opened up his Pony Ranch today on the White House south lawn. The ponies, so so beautiful and with the shiniest coats ever, can only be seen by the President’s most loyal and dedicated Pwogressive fans.

From across the country, fanatical believers are flocking to Washington, D.C. to see the pony that President Obama says only Real Americans can gander. Those lucky enough to be on hand for the grand unveiling watched in hushed reverence as the herd of ponies, long promised, were to gallop across the pasture made of rainbows and happiness.

“For those great Real Americans, my loyalist of fans, the Pwoggressives, I give you your pony!” announced President Obama, holding a bridle and petting the air beside him. “Not only is this beautiful animal your long awaited pony, it will also cure cancer, end wars and lower taxes. But only the truly pure Pwoggresive can clearly see it, for it takes Real Eyes of Real Americans to behold this glory of the big warm eyes of these ponies.”

Beadle Metros, who had traveled all the way from the West Coast on his knees, stopping every three meters to pray he will be pure enough to see the pony, finally reached the fence and started shouting, “My God, that pony is full of stars!”

All around him, his fellow Pwoggresives also started to scream, “Yes! YES! I can see the glory of the pony now!”

One woman, wearing a Leftists Love Satan button and a shirt that said ‘Equality is Gay’ had to be helped by medical staff after she ran and tried to jump on the pony, only to land face first on the ground causing massive head trauma.

A champion appears.…

Sanders/Weiner 2012, for the sake of the Republic.

Good and bad news on the oil front.

Good news for BP, it was our yearly allotment of seafloor spew. The freak out occurred for two reasons.

1) It was a light year if this was our gift from the Gulf, not even enough to clump together to make tarballs.

2) Ships from the contaminated oil-slicked waters have been making port calls in Texas without first having their hulls cleaned. This is against the rules, but a little low on the priority list right now. Why, with that gusher of oil doing its best impression of Spindletop, but a mile under water.

On point two, I think we can rest assured that is how oil is getting on the upper Texas coast, because I know those skimmers have been porting in Galveston. This also goes a long way in explaining how oil was able to swim upstream. Rick Perry has agreed to allow BP to dump their Gulf waste into salt cave and injection wells. I don’t see how this could go wrong.

Especially being so close to aquifers. The rumor is, Rick Perry plans to use to sludge as hair gel, which is why he needed so much.

Anyhoo, the concern is now that since we got such little oil, the BP Spill might be sucking away pressure from the entire oil fields under the Gulf of Mexico. There are a lot of dead dinosaurs under there, they all got smacked by an asteroid.

This whole fiasco was a total Kid Icarus moment for global corporations, where their hubris in their technological reach lead to a great disaster. As high as Icarus flew, BP has gone down into the watery deeps of the Gulf of Mexico, both beyond reason.

And speaking of beyond reason, I cannot celebrate for España, because that was some of the ugliest futbol pretending to be the beautiful game.


There’s oil on my pinche beach.

Good lord BP, do you have any idea who you are fucking with here? Why is there oil on my pinche beach? Do you not understand the pain, both in reputation and pocketbook, that is coming your way?

You dare spill oil on my pinche beach!

Sure, we’re looking into it as we speak, it might be our normal crop of tarball from the ridge, but that shit is usually the size of a tarball, and this shit is in pebble form. I swear to Elohay that if there is Corexit in these pebbles, you are going down.


BP, you are fucking with people who invented Paultards, got the dumbest son of bitch in America elected President and did more for international trade than Nantucket circa 1835. I mean fuck, We Started TEXAS, and your incompetence has brought oil to our beach? Do you not understand what we are capable of when we get pissed off?

Know why the beach is undeveloped? Because it was a fucking natural wonder. Yes, you took a big ol’ corporate shit where no less than 30 endangered animals hang out. You are about to kill more whales, turtles and dolphins than a generation of Japanese fishermen. For this, you will pay.

Oh yes, you will pay.

BP, your stockholders and your corporate board better fucking pray, get down on your knees and beg like the fucking dogs you are that there is no Corexit in this oil.

Because I wasn’t above making the lives of the leaders of the WTO hell for a bit, and they make you look like street punks.

And I got a lot of friends, across the spectrum, who know when I get pissed, I get funny, and some say amusing, except for my target, who I will make cry like a little bitch in the darkness of the night.

Tests are coming back Friday.

Pray BP, pray for your ever-loving souls that there is no Corexit in the oil that showed up on my pinche beach.

Because if there is, this shit is on, and I will be bringing the full pinche and my hordes, from Texas to LA to NYC, we will be there to make sure you never ever “have your life back.”

Not until your stock value is worth less than the shit you crapped on my pinche beach and each and every person who had a decision on this well is branded as the outcast of humanity and refused even a glance from polite society.

One drop of corexit, and this shit is on.

Pray mother fuckers, pray.

You will know me by the trail of meta.

– Pinche  

The Transfer Wealth in the Funniest of Ways

In the latest dust-up for career fanboy of economics, one Paul Krugman, he got wrongly called out for advocating for a housing bubble in 2002:

Dubya’s Double Dip?

By PAUL KRUGMAN, The New York Times

Published: August 2, 2002…

The basic point is that the recession of 2001 wasn’t a typical postwar slump, brought on when an inflation-fighting Fed raises interest rates and easily ended by a snapback in housing and consumer spending when the Fed brings rates back down again. This was a prewar-style recession, a morning after brought on by irrational exuberance. To fight this recession the Fed needs more than a snapback; it needs soaring household spending to offset moribund business investment. And to do that, as Paul McCulley of Pimco put it, Alan Greenspan needs to create a housing bubble to replace the Nasdaq bubble.

Krugman is a stenographer of which way the wind is blowing, he does not make the wind blow.

Pirates & Freak Flags

The captain of a pirate ship had one of the rarest luxuries in the world. He flew not the flag of a nation-state, but his own. His banner against the world. Very few people in the course of history get to do this, fewer yet get it recorded by history.

Much less turned into legend.

We also live in such a time. Each citizen of this republic, at any moment, can raise their own jolly roger and speak out for their rugged individual sovereignty and set sail for the pursuit of happiness.

And that my friend is our freak flag.

Funny thing about a freak flag is you need arms to wave it high; I’d like to see a corporation do that. Them corporations do like it freaky, though.

They cannot wave a flag because corporations only exist in our collective imaginations, paper tigers crafted by the plutonomy playing Monopoly. But with no arms, or legs, or even a jaw to clinch it with, the corporations could never raise a freak flag.

That is why they have stolen Old Glory, because they have no flag of their own.

One thing we can all agree on, to be an American, you need to at least be breathing. Even mouthbreathers count. And figments of law have captured our flag, all Americans’ flag.

And We, The People, need to get our freak flags flying and  take back the Stars and Stripes off the corporation’s pirate ship before they sail off with it.

Pony Expressed from Pinche Tejano

WTF on that General thingy.

So in record breaking time, exposed themselves as incredible partisan hacks as they have scrubbed the BeTrayUs ad off their website.

Remember this?…

Yeah, that was the flavor!

So basically, the corpocrats have convinced their fanatical followers that:




And while we are on the subject of awesomeness, to reaffirm civilian control of the military, which is why mcchrystal got walked, we put the dude who lied to the civilian congress about the war in charge?

Really? AWESOME!

The best part is to watch all the minions of the corpocrats cheer this move like they were Bushities of 2005.

If Bush had done this, there would have been a chorus of boos and a never ending stream of strongly worded letters.

Now Obama is doing the exact same thing, it is the way forward!


The only who has gained anything out of this, because it definitely isn’t the troops in Afghanistan, it is Kagan.

Now her confirmation hearings will pass by the media like a ship in the night.

Not saying Obama would swap a general for a judge, but you damn sure know Rahm would.

Because the Rolling Stone article has been out on the ethers for weeks now, why did they pull the trigger on the planned meta outrage this week?

And why are pwoggressives and corpocrats cheering the failed Bush policies of four years ago?

Oh yeah, their wrestler has the championship belt now, I keep forgetting.  

Looks like I’ll be going to jail in Texas.

Oh those asshats we call the Texas Republican Party. Recently, in their latest quest to prove they aren’t gay, many a closet-homosexual, also known as the GOP, decided to include this nugget in their state party platform:…

“We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy,” the GOP platform reads. Meaning that even though the U.S. Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws last decade (ironically in a case that stemmed from Texas), Texas Republicans would like the state to have the power to criminalize LGBT folks for having sex.

“We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such,” reads the GOP platform.

If a straight person were to aid and abet a gay couple with marriage in Texas, the GOP would like to see that person serve mandatory jail time.

Now, I like the ladies, and truth be told, I might have a problem with loving to many ladies, but if a lady wants to marry another lady, or man wants to marry another man, am all for it.

Why keep lesbians and gays out of our worst institutions, like marriage and the military? If they want to take on those sad sacks of out-dated societal paradigms, let’em at it.

Because in Texas we can all agree on one thing, the government needs to get the hell on out of our bedrooms.

Funny enough, the Texas GOP actually agrees with me here, but they have to hate on the gays because most GOP members can’t come to terms with their own gayness.

Like Rick Perry. His wife even filed for the divorce over his manlove, but yet he pursues policies against the GLT community least he accept his own desires.

I’d like to see something resembling a Democrat point out this planks of the GOP platform and how they square up with their hating:….

Load more