Tag: patent law

Mrs. Smith’s Door Was Being Broken Down

She hid behind a couch.

“Good morning, Mrs. Smith,” said the head of Obama’s revitalized Peace Corps.  “Sure hope we got the right address this time.  You have nothing  to be afraid of.  We have the Attorney General with us to be sure everything is done in strict accordance with law. We are here to repossess your patented genes that belong to big corporations.”

“Did you have to break down my door?” quavered Mrs. Smith.

“You would be shocked to learn how many people flee from Peace officers and hurt themselves.  That fellow sharpening his scalpel in your yard is the Surgeon General.  He has had very few fatalities.”

“But aren’t gene patents outlawed?”

“Only for one small biotech so far.  Your President is a Harvard lawyer and knows all about that stuff.  We all know laws are different for big crooks than small ones.  You can ask the Attorney General, if you like, but he has testified to Congress about that and can be rather abrupt when he has to keep repeating himself.  Big Pharma has to take possession of its genes though in case some slick shyster objects to Big Pharma being left out.  Prudence is always called for in these cases.”

“But I thought people owned their own genes.”

“Humpty Dumpty and Alice have moved to D.C. from Kansas.  There was no work for them anymore in Kansas.  Kansas is much more of a Wonderland than Washington though Washington is improving. Conservatives are now liberals.  Insanity is principled conservatism.  I could go on but until Alice and Humpty Dumpty get around to changing patent law, ownership is ownership.  I see the Surgeon General has finished sharpening his scalpel.  He will just whip out those bad genes in no time.  Be happy, Mrs. Smith. I see you have blue eyes. Nobody has patented those mutated blue oncogenes that are associated with a great deal of cancer.  There are a lot of those genes.  I guess they are still making up lists.”

Thomas Edison vs. the Supremes

Chief Justice Roberts: You want to patent light, Mr. Edison?  Just because you’re dead and may be speaking to God, it doesn’t give you any right to ask for reconsideration of the Patent Office turning down your patent on the light bulb.  You are now speaking to a much higher authority that works in the dark mostly.

Edison: I don’t want to patent light.  I just want to finally patent my successful invention for creating light and turning night into day.

Chief Justice Roberts:  I know you only had 3 months of schooling and can’t hear well beyond your autism so I will leave the questioning to Justice Scalia.  He speaks loud enough and simple enough to wake the dead.

Justice Scalia:  Though you are a dirty, smelly, mean, hippy recluse, like that Steve Jobs who was fired by the company he founded, I won’t ask you about how you had two wives and numerous children.  It’s too late to protect women from you but I want to know about you going around electrocuting elephants.  

Edison:  I only electrocuted one used elephant to demonstrate one of the problems with Tesla’s AC current.  I fired Tesla and he went bankrupt with his business, you know, but America is still stuck his lethal AC.

Justice Thomas breaks his silence and shouts at Edison:  We are all educated, God-fearing men here and we know Natural Law better than some uneducated inventor.  I should add there are some women here too but we don’t listen to them.  We just look.  Go away.  We have spoken.

Best,  Terry