Throwball Playoffs Loser’s Bracket: Eagles at Bears

Goody! Animal teams!

Let’s just face it, Da Bears haven’t been good since the late 40s or so when future Wrestling Hall of Famer Bill Perry, the man with the thickest fingers in Throwball, was doing their choreography. That they, and not my Packers, are in they Playoffs is a gross injustice.

On the other hand I hate the Iggles with an abiding passion because they’re a crappy team that consistently beats my Giants (Da Bears by contrast regularly lose to my Packers, as they should).

The Iggles are the defending Champions and I suppose I should give them props for defeating the Patsies who I hate much, much more, but I’m kind of rooting for Da Bears in this one. The outcome sort of depends on how well Nick Foles weathered his beat down by the Native Americans last week, not for nothing Da Bears have the best defense in the league.

You see, it’s not about who you hate, I hate them all. It’s about who you hate the most. Coaches call Steroids “Muscle Fuel”, Hatred “Motivation”, and Traumatic Brain Injury is something you should just walk off- “How many fingers am I holding up boy?” “Uhh… 12?”. “Close enough. Can you stand?” “Uhh… yeah?” “Good. Now get out there and leave it all on the field.” It’s no wonder the players are inclined to shoot themselves and others, kill dogs, and beat their partners.

Oh, and if you kneel for the anthem and smoke dope you’re out. ‘Murika!