Coming to terms with my disability.

It’s difficult because it sounds like bragging- “Oh, life is so tough because I have an 11 inch penis (not true)”.

And even if it were what are the advantages? Do you think women like it? Guys, you have to wake up and smell the coffee, nothing you do or ever can do is going to impress women. Get. over. it.

There are all kinds of practical considerations also (ladies may be excused from this discussion), do you dress right or left? Oh, you know what I’m talking about, that’s quite a trouser trout you’re packing around. Boxers or Briefs? I think Boxers would be better in your sorry condition because they’re… roomy.

But back to me who doesn’t have to worry (ok, briefs and left) about my big 10 inch record of the band that plays the blues.

No, I’m special.

In that Farkle Minkus kind of way, a maladjusted misfit with borderline Asperger’s. Hey, I’m “High Functioning”, only a 31 on this particular test, and I dress up nice and was elected capo di tutti of my club (no shit) because I’m also a good actor.

You should see my Pilate’s Dream.

My therapist asks me if I answer to “ek”. Of course I do. It’s a tad more unusual than my given name which I also spin around to which is an involuntary tell.

My name is Roger Murdock. Listen Kid! I’ve been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!

But I am merely a mask. There is nothing about me which is not calculated for effect. My affect (yes, I know the difference) is designed to fit in, to appear normal, but I’m not like that at all.

I’m extremely bright.

Now “Screw you, you pompous asshole,” is entirely the appropriate response to that statement and I deserve it and in fact “If you’re so smart why aren’t you rich?” is a pretty good come back also. Personally I find it a burden and a chore.

I’m expected to correctly answer Final Jeoprady every time and when I don’t (98% right BTW) Emily and Richard get this disappointed look on their faces which is one of the reasons I eat alone.

I eat alone.

This is not on Emily and Richard who seek to engage me or any of my family and friends. They are puzzled by my apparent distance. What I find it difficult to deal with is my performance issues. I really do have a “normal” sized penis. I’m supposed to be brilliant 4 or 5 times a day.

Well, I am stupid and slow.

And the next time I brag about my intellect please link this post.

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  1. Vent Hole

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