Dear Ms. Palin:

I know that people are today making fun of you in the media and on the blogs because of your Nashville appearance at the Tea Bag Pay As You Go Event. They’re complaining about your irritating voice, your inability to complete a sentence, your having no plan and your writing on your hand. They say you are speaking “word salad.” That’s sad, but that’s how it is in America. People have the right to make fun of their politicians, and they should. And, lest you forget, you’re a politician. Or maybe now you’re not a politician any more and you’re an entertainer. Or something. Anyway, those folks cherish their “right” to make fun of you.

Regardless, I have a small proposal for you to consider. I realize that it’s unorthodox to print it here and publish it on the Internet, but after all it is 2010 so I beg your indulgence. How else can I get your attention?  And I know from how you dealt with all those couture clothes you got from John McCain’s campaign, that you understand self promotion for profit.  

My proposal: How about you pay me $50,000 before your next “speech” and I will write it for you. I am an excellent writer. I know grammar and sentence structure. I know how to construct a paragraph. I had an elite, liberal education at a very expensive, fancy, elitist college, and I have a graduate degree from one of America’s most revered universities, and I’ve written books.  But don’t worry.  I won’t tell anyone about any of that. Let’s put it this way: I know how to write. And I’ll keep what I write simple and direct so that your audience will follow it perfectly.  And they’ll hear every single dog whistle I insert in the text.  You know about dog whistles already I’m sure.  Look at that great one you “borrowed” from Lee Greenwood about your being proud to be an American.

I assure you the speech I will write for you will be (1) far more whacked out than the one you gave in Nashville (it will scare liberals to death), (2) far more clever (you might be tempted to say “cleverer”) and (3) your supporters, all those superannuated, semi and fully retired, more or less rich, white folks, will really love it. They will have something that is akin to an orgasm when you deliver the speech I will write for you. Only it won’t be an actual orgasm, that might just kill them, no, they’ll just smile and hyperventilate and cheer a lot. And want to smoke afterward.

You know how to reach me.  I am ready.  We both can grow rich while saving America.

Love, davidseth

PS. I can see Uranus from here.


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  1. I’m not gonna even bother commentin’ in this diary.

    But if I did . . .

    The goal of good speech writin’ is not to generate orgasms.  That’s disgusting.  The speaker ain’t married to the audience, so any exchange of fluids is way over the line.

    Also $50,000 is pretty steep — what can ya do for $18,000?

  2. I mean they must have the think tanks doing overtime in all of this.  Back and forth marginalizing both traditional parties.  Hijacking the grassroots of both sides.  In the study of Futurism it’s called rise of a strongman and it is specifically aimed at that known power of populist Ghandi type movements.  Such things are foreseen and prevented by the multi-nationals in power.  I mean I don’t even have to bring up the “Illuminati” anymore when both left and right are geared towards total annihilation of America.

    Here is Peace Prize Obama wacking the nuclear bees nest of both China and Russia by installing missles in Romania and Taiwan.  Talk about a renewed Cold War.  Funny how the Zombies never ever bring up the real dope.

    The swine eleven fiasco led to a theory on the real cause of autism and it’s not even the mercury.  It’s a brain chemical imbalance caused by an additive in the MMR shot series.  I just watched a video about a doctor agonizing over a decision to tell the truth about vaccines or loose his job.  Kind of makes hijacked political movements a rather insane topic.

    $50,000 per speaking engagement?  Hell, I can do that for $50,000 a year.

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