I admit it. I wish Cheney were president.

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

I thought it was time I outed myself. And all those like me, on left wing websites, who dare criticize President Obama. For compromising or selling out on trivial issues such as DOMA, the bank bailout, secrecy, torture, or prosecuting war crimes. We don’t really care about issues. We’re all about personality. And we all secretly wish Dick Cheney were president. Because we get the vapors for rabid weasels.

The world is a binary place. Not to mention dichotomous. And black-and-white. And that says nothing about it being pleonastic, redundant and tautological. But you’re either with President Obama or you’re against him. There is no middle ground. And we’re clearly against him. It’s not that people like us take seriously that silly better part, when we talk about more and better Democrats. Nah. It’s not about holding our own elected officials accountable. Nah. Particularly not when, as with me, the president is only the second ever for whom I actually voted. And it has nothing to do with holding feet to fire. As I said, it’s not about issues. We just like Dick Cheney. I’ve also always had a crush on Shakespeare’s Richard III.

And I want to congratulate all who refuse to criticize the president, and who, instead, criticize we who do. We know you’re idealists. We know it’s all about appreciating greatness, even when that greatness isn’t always explicitly manifest. Certainly, we know you’d be just as loyal to a President Hillary Clinton or a President John Edwards, should one of them have come to be, and taken exactly the same stands on the issues that President Obama has taken. Because you’re consistent. And loyal. And we Cheney fans appreciate that. Sometimes greatness is so great that we little people can’t recognize it or appreciate it. We get that. That’s why we’re so lucky to have you, here, to recognize it and appreciate it for us. Not to mention chastising us for our intellectual and moral debaseness. But what can I say? We like Dick Cheney. Bad genes, perhaps. Or maybe we all were dropped on our heads, when we were young. Over and over and over. But we like Dick Cheney.

So, I just wanted to confirm your suspicions. You’re right. We don’t like President Obama. It’s not that we don’t like his policies, we just don’t like the guy. We’re not about issues. We’re about personality. And we like Dick Cheney’s personality. His snarl gives us goose bumps. Please accept and tolerate and forgive us. We can’t help it. We didn’t mean to be like this. It’s just the way we are.


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    • Turkana on June 15, 2009 at 23:05

    of his daughter, too!

  1. I know it is not me, since I don’t engage in maximalist arguments but I was just wondering if there were some group in particular you felt did this? I don’t get accused of wanting Cheney or Bush back, but just because it does not happen to me does not mean it doesn’t happen.  

  2. My favorite word this week.

    • Edger on June 16, 2009 at 00:06

    Heh! Now I can read your essay… 😉

  3. I told you people … the kumbaya thing just isn’t funny!

    So, let me know when the asskicking starts, I’ve got this jpg Ive been saving for a rainy asskicking day:


    oh, wait. wrong pic.

    It really is NOT black and white, ya know.


    • rb137 on June 16, 2009 at 02:25

    Cheney can be VP from his mansafe in an undisclosed location.

    • zett on June 16, 2009 at 02:38

    I’m just too much of a purist…who doesn’t understand how politics works…who’s not a realist…who wants it all now!!! instead of being incremental-ist like the smart people, the sophisticated ones.

    but I’m not sorry.  

  4. Because we get the vapors for rabid weasels


    That is an excellent illustration.  Well done!

    Warmest regards,


  5. … what does Representative Dick Cheney have to do with anything? Hell, the Republicans aren’t even in Majority any more, so their only power is the non-constitutional, anti-democratic institution of the filibuster. Which is in the Senate.

  6. We’re all “smug” and “self-righteous” about our “trivial” “pet issues”.

  7. I clearly prefer Palin.

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