This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Glasgow:
Dear Mrs. McTavish,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, I am considering banning you and your family from shopping with us unless
your husband modifies his behaviour. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s
trolleys when they weren’t looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
‘Code 3 in Housewares’….. and watched what happened.
August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told
shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas
September 23: When the deputy manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
December 6: In the Kitchenware aisle, practised the ‘Madonna look’
using an assortment of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled out
‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed
the foetal position and screamed ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again!’
And last, but not least:
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while and
then yelled, very loudly, ‘There’s no toilet paper in here!’