Revolutionary Pony Party

This letter was recently sent by Tesco’s Head Office to a customer in Glasgow:

Dear Mrs. McTavish,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty

Card, I am considering banning you and your family from shopping with us unless

your husband modifies his behaviour. Below is a list of offences over the past few months, all verified by our

surveillance cameras:

 June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s

trolleys when they weren’t looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine

products aisle.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

‘Code 3 in Housewares’….. and watched what happened.

August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told

shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas

stove.

September 23: When the deputy manager asked if she could help him, he

began to cry and asked, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants

were.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the

‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

December 6: In the Kitchenware aisle, practised the ‘Madonna look’

using an assortment of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled out

‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed

the foetal position and screamed ‘NO! NO! It’s those voices again!’

And last, but not least:

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while and

then yelled, very loudly, ‘There’s no toilet paper in here!’

Yours sincerely

Charles Brown

Store Manager