Tag: snakepit

House to affirm national motto: E pluribus Fuck U-num

In the midst of chronically high unemployment, multiple endless and unwinnable resource wars abroad, a massive financial crime wave sweeping the nation, endemic abuses of civil liberties, worldwide debt deflation, over-population, peak oil, and global environmental collapse, the US House of Representatives will affirm the 1956 law designating our national motto as, “In God We Trust.”

Sponsor Rep. Randy Forbes (R-Vagina) stated that, “This confirmation of pre-existing law will corroborate and sustain our endorsement of (a) the one law already on the books that we pretend to give a shit about, (b) our faith in God to fill the void left by our incompetence, ignorance, and papier mache gestures and emotional inducements covering a complete lack of rectitude, and (c) not only our abdication of legislative responsibility, but our utterly pointless if not harmful political demagoguery in legislative acts explicitly prohibited by the US Constitution.  Someone has to fend for God, dad gummit!”

Next week, the House will take up legislation to make it illegal to wiggle while dancing or to sink the Hawaiian islands.  Also, no throwing Mardi Gras beads from third story balconies, because “you can’t get a good look at their titties down on Bourbon St. from way up there.”