Tag: my ass

WTF was I thinking!?!?!

     Dearest Dharma Bums, I apologize for not being myself lately.

    I have gotten far too optimistic despite reality. That reality is not kind, nor is it full of much hope, rather it is very cruel and very full of shit.

    As many of you have probably read already I posted a diary here this morning that probably left you shaking your heads. I was on my way out to job hunt this morning, and I was trying to give myself a pep talk. Since I wanted to publish a diary before leaving I let that pep talk bleed into my thoughts, but that is a reality that exists in the bright sun of a new day only, and once the wind has hit your face and the ground starts to hurt your feet it is hard to ignore the hunger in your belly that has not been sated, nor is it possible to stay blind with hope forever.

    Therefore, I hereby swear to STOP putting a happy face on BULLSHIT. I have been misusing the Yell Louder mantra, and I promise to STOP the BULLSHIT and only Yell Louder for REAL CHANGE.

    And what we are getting from these corrupt Democan’t is faaaaar from real change.

    Until now I didn’t want to give up on hope. But I have finally realize that hope is for fools if it is not followed by ACTION. Without ACTION hope is just an empty promise, and I will NOT play the pied piper to fools who would happily swallow empty promises, nor will I call a Shit Sandwich a meal rather than starve.

    So, I first wanted to apologize to you all here, whom I love dearly, for enduring my bullshit these past few weeks. I have had problems with depression in the past, and I have taught myself to fight through it by remaining positive even when tere is no reason for doing so. I am now learning that this is not the right way to treat the problem. Putting a smiley face on my great depression and our national great depression for everyone but the top 1% isn’t helping me, you or anyone else. For that, I apologize. I have been trying to keep myself out of a depressive cycle by putting on my positive face, but I have had ENOUGH of it, and I am ready to do what I think I do best.

    And that is to get MAD!

    And boy am I pissed right now.

    I am on the verge of homelessness, I can’t find a job to save my ass, and even if I do I will still be a fucking wage slave, forever doomed, it seems, to live beneath the Iron Heel of the Corporations and their Corporatist puppets in political power.

    There is no happpy spin I can put on this any longer, no positive side to look at it from. I am tired of watching my fellow Americans, be they workers or women, LGBT activists or retirees suffer so that Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Goldman Sachs may live, and I am tired of trying to find the positive side to the shit sandwich we are being served rather than facing the starvation that awaits us if we follow this path, because even though Shit may be filling, it has no nutrition, and neither does this change or reform if that is what some would like to call it.

   So, I am fucking DONE with More and Better, I say it is time for Opertaion Chaos. Though I may get involved in certain elections and races, I am no longer buying an inch of the party line bullshit. I will vote my conscious, speak my principles, and compromise with NO ONE anymore while fighting for my beliefs.

    I want to thank you for having patience with me, and especially to those who were kind enough to hear me out and remind me where my heart truly lies.

    Becuase my heart lies with no party, but with the people it is supposed to represent.

Thank you,