WTF was I thinking!?!?!

     Dearest Dharma Bums, I apologize for not being myself lately.

    I have gotten far too optimistic despite reality. That reality is not kind, nor is it full of much hope, rather it is very cruel and very full of shit.

    As many of you have probably read already I posted a diary here this morning that probably left you shaking your heads. I was on my way out to job hunt this morning, and I was trying to give myself a pep talk. Since I wanted to publish a diary before leaving I let that pep talk bleed into my thoughts, but that is a reality that exists in the bright sun of a new day only, and once the wind has hit your face and the ground starts to hurt your feet it is hard to ignore the hunger in your belly that has not been sated, nor is it possible to stay blind with hope forever.

    Therefore, I hereby swear to STOP putting a happy face on BULLSHIT. I have been misusing the Yell Louder mantra, and I promise to STOP the BULLSHIT and only Yell Louder for REAL CHANGE.

    And what we are getting from these corrupt Democan’t is faaaaar from real change.

    Until now I didn’t want to give up on hope. But I have finally realize that hope is for fools if it is not followed by ACTION. Without ACTION hope is just an empty promise, and I will NOT play the pied piper to fools who would happily swallow empty promises, nor will I call a Shit Sandwich a meal rather than starve.

    So, I first wanted to apologize to you all here, whom I love dearly, for enduring my bullshit these past few weeks. I have had problems with depression in the past, and I have taught myself to fight through it by remaining positive even when tere is no reason for doing so. I am now learning that this is not the right way to treat the problem. Putting a smiley face on my great depression and our national great depression for everyone but the top 1% isn’t helping me, you or anyone else. For that, I apologize. I have been trying to keep myself out of a depressive cycle by putting on my positive face, but I have had ENOUGH of it, and I am ready to do what I think I do best.

    And that is to get MAD!

    And boy am I pissed right now.

    I am on the verge of homelessness, I can’t find a job to save my ass, and even if I do I will still be a fucking wage slave, forever doomed, it seems, to live beneath the Iron Heel of the Corporations and their Corporatist puppets in political power.

    There is no happpy spin I can put on this any longer, no positive side to look at it from. I am tired of watching my fellow Americans, be they workers or women, LGBT activists or retirees suffer so that Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Goldman Sachs may live, and I am tired of trying to find the positive side to the shit sandwich we are being served rather than facing the starvation that awaits us if we follow this path, because even though Shit may be filling, it has no nutrition, and neither does this change or reform if that is what some would like to call it.

   So, I am fucking DONE with More and Better, I say it is time for Opertaion Chaos. Though I may get involved in certain elections and races, I am no longer buying an inch of the party line bullshit. I will vote my conscious, speak my principles, and compromise with NO ONE anymore while fighting for my beliefs.

    I want to thank you for having patience with me, and especially to those who were kind enough to hear me out and remind me where my heart truly lies.

    Becuase my heart lies with no party, but with the people it is supposed to represent.

Thank you,

MoT

40 comments

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  1. It’s time to raise hell.

    And thanks to Tocque and Ek Hornbeck for talking some sense into me. I need to be reminded of who I am, and not what people want me to be.

    So there, that’s done with. I’m back, baby, and hopefully not too late.

  2. There’s plenty out there — I’d say human versatility is the main cause for optimism…

  3. …You should repeat the following mantra 108 times:

    A positive attitude in support of a negative system is very dangerous indeed.

    That should wipe out the last trace of polyannderism.  

    • dkmich on November 10, 2009 at 12:50 am

    The bots demand fealty to the party, and they are quite prepared to stone donut you to get it.

    I am sorry you are having bad times, and I wish I could help you and everyone else that is having trouble finding a job.  Did you see Bob Swern’s diary on how inaccurate all of the economic numbers are including unemployment?  I do think Wall Street is going to live happily ever after, but I am really frightened at what I see happening to so many unemployed people.  

    We are in scary times; but letting yourself get conned by liars and crooks won’t help.  Cass is right about finding the right things to be optimistic about. There are jobs out there, even in Michigan.  Don’t give up, but don’t be afraid to take “anything” that comes your way.  It is amazing how one thing leads to another.    

    • Diane G on November 10, 2009 at 12:55 am

    my dear, and cannot wait for you to come back and raise more with Gottlieb and I.

    🙂

    • Arctor on November 10, 2009 at 12:57 am

    out that there is only one party in control, the Capitalist Party and the Dems and Repubs are just two versions of the same? Of course, on the Orange Page half a million bloggers would respond: “Are You Telling Me Obama is Bush, etc, etc.” And I’m saying that’s not the issue, aside from which end of the pig the lipstick is applied to, we’re being played for suckers. Michael Moore’s recent film ends at the same point a lot of us were on Inauguration Day in January: full of hope that real change was coming. Only a deluded fool can believe that any longer. The Healthcare Bill is another Bank Bailout, post-Katrina, post-9/11 Ripoff Shock Doctrine robbery of the people, by the people (in Congress and the White House) and for the people (who get paid bonuses by large corporations.)

    As Camus wrote in The Rebel, every revolution ends in an increased powerful state. So I wouldn’t advocate to the Barricades. But, I would no longer identify myself as a Democrat and certainly would never vote for a Republican unless Nelson Rockefeller rose from the dead. But what I will do is encourage and support the few “rebels” that do exist: Sanders, Kucinich, and ?? and vote for any reasonable independent candidate that may come along for President or dog catcher in my county!

    And I wish you all the best in finding your way out of your economic morass. As anyone with sense can see in this country today there is an enormous pool of educated and talented young people whose lives are being wasted by these f…ng vampires who inhabit Washington and Wall Street today. And as for the cult of the President that our media promotes, the only thing I want from Barack Obama is my f…ng campaign contributions back that he defrauded me out of!

  4. WTF was I thinking!?!?!

    I thought someone stole your user ID.

    Someone obviously stole my Congresslady’s vote. Diane Watson signed the July 30th letter from the Progressive Caucus promising to vote against a bill with negotiated rates for the public option rather than medicare rates. So much for promises.

    • TMC on November 10, 2009 at 6:08 am

    to snap out of it. If you hang to much on the dark side you start to believe their propaganda. Kind of like the “Stockholm Syndrome” only you haven’t been kidnapped. I realize there are certain “games ” you have to play to stay on the good side of the kids that own the sandbox. Just remember that they only think they are a reality based community.  

  5. questions I posed was how to engage in a constructive dialogue with respect to a controversial subject while getting your point across. Usually two views predominated: 1)Be generous, look for common ground, and try to come to an accomodation while agreeing to disagree. 2)Direct challenge and argue your point tirelessly from all sorts of perspectives.

    I think both approaches are employed by all of us depending on the circumstances. Real dialogue requires person to person contact and allows for more intuitive responses based upon more complex signals. Blogging, I submit, depends more on the momentary mindset of the typist, because there are no other physical/bodily signals to respond to.

    When I press post, I usually question what I just wrote about 50% of the time. Good Luck with job hunting MOT, many people I know are really struggling, even some of my oldest friends who are over 60.

    By the way, I just saw an old Communist friend for the first time in 40 yrs. We agreed on most issues, but our life experiences have shaped our perspectives. It’s a delicate dance indeed. I think my unflattering comments about Hugo Chaves didn’t go over real well.

  6. At least you can still recognize when you’re full of it.

    I was kind to myself and refrained from commenting and/or reacting to anything important,or perceived as important, this weekend.

    Lucky me (and you)I missed your essay! I don’t do well with BS optimism as displayed ‘over there’ and to have it seeping into this beautiful place would’ve pushed me over the edge for sure. 🙂

    • banger on November 10, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    I do mean “we”.

    I’ve been advocating that those of us on the rational left (as distinguished from what usually passes as “progressive”) should be creating our own unions, cooperatives, and corporations. One goal is to give work to each other. And there is work to be done. If I’ve noticed anything in my “normal” work in the corporate fields it is that excellence is not that common — so nearly everybody that writes on this blog would probably do very well in business if they aren’t already. We could create economically viable businesses. And we could raise the money to do so. We just need some minimal trust and organization.

    What do you think? I have a number of ideas that I think could work — of course they take time and most people today are so impatient. I would only start or help start a new venture that supported people who wanted to be more conscious.  

  7. your one of the rare blogger’s who treads the space between, inspiration and outrage. I think we need those who reflect and run the gamut with eyes wide open. You can speak to the fearful and the ones who have firmly implanted their heads in the sand or up their asses.  I sometimes feel I am raining on your parade when I post pessimistic comments in your diaries and essays but they are one of the few places where at least the party loyalists don’t run amok with vitriol. Your heart lies where all of ours should. Don’t close it, it’s a good open place.      

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