The Daily Late Nightly Show (Art Is One of Life’s Richest Offerings.)

“Go on from there.”

Mr. Mainstream

Not Gilligan’s Island

Stephen’s last guests this week are-

Yawn Royal Pains? I haven’t given a damn about the Hamptons since I was forced to read The Great Gatsby in school. You know why teachers assign it? It has an undeserved reputation and is very short for a novel so you have a reasonable expectation that at least a minority of your class will actually read it and can have a discussion, it’s like Old Man and the Sea that way.

You want a real book? Try Miss Lonelyhearts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts–

I am sixteen years old now and I dont know what to do and would appreciate it if you could tell me what to do. When I was a little girl it was not so bad because I got used to the kids on the block makeing fun of me, but now I would like to have boy friends like the other girls and go out on Saturday nites, but no boy will take me because I was born without a nose–although I am a good dancer and have a nice shape and my father buys me pretty clothes.

I sit and look at myself all day and cry. I have a big hole in the middle of my face that scares people even myself so I cant blame the boys for not wanting to take me out. My mother loves me, but she crys terrible when she looks at me.

What did I do to deserve such a terrible bad fate? Even if I did do some bad things I didnt do any before I was a year old and I was born this way. I asked Papa and he says he doesnt know, but that maybe I did something in the other world before I was born or that maybe I was being punished for his sins. I dont believe that because he is a very nice man. Ought I commit suicide?

Sincerely yours,


Now, tell me what’s troubling you.


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  1. Vent Hole

  2. Bananas Stephen!

    Get a dictionary.

  3. And Gwen knows much more about them than you.

    • BobbyK on April 29, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Good thing it wasn’t a song about bologna.

  4. Dogs hate you.

  5. Wheel Of News

  6. No Toy in Cracker Jacks!

  7. Kelly’s co-host

  8. Friday Night Fights

  9. Gandalf and Optimus Prime.

    Stephen lost.

  10. Jessica Williams

  11. Morton Salt Girl v. Captain Crunch

  12. Jessica, you’re wrong. Morton Salt Girl, hands down.

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