U.S. Economy Grinds To Halt

As Nation Realizes Money Just A Symbolic, Mutually Shared Illusion

February 16, 2010


Calling it “basically no more than five rectangular strips of paper,” Fed chairman Ben Bernanke illustrates how much “$200”

is actually worth.

WASHINGTON-The U.S. economy ceased to function this week after unexpected existential remarks by Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke shocked Americans into realizing that money is, in fact, just a meaningless and intangible social construct.

What began as a routine report before the Senate Finance Committee Tuesday ended with Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire concept of currency, and negating in an instant the very foundation of the world’s largest economy.

“Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act appropriately if we…if we…” said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of this-this so-called ‘money’-really matters at all.”

“It’s just an illusion,” a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. “Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless.”

According to witnesses, Finance Committee members sat in thunderstruck silence for several moments until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) finally shouted out, “Oh my God, he’s right. It’s all a mirage. All of it-the money, our whole economy-it’s all a lie!”


The realization that money is nothing more than an elaborate head game seems to have penetrated the entire country: In Wilmington, DE, for instance, a collection agent reportedly broke down in joyful sobs when he informed a woman on the other end of the phone that he had absolutely no reason to harass her anymore, as her Discover Card debt was no longer comprehensible.

For some Americans, the fog of disbelief surrounding the nation’s epiphany has begun to lift, with many building new lives free from the illusion of money.

Read it all here…


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    • Edger on February 17, 2010 at 17:54

  1. Evidently nobody in Washington has ever taken Economics 101.

  2. … every time I read/hear about how “they” can’t do anything about these bank regulations, I want to scream.

    It’s government assigning values to certain things, goods, or activities, it’s all man made, and they rig it so the friends of the Senate and the Supreme Court get all the goodies.

    “Obama administration forms bipartisanshipthingee committee to rein in entitlement spending and reduce deficit”  “domestic spending freeze”  “foreclosures coming for business properties w/ mortgages underwater” “afghan/pakistan offensive”  “tax on health insurance for working class”…..

    these idiots keep this crap up and we’re going to be in social unrest by next summer if not this one.  

  3. as an exchange of energy and time, the paper itself being useless. The trouble is that the energy workers put out is  no longer exchanged, it’s worthless and labor is a profit loss. The funny money is all they count. What do I know, I’m notoriously ‘materialistically challenged’ as a yuppie friend once called me.  Ithica hours would do nicely if only the plumber would take them. …Maybe we will have to come up with systems like this where your energy and time do get exchanged, sounds like a freer market then the one we are slaving under which places no value on anything but profit.

    ‘The Ithaca HOUR is a local currency used in Ithaca, New York and is the oldest and largest local currency system in the United States that is still operating. It has inspired other similar systems in Madison, Wisconsin, Corvallis, Oregon, and a proposed system in the Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania.] One Ithaca HOUR is valued at US$10 and is generally recommended to be used as payment for one hour’s work, although the rate is negotiable…

    ‘Ithaca Hours were started by Paul Glover in November of 1991. The system has historical roots in scrip and alternative and local currencies that proliferated in America during the great depression.’….


  4. Got 500 .223

    Need Nines and .357mags

  5. Does that mean the chicks are free?

  6. The phantom, symbolic construct that is representative of value has twisted the modern psyche into knots. By attributing value to everything, we’ve just added another filter between ourselves and reality. And language, one of our most realiable tools for understanding, cannot even come close to taming this ever so seductive inclination to judge the relative value of literally everything with



    Oh My Zeus, Greece doesn’t have any money, maybe they should sell the Acropolis to the Chinese.  

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