Olympic Alternatives XI

You thought I was not serious?

I’m dead serious.  The only way to effect change is through sacrifice (changing your habits) and protest (telling people what you think, publicly).

Plenty of other stuff out on the Hypnotoad.  Just look-

The Hypnotoad.

"Television is a vast wasteland"

Mid-Afternoon Update.

Early Evening Update.

Early Primetime Update.

Late Primetime Update.

Late Night Update.

Why are you Update.

Lots of medal games today.

Here’s a list of things (not comprehensive) I think more worthy of your eyeballs.

Instead of Women’s Curling China v. Switzerland (Bronze) on USA

8:00 History Patton 360 1:00
8:00 SciFi Eureka 4:00
9:00 Spike CSI 7:00
10:00 AMC Jack 12:30
10:00 Bravo The Thomas Crown Affair 12:30
10:00 FX The Missing 1:00
10:30 TV Land Bonanza 5:00
11:30 Oxygen Beautiful 2:00
11:30 TCM The Merry Widow 1:30
12:00 ABC Family Full House 1:00
12:00 Lifetime Wife Swap 3:00
12:00 Discovery Da Vinci Shroud 1:00
12:00 TNT Las Vegas 2:00
12:30 AMC Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 3:00
12:30 Bravo Kell on Earth 2:30
1:00 Comedy Daily Show, Colbert Report 2:00
1:30 TCM The V.I.P.s 3:30
1:30 Disney Sonny With A Chance 4:00
2:00 ABC Family Sabrina the Teenage Witch 3:00
2:00 Comedy National Lampoon’s European Vacation 4:00
2:00 History Patton 360 7:00
2:00 Oxygen Center Stage: Turn It Up 4:00
2:00 Nick Spongebob Squarepants 3:00
2:00 TNT Cold Case 4:00
2:30 Bravo Shear Genius 4:30

No ultra marathons so far today though CSI takes it’s usual 10 Hours.  Patton 360 almost seems like a light weight clocking in at half that.  Someone at TV Land is a Pernell Roberts fan.

Your fun fact about European Vacation is that in this outing they misspell the family’s name.  I can’t believe they waited a whole 8 years to make a sequel to Center Stage.

The Thomas Crown Affair is the good 1968 Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway version, not the sucky 1999 Brosnan, Russo one.

The V.I.P.s did well at the box office because people wanted to see Taylor and Burton, but it’s not the type of movie I like except from an exploration of different attitudes historically standpoint.  A lot of the situtations seem “quaint” today.

The Merry Widow is mainly notable for Lana Turner.  Beautiful is Sally Field’s directorial debut.  The Missing is a Ron Howard film and features actual Apache dialog.  Jack is too sad for me.

I read an analysis somewhere that contends that Ferris is actually Cameron’s repressed side and the whole day off nothing but a fevered fantasy.  I’m not quite sure how that helps you enjoy the film more.  In High School my friends and I frequently did spring ourselves for days off and lunches and things because we were the “good” students and many of us worked on the school’s alternative newspaper (there was an ‘official’ one and there was us) and we had passes so that we could go out to the printers and supervise production.

Last Report of Vancouverage 2010.  See Stephen’s inspiring pep talk and Al Michels owes him a “Do you believe in miracles!”

Instead of Men’s Hockey Semi Final US v. Finland on NBC or Speed Skating Pursuit on MSNBC (3:30)

3:00 A&E CSI 7:00
3:00 ABC Family Full House 4:00
3:00 Lifetime Desperate Housewives 6:00
3:00 Nick Fairly Odd Parents 3:30
3:00 USA Law & Order 6:00
3:30 TCM The Whisperers 5:30
4:00 TNT Law & Order 7:00
4:00 Disney Phineas and Ferb 6:00
5:00 AMC Ocean’s Twelve 8:00
5:00 Bravo Real Housewives 10:00
5:00 ABC Family Gilmore Girls 6:00
5:00 Nick Spongebob Squarepants 6:00
5:00 SciFi Stargate 9:00
5:00 Discovery Cash Cab 7:00
5:00 Oxygen Panic Room 7:30
5:30 TCM Victor/Victoria 8:00

Gilmore Girls episode 3 wherein Rory takes up Golf as a sport (she later on drops it for Fencing and I can’t say I blame her, nothing but a good walk spoiled).

Clooney fans get some eye candy.  If I were a little more ambitious I’d be checking the Roseanne episodes because one of the networks is in the Wellman Plastics part of the cycle that he appears in.

There’s not a lot of information out there on The Whisperers.  Panic Room is only worth watching if you’re John Hinkley Jr.

It’s Julie Andrews night on TCM.  I think V/V is her best movie ever, and it’s not a bad Robert Preston/James Garner film either.  Alex Karras get another chance to say- “No, Mongo straight.”

Stargate rolls right into the 2 hour premier of Stargate Universe which I like better than I expected to, though it has its flaws.  For one thing, flying into the star as a refueling manuever was really much more obvious than they made it seem.  Still, marooning Dr. Rush is an interesting cliff hanger, though he still has a whole alien ship to play with so I confidently predict we’ll see him again.

Instead of Women’s Curling Canada v. Sweden (Gold) on CNBC

6:00 Lifetime Grey’s Anatomy 9:00
6:00 USA NCIS 9:00
7:00 A&E Criminal Minds 4:00
7:00 Comedy Daily Show, Colbert Report 8:00
7:00 ESPN Dallas @ Atlanta 9:30
7:00 ABC Family America’s Funniest Home Videos 11:00
7:00 FX The Simpson’s Movie 9:00
7:00 Discovery Dirty Jobs 9:00
7:00 Nick iCarly 8:30
7:00 TLC What Not To Wear 10:00
7:00 TNT Bones 9:00
7:00 Travel Man v. Food 9:00
7:00 Toon Johnny Test 7:30
7:30 Oxygen Top Gun (x 2) 12:30
7:30 Toon Batman: The Brave and the Bold 8:00

Well LL, as it turns out you can watch Criminal Minds for 9 Hours tonight.  I hope it makes you very happy.

Batman B&B features an appearance of the Golden Age Justice Society.  I know I haven’t seen this one before.

I’d tell you this is your last chance to get Vancouvered 2010, but the truth is that it will repeat on Monday in the normal time slots of 9:30 am, and 1:30 and 7:30 pm.

I still like the Simpsons but I’ll tell you a movie I’ve had enough of- (Forrest Gump?)  Well, yes.  But in this case I’m talking about Top Gun.  In fact I’m finding it hard to remember a Tom Cruise movie that I have liked since Risky Business.

Instead of Women’s Slalom, Bobsled, Short Track on NBC

8:00 AMC Forrest Gump (x 2) 2:00
8:00 MSNBC Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow 12:00
8:00 TBS Family Guy 9:00
8:00 Toon Johnny Test 8:30
8:00 TCM Thoroughly Modern Millie 10:30
8:00 Food Chopped 9:00
8:30 Toon Ben 10: Alien Force 9:00

Gumped again.

This time period may not look like much, but that’s because so many things started earlier and it’s only an hour until the next event.

It does have your second feature from Julie Andrews- Millie.  Now I had been thinking (since TCM tends to go with themes) that we’d get another Andrews picture after this, but instead they’re going to pivot on the female supporting actress and follow up with another film by Mary Tyler Moore next.  It’s her breakout role in the same way V/V was for Julie (well, if you don’t count that one where she gratuitously flashed her tits).

Millie has its charms but is mostly a conventional happy ending musical, hardly as dark or deep as South Pacific even.

Instead of Men’s Hockey Semi Final Canada v. Slovakia on CNBC

9:00 FX Wild Hogs 11:00
9:00 History WW II in HD 11:00
9:00 Lifetime Project Runway 11:00
9:00 SciFi Caprica 10:00
9:00 TNT The Longest Yard 11:30
9:00 TV Land Baby Boom 11:30
9:00 Toon Star Wars: The Clone Wars 9:30
9:00 Disney Phineas and Ferb 10:00
9:00 USA Final Destination 2 11:00
9:00 TBS Diary of a Mad Black Woman 11:30
9:30 ESPN Orlando @ New Orleans 12:00
9:30 VH-1 Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr. Drew 10:30
10:00 Bravo A League of Their Own (x 2) 3:00
10:00 SciFi Warehouse 13 11:00
10:00 Toon King of the Hill 11:00
10:30 TCM Ordinary People 12:30
11:00 Toon Baby Blues 11:30
11:00 Food Good Eats 11:30
11:00 SciFi Caprica 12:00
11:00 USA The Skeleton Key 1:00
11:30 Toon American Dad 12:00
11:30 TNT The Replacements 2:00
11:30 TBS I Think I Love My Wife 1:30

Another Tom Hanks movie we’ll see twice that’s NOT Philadelphia or (shudder) Forrest Gump.

And this one I wouldn’t actually mind seeing over and over.  Geena Davis is brilliant and even Maddona is not so bad, though Geena (who’s an Amazon) is a bit miscast as a catcher.  Did you know she’s an Olympic caliber archer?

The Longest Yard isn’t even the so-so 1974 Burt Reynolds original.  No, it’s the execrable 2005 Adam Sandler re-make.  Hollywood- some things are just not worth doing.

Like for instance Wild Hogs.  The sequel was yanked in pre-production, which is a good thing.  The mystery is why the original got a green light in the first place.  Not just bad- homophobic.

I have no idea why Baby Boom ended up on TV Land unless, like SCTV, they figure if a movie has even been on TV- its TV.  The only people in the cast who have an association with TV are Harold Ramis (of SCTV), Linda Ellerbee, and Mary Gross.

The only thing Destination 2 has going for it is its location, White Plains New York.  Diary explains why Tyler Perry is famous.

The Skeleton Key might interest TheMomCat because voodoo (misspelled as far as I’m concerned ‘hoodoo’ unless they really are as different as Lutheran Church of America and Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) is a large part of the plot.

No matter how much you like Keanu Reeves and Gene Hackman, you can’t root for The Replacements.  They’re SCABS!

American Dad is Seth MacFarlane’s attempt to be even more offensive than Family Guy, just to piss off Faux.  He succeeds.

Caprica is a new episode which makes me wish I had paid more attention last week’s except I expect I haven’t really missed that much.

Ordinary People is that breakout Mary Tyler Moore role I alluded to earlier.  This movie so completely captured my relationship with Richard and Emily that I spent 3 years in therapy.

You just think I’m kidding.

Instead of Snowboarding PGS, Men’s Biathlon, Medals and repeats on NBC

12:00 Food Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives 1:00
12:00 FX Mr. 3000 2:00
12:00 SciFi Warehouse 13 1:00
12:00 Toon The Mighty Boosh 1:00
12:00 Travel Man v. Food 1:00
12:30 Lifetime Medium 2:30
12:30 Oxygen Panic Room 3:00
12:30 TCM Serpico 3:00
12:30 TV Land Roseanne 2:30
1:00 History WW II in HD 3:00
1:00 SciFi Stargate Atlantis 3:00
1:00 TLC What Not To Wear 3:00
1:00 Toon The Office, Look Around You 2:00
1:00 USA Final Destination 2 3:00
1:00 VH-1 Celebrity Rehab w/ Dr Drew 2:00
1:00 Comedy American Pie Presents The Naked Mile 3:00
1:00 Food The Best Thing I Ever Ate 2:00
1:30 TBS The Cookout 3:00
1:30 Spike Predator 2 4:00
2:00 AMC Exorcist: The Beginning 4:30
2:00 TNT Varsity Blues 4:00
2:00 Toon King of the Hill 3:00
2:00 VH-1 Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp 3:00
2:00 Food Good Eats 2:30
2:30 TV Land Cosby Show 4:00

I’ll not bother with things you already have my opinion on (Panic Room, Destination 2).

Mr. 3000 is a nice story as you might expect from a Touchstone flick.  It features Bernie Mac if that’s any incentive for you, I’ve never seen it.

TheMomCat will be disappointed to know that no filming for Serpico took place on Staten Island even though there were over 105 location shots and evey other borough is represented.

The Cookout is a Queen Latifa family project and marks her mother’s film debut.  It also has Tim Meadows, Farrah Fawcett, and Danny Glover.

Danny Glover is also in Predator 2 and it doesn’t have Aaaahnold.  These are selling points folks.

The Beginning is a prequel to The Exorcist.  It is the the second version of the third Exorcist sequel.  Confused yet?  Me too.

Varsity Blues is about Texas High school Football and has Jon Voight playing an asshole.  Perfect casting.

The Naked Mile does have the virtue of taking place at University of Michigan, alma mater of Lawrence Kasdan and my Aunt and Uncle.  On the other hand my parents went to State.  Direct to DVD pretty much summarizes it.  This is no Big Chill.

The Mighty Boosh is hard to categorize and very confusing.  What I really like is when Howard and Vince ‘Crimp’ which is a very fast and funny kind of British Rap.

It’s part of Adult Swim’s ‘Brit Block’ which also includes The Office and Look Around You, a very funny sendup of mid-seventies scientific instructional programming.  The episodes airing after The Office are the 15 minute shorts from Season One.

Instead of Men’s Curling Semi Final Norway v. Switzerland on MSNBC

3:00 Bravo Shear Genius 4:00
3:00 ESPN Orlando at New Orleans 5:00
3:00 Food Chopped 4:00
3:00 SciFi The Insatiable 5:00
3:00 TBS Married With Children 6:30
3:00 TCM Seconds 5:00
3:00 Toon Baby Blues, American Dad 4:00
4:00 TNT Number3rs 6:00
4:00 Toon The Mighty Boosh 5:00
4:30 AMC Blood of Dracula 6:00
5:00 Toon Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, Home Movies 6:00

Of these offerings I recommend that you at least give the wiki of Seconds a scan.  It has Rock Hudson…  Chilling.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace is just some weird fun.  It is a series with a single intent: “to change the evolutionary course of Man over a series of half-hour episodes.”

This part still under construction, expect updates.

All of them far more worth your eyeballs than NBC and its horrible coverage.

This isn’t even political, except for the lesson in activism.

Am I serious?

Dead serious.

Email- [email protected]

Oh Rose, have something to eat.

Two hundred thousand years in the future he’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do.

Well, like you said, two hundred thousand years, it’s way off!

But it’s not!  It’s now.  That fight is happening right now!  And he’s fighting for us, for the whole planet, and I’m just sitting here eating chips!

Listen to me!  God knows I have hated that man, but right now I love him, and do you know why?  Cause he did the right thing, he sent you back to me!

But what do I do every day, Mum?  What do I do?  Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips and go to bed, is that it?!

It’s what the rest of us do.

But I can’t!

Why, cause you’re better than us??

NO, I didn’t mean that!  I just…  But it was.  It was a better life!

And I don’t mean all the travelling, and seeing aliens and spaceships and things, that don’t matter.

The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life.  You know, he showed you too!

That you don’t just give up!  You don’t just let things happen!

You make a stand, you say no, you have the guts to do what’s right when everyone else just runs away.

I want to make it very clear that you can use this thread to talk about the Olympics all you like.

I will be watching something else.

And you’re perfectly free to post your own essay, I might even promote it.

But to those who say that it doesn’t matter, that now that NBC has its advertisers ratings mean nothing, you couldn’t be more wrong.  They have guaranteed those advertisers a certain number of eyeballs and if NBC doesn’t make their numbers they have to give their sponsors free advertising until they do.

You have power.  You just have to have the willpower to use it.


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  1. Mid-Afternoon Update soon.

  2. its all so sucky.

    What’d they do with my C.S.I…? now they’ve got me addicted to Criminal Minds. I like the geeky guy. lol.

  3. that the Swiss have shaken hands.

  4. 6 – 0 US

    Shots on Goal 16 – 4

  5. So I can have an extra hour to finish my commentary silly.

  6. Canada vs Slovakia but there is a live chat on CBC that I will follow.

    While Team Canada is still alive there is no other alternative for me.

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