Olympic Alternatives V

You thought I was not serious?

I’m dead serious.  The only way to effect change is through sacrifice (changing your habits) and protest (telling people what you think, publicly).

Plenty of other stuff out on the Hypnotoad.  Just look-

The Hypnotoad.

"Television is a vast wasteland"

Mid-afternoon update.

Early evening update.

Late evening update.

Late night update.

Here’s a list of things (not comprehensive) I think more worthy of your eyeballs.

Instead of Men’s Curling on MSNBC

8:00 History Life After People 4:00
9:00 Oxygen America’s Next Top Model 9:00
11:30 FX Epic Movie 1:30
12:00 AMC Dances With Wolves 4:00
12:00 ESPN Seton Hall @ West Virginia 2:00
12:00 E! Keeping Up With the Kardashians 5:00
12:00 Discovery Deadliest Catch 3:00
12:00 TNT Law & Order 1:00
12:00 USA Friday After Next 2:00
12:00 Disney Pocahontas 1:30
12:00 Travel Bizarre Foods w/ Andrew Zimmern 2:00
12:30 SciFi Fire and Ice 2:30

America’s Next Top Model 12 Hour Marathon!  15 HOURS of Deadliest Catch!

Be still my heart.

Instead of Women’s Freestyle on NBC

1: 00 Bravo Kell On Earth 3:00
1: 00 Comedy The Golden Child 3:00
1: 00 TNT The Patriot 4:30
1: 00 A&E Paranormal Cops 3:00
1: 00 TBS Almost Famous 3:30
1: 00 TLC What Not To Wear 3:00
1: 00 TV Land A River Runs Through It 4:00
1: 00 Lifetime A Decent Proposal 3:00
1: 00 TCM Splendor in the Grass 3:30
1:30 Spike Lake Placid 3:30
1:30 Disney Phineas & Ferb 4:00
1:30 FX The Comebacks 4:00
2:00 Nick Fairly Odd Parents 3:00
2:00 USA Good Luck Chuck 4:00
2:00 ESPN Texas @ Texas Tech 4:00

It’s Eddie Murphy Day on Comedy.  A River Runs Through It seems to me an odd choice for TV Land given the network’s mission.

What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind…

Instead of Ski Jumping on NBC

2:30 SciFi 100 Million BC 4:30
2:30 Toon Courage The Cowardly Dog 4:00

Yes it’s short.  It’s on the odd half hour.  Did I mention that 15 HOUR Deadliest Catch Marathon?

Instead of Men’s Hockey on MSNBC

3:00 A&E Paranormal State 6:00
3:00 Animal Planet Venom In Vegas 5:00
3:00 Bravo Real Housewives 6:00
3:00 Comedy Beverly Hills Cop II 5:00
3:00 Lifetime Love Notes 5:00
3:00 TLC Say Yes to the Dress 4:00
3:30 TCM 2001 6:00
3:30 Spike 1000 Ways to Die 6:00

Told you it was Eddie Murphy day.

2001 is just an incredibly good movie.  Not to spoil it, but it’s part of a double feature with 2010 which is also a good movie but not as good as 2001.

In case you’ve been wondering all these years, what makes HAL go insane is that he’s been told to lie to Bowman and Poole about the mission objectives which are only known to HAL and the 3 astronauts in hibernation- Victor Kaminski, Jack Kimball, and Charles Hunter (there was a scene of them in training, but it got cut).

The secret is only revealed in that tiny video message from Heywood Floyd right after Bowman disables HAL.

Good day, gentlemen. This is a prerecorded briefing made prior to your departure and which for security reasons of the highest importance has been known on board during the mission only by your H-A-L 9000 computer. Now that you are in Jupiter’s space, and the entire crew is revived, it can be told to you. Eighteen months ago, the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried 40 feet below the lunar surface, near the crater Tycho. Except for a single, very powerful radio emission aimed at Jupiter, the four million year old black monolith has remained completely inert, its origin and purpose still a total mystery.

I’m afraid I can’t do that.  Daisy… Daaaisy…

Just a moment. Just a moment.

Instead of Cross Country Men’s 30k Persuit on NBC

4:00 ESPN Illinios @ Perdue 6:00
4:00 Food Dinner Impossible 5:00
4:00 FX Dodgeball 6:00
4:00 TLC Police Women of Broward County 3:00
4:00 USA NCIS 11:00
4:00 TV Land Andy Griffth Show 10:00
4:00 AMC Broken Trail 8:00
4:00 TBS Everbody Loves Raymond 5:30
4:00 Disney Suite Life: On Deck 10:00
4:30 TNT Braveheart 8:00
4:30 Sci Fi Wyvern 6:30

Police Women of Broward County 11 HOUR Marathon!  8 Hours of NCIS!  7 hours of Opie!  6 Hours of Suite Life!

Instead of Women’s Curling on CNBC

5:00 Food Iron Chef America 7:00
5:00 Lifetime Not My Life 7:00
5:00 Nick Spongebob Squarepants 6:00
5:00 Comedy Beverly Hills Cop III 7:00
6:00 ESPN Kentucky @ Vanderbilt 8:00
6:00 TCM 2010 8:00
6:00 Toon Johnny Test 7:00
6:00 FX Rush Hour 8:00
6:00 A&E CSI 8:00
6:00 Bravo House 2:00
6:00 Nick ICarly 8:30
6:30 SciFi Predator 9:00
7:00 Lifetime In The Land of Women 9:00
7:00 Spike The Hills have Eyes 9:30

9 HOUR House Marathon!  More Eddie Murphy!

2010 is not such a bad movie, Roy Scheider, John Lithgow, and Helen Mirren.  Much better than Aaaahnold, though this was his best movie.

Instead of Men’s Hockey on MSNBC

Nothing new except An American Carol on The Movie Channel.

You know, you’re really lucky to have me because Ugly Betty repeats squeeze down your TV Guide channel to a single line of uselessness.

Instead of Women’s Super G, Men’s Short Track 1000m, and Speed Skating 1500m on NBC

8:00 A&E The Green Mile 11:00
8:00 Food Food Network Challenge 10:00
8:00 AMC The Queen 10:00
8:00 ABC Family The Notebook 11:00
8:00 Food Food Network Challenge 10:00
8:00 FX XXX 10:30
8:00 TBS Family Guy 9:00
8:00 TCM Close encounters of the Third Kind 10:30
8:00 TNT The Chronicles of Riddick 10:30
8:00 Toon Teen Titans, Batman: The Brave and the Bold 9:00
9:00 ESPN UCLA @ Washington 11:00
9:00 Lifetime Waitress 2:00
9:00 Oxygen Bruce Almighty 1:00
9:00 SciFi The Land That Time Forgot 11:00
9:00 TBS Hitch 11:30

Instead of Men’s Curling on CNBC

9:30 Spike The Hills Have Eyes II 11:30
10:00 MTV The Amityville Horror 2:00
10:00 TV Land Roseanne 2:30
10:00 Toon King of the Hill 11:00
10:00 AMC Philadelphia 1:00
10:30 FX Gridiron Gang 2:00
10:30 TCM The Goodbye Girl 12:30
10:30 TNT Batman & Robin 1:00
10:30 VH-1 Scream 3 1:00
11:00 SciFi Reign of Fire 1:00
11:00 ABC Family Notting Hill 2:00
11:00 Food Iron Chef America 12:00
11:30 Spike The Hills Have Eyes 2:00
11:30 TBS Last Holiday 1:30
11:30 Toon Boondocks 12:00

Instead of Men’s Hockey on MSNBC or Women’s Short Track (1500m) and Medal Ceremonies on NBC

12:00 A&E The Green Mile 3:00
12:00 Toon Fullmetal Alchemist 12:30
12:00 USA Burn Notice 1:00
12:00 Food Food Network Challenge 2:00
12:30 TCM Chapter Two 2:30
12:30 Toon Bleach 2:30
1:00 Lifetime Cellular 3:00
1:00 SciFi The Odyssey 5:00
1:00 TNT Resident Evil: Apocalypse 3:00
1:00 AMC Broken Lance 3:00
1:30 TBS Almost Famous 4:00
2:00 Food Iron Chef America 3:00
2:00 Nick Everybody Hates Chris 4:00
2:30 Toon FLCL 3:00
2:30 TCM Comes A Horseman 4:30

This part still under construction, expect updates.

All of them far more worth your eyeballs than NBC and it’s horrible coverage.

This isn’t even political, except for the lesson in activism.

Am I serious?

Dead serious.

Email- [email protected]

Oh Rose, have something to eat.

Two hundred thousand years in the future he’s dying, and there’s nothing I can do.

Well, like you said, two hundred thousand years, it’s way off!

But it’s not!  It’s now.  That fight is happening right now!  And he’s fighting for us, for the whole planet, and I’m just sitting here eating chips!

Listen to me!  God knows I have hated that man, but right now I love him, and do you know why?  Cause he did the right thing, he sent you back to me!

But what do I do every day, Mum?  What do I do?  Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips and go to bed, is that it?!

It’s what the rest of us do.

But I can’t!

Why, cause you’re better than us??

NO, I didn’t mean that!  I just…  But it was.  It was a better life!

And I don’t mean all the travelling, and seeing aliens and spaceships and things, that don’t matter.

The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life.  You know, he showed you too!

That you don’t just give up!  You don’t just let things happen!

You make a stand, you say no, you have the guts to do what’s right when everyone else just runs away.

I want to make it very clear that you can use this thread to talk about the Olympics all you like.

I will be watching something else.

And you’re perfectly free to post your own essay, I might even promote it.

But to those who say that it doesn’t matter, that now that NBC has its advertisers ratings mean nothing, you couldn’t be more wrong.  They have guaranteed those advertisers a certain number of eyeballs and if NBC doesn’t make their numbers they have to give their sponsors free advertising until they do.

You have power.  You just have to have the willpower to use it.


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  1. An incredibly chopped up day so this is taking longer to assemble.

  2. Shuster’s back.

    • rossl on February 20, 2010 at 18:39

    Didn’t you like them a lot just a week or so ago?

  3. Or so my brother says.

    • TMC on February 20, 2010 at 22:01

    from Ray Radlein

    Hmmm. Let me see if I can get the basics:

       * The game is played by two teams of five players.

       * The action takes place in ten “innings,” called “ends.”

       * During each end, each player on each team throws two stones each, alternating throws between teams, in the same player order each time (i.e. A1B1A1B1A2B2A2B2…, etc.).

       * After the first end, whichever team scored most recently goes first. If no team scores in an end, the teams throw in the same order in the next end.

       * Only rocks which are at least partially within the bullseye target circles count towards scoring. Rocks which hit the side of the rink, fail to make it past the half-way line, or move entirely past the far end of the bullseye are removed from play immediately.

       * After all rocks have been thrown, one point is awarded for each rock which is closer to the center of the target than any rock of the opposing team (i.e., if you have the two closest stones to the center, you get two points).

       * There is a cumulative game shot clock for each team of 75(?) minutes (although teams have two time outs which they can call). If a team does not throw its 100 total rocks within that 75 total minutes, they forfeit.

       * If the score if tied after ten ends, play proceeds via sudden death extra ends.

    Those are the basic rules, as far as I can tell (I’m assuming such obvious rules as “don’t kick the rocks or touch them with your broom thingies,” “release the rock before you pass over the start line,” etc.). A few other rules which matter:

       * Throwing order in the first end is determined by the captain of each team throwing one rock each, closest to the center of the target. In the event of a tie (possible because, unlike during play, the first rock is removed after the throw before the second rock is thrown, making direct comparison of close cases difficult) a coin flip is used.

       * Sweepers from the “defense” (the team which did not throw a given rock) can only sweep stones which have gone past the center line of the bullseye target.

       * Stones which are left short of the bullseye (so-called “guards”) cannot be knocked out of play in the first four throws of an end.

    That’s about it, really. I’m sure there are the usual equipment, personnel, and behavior regulations of the sort that every sport has, but as for the actual play, I think I’ve about covered the rules, as far as I can tell.

    And some answers to questions


    What is the effect of a household chore on the ice?

    The sweepers are exerting pressure on the ice in front of the rock, causing a small amount of it to melt, giving the rock a thin temporary layer of water to float along, decreasing its coefficient of friction, causing it to move further. In effect, they are fine tuning the throw as it goes along.


    What makes them curl? Just that slight hand spin of the thrower?

    That, and sweeping preferentially on one side of the rock’s path vs. the other.


    I see them passing up obvious single point ends just to hold onto position so that they can have ‘the rock’ in the last end.

       The announcer last night actually said, “I’d rather be one down with the rock for the last end than up by one” Waaaaaaaat?

    The thinking is that, all things being equal, the last team throwing should usually be able to score one point, by having the nearest rock. But if things are set up right, the last rock in can garner you two or three points (heck, last night I watched Canada score five points with a last rock in an end), which is, obviously, better. So if it doesn’t look like you’re going to be able to score two or more points in an end, you may want to try make sure that no points are scored in the end, so that you can keep the last throw and maybe set things up better in the next end.

    If you are down one coming in to the last end, but with the last rock, there’s a pretty decent chance that you can scratch out one point to tie if you have to; but, with a bit of luck, you can make that last throw get you two points, and, hence, a win.

    If you want to think of it in football terms, think of it like one of those shootouts where you just know that the last team with the ball is going to win. It’s like saying, “I’d rather be down three with Drew Brees and the ball in the last minute than up three facing Peyton Manning in the last minute.”

  4. I still have the utmost confidence in this mission.

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