The Stars Hollow Gazette

So yesterday I mentioned that I life guarded at the most dangerous natural swimming hole in town.  I should temper that by saying that in mumblety-mumble years of life guarding I can only recall 2 times when any sort of rescue demanded my attention at all, both at a world class ultra modern Olympic caliber pool.

The first one scared the crap out of me.  A little kid, about 6 or 7 was screwing around on the lip of the pool and had one leg slip into the gutter and fell down.  I was sure I’d be dealing with a broken leg if not teeth sprayed out like Chiclets and a concussion.  Kid bounced up almost before I could get to him, giggled, and ran back to his mom.

Hey!  No running on deck!

The other time I was in the chair when some poor kids came in.  I know they were poor because one of them couldn’t afford a bathing suit, only a t-shirt and a bathing cap.  None of them could swim very well but they were staying by the side of the pool and not in any danger that I could see when my supervisor dove in and “rescued” the one with the t-shirt.

Personally I think it was simply for swimming while poor.

And if you happen to think that was icky you never had to deal with the severely learning disabled kids crapping their suits during lessons.  What the hell do you think the chlorine is for?

I haven’t quite gotten to my dangerous swimming hole yet but it will have to wait for another installment while I leave you with this story-

I once worked an outdoor pool in a park where, when people weren’t trying to climb the razor wire after dark, the drunks would amuse themselves by tossing their beer bottles over it so that they would shatter on the edge of the deck and spray the broken glass in the bottom.  The Budweiser and Heineken weren’t so bad, but you really had to look out for the Miller.


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  1. Most days it was a question whether we could clean it up enough to open at all.  During the week I worked there though we didn’t have any cuts.

  2. I did all of my swimming at the local outdoor public pool. Do they even have those now?

    I grew up in the era of total kiddie freedom. We rode our bikes to the pool. There was a hockey arena on one side of the pool where the serious guys did summer hockey camp and baseball fields on the other so sometimes we brought our bats and gloves to play some softball after. Boys did not actually play softball but if they were stuck with the girls they would.

    The feeling among parents of that era was the if the kids showed up at home too early something bad had happened. They wanted you back for dinner and that was it.

    We were expected to be gone all day.

    In my neighborhood, “rich” was loosely defined by the kids as anybody who actually had a pool in their back yard. I played hockey with a girl who did and it was a big deal to be invited over for a swimming party.

    • Pluto on February 27, 2009 at 07:20

    You are the “lifeguard.” The virtual one. You can take the boy out of the swimming hole, but…

  3. I grew up near the beach on Lake Michigan but even in summer the water was too friggin COLD!  So as a preteen my friends and I got memberships to the local pool – and we all had big crushes on the lifeguards.  lol! We must have made fools of ourselves trying to get their attention.  Got any goofy girl stories ek? Lifeguards are hot!  🙂

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