Poor Sarah Palin . . .

(noon. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Poor Sarah Palin . . .

Look at her up there smiling.  They always smile before they realize what’s about to happen to them.

Sarah Palin is about to become a human sacrifice to the electoral gods.

Poor Sarah Palin. She doesn’t know it yet, but she was just chosen to be the punchline in the Republicans’ latest Friday Comedy Dump.

Or maybe she did know and just didn’t care.

Maybe it should have occurred to her earlier, as Capt. John McCain weighed his forlorn choices for first mate of the RMS (Republicans’ Massive Shitpile)  Titanic, that serving as “first mate” under Capt. John McCain was an ill-advised career choice.

Poor Sarah Palin, doomed to be John McCain’s Harriet Miers. By my watch, she’s, let’s see . . . fourteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds from political oblivion, scheduled for a guest spot on “What’s My Line?” in 2015.

And maybe that same thought crossed her mind, too, but she was just too polite, or too hesitant, or too ambitious, or simply too slow, to get out while she could. Maybe, as one by one the more astute potential victims of the McCain veepstakes found other pressing matters to attend to, like washing the dog or sorting coupons or dusting under the couch, maybe poor Sarah Palin, realizing she was all by her little ol’ lonesome in the Oh-My-God-I’m-Going-To-Be-One-Half-Of-The-Worst-Presidential-Ticket-In-History green room, looked around, her limpid brown beauty queen’s eyes growing big as saucers, and squeaked, almost silently, “Are you sure – ? I thought maybe we were just kidding . . . ” And when the Republican chieftains nodded solemnly and pityingly and said, “Yes, Sarah, it’s you,” poor Sarah swooned, but the Chief Republican caught her before she could hit the ground and blemish that otherwise perfect Miss Alaska 1984 runner-up-plus-a-quarter-century face. And then the Chief Republican – still strong and virile 40 years after spending five years in a North Vietnamese prison camp – did I mention he spent five years in a North Vietnamese prison camp? – carried her limp body solemnly up that long, long flight of stone-hewn steps leading to the altar of November 4, and her awful fate.

(I suppose now the Republicans will have to construct a stage set at the Xcel Energy Center reminiscent of the pyramid at Tenochtitlan. No Greek togas for them, nossir – just pure American. Well, Central American. Okay – pre-American, sheesh.)

Poor Sarah Palin, destined to become a punchline, like Dan Quayle. Only I’m quiet shoor this time they vetted her bedder – not only the Miss Alaska pajunt in 1984, but, one hopes, the Wasilla Spelling Bee of 1974 . . .


The Republicans tried to make it rain, but it didn’t.  They tried to make Barack Obama look silly but they couldn’t.  Their only hope was a conjuring trick that used the Law of Averages to make John McCain suddenly 14 years younger – but poor Sarah Palin: the Law of Averages cannot be ignored, even by Republicans, and thus with one press conference she suddenly aged 14 years and became one-half Old Scary White Guy.

The Republicans couldn’t make it rain in Denver, so maybe they figured that they could drop on the Democrats a Flood of voters the likes of which have never been seen in the 6,000-year history of the world, by sacrificing a former Virgin. By picking someone who is ready on Day One thousand, four hundred sixty. By picking someone who on her best day received fewer votes than Maria Rivas Hamar received in her third-place finish in the 2006 race for judge of L.A. County’s Superior Court, seat no. 144.

The Republicans figured they had created an upside-down reverse mirror image of of the Democratic ticket, but what they got in reality is Abe Simpson Meets Shirley Temple – and little Shirley’s been left pushing Abe in the wheelchair around the rest home.

And – yikes – some people think she’s “America’s Margaret Thatcher.” Might want to rethink that, being up there onstage next to John McCain and all. Just sayin’.

The Republican Party has steered right into an iceberg and its fate in this November’s election is sealed. With Sarah Palin, Capt. John McCain thinks he’s plugged the leak. Sarah’s just happy to be here, up on the bridge. My guess is all the other VP contenders, as they felt the icy water sloshing around their ankles and rising up their legs, suddenly remembered that they had something else to do, and backed away slowly – or turned and ran. But not poor Sarah Palin.

And maybe that was the ultimate measure of the Republicans’ potential vice presidential nominees in this 2008 election year that is destined to go down as the Most Awful in Republican history:

You had to be dumber than John McCain to be his running mate.

And that, my friends, is no small achievement.

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  1. Heh – here’s what McCain said about the selection of Dan Quayle as George H.W. Bush’s VP running mate in 1988:

    I can’t believe a guy that handsome wouldn’t have some impact.

    – and, yes, the Republicans are actually holding their convention at the Xcel Energy Center. Because we weren’t 100% certain that the Republican Party is in the pocket of the energy industry.

  2. …we underestimate this person to our great peril.  Seriously.

    And keep this in mind: John McCain doesn’t know her at all.  They have met once.  Which makes him crazier than a shithouse rat, yes.  But also makes her a quantity even he hasn’t measured.  Be wary of that.  None of us have any real idea of what this woman can or can’t do.

    • kj on August 30, 2008 at 17:19

    the only one around who thinks McCain deliberately threw the game?

  3. for her, it’s a win-win situation.  If, somehow, the Repugs win, she’s VP.  If they lose, she gets to blame McCain and Bush, and she’s this year’s John Edwards or Joe Lieberman (not that anyone would want to be either of them) and has an up for 2012 or 2016.

    Not too bad for the lightweight she’s supposed to be.

  4. A little insight into Gov. Sarah Baracuda & her “issues”.

    Gov. Baracuda Disses Hillary: (& Ms. Baracuda’s exact quote:

    “…Palin talked about what women expect from women leaders; how she took charge in Alaska during a political scandal that threatened to unseat the state’s entire Republican power structure, and her feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton. (She said she felt kind of bad she couldn’t support a woman, but she didn’t like Clinton’s “whining….”)

    “…She does herself a disservice to even mention it really. You’ve got to plow through that. You’ve got to know what you’re getting into.”

    “…She says “any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism…I think, man, that doesn’t do us any good, women in politics, women in general, wanting to progress this country…”

    Like her new BFF, McCain, Ms. Congeniality is happy to laugh along when hate talkers call female political opponents “a B*@ch”:  

    “…The governor’s appearance on KWHL’s “The Bob and Mark Show” last week is plain and simple one of the most unprofessional, childish and inexcusable performances I’ve ever seen from a politician. […]”

    Early on in the conversation before Palin started to crack up, Lester referred to Sen. Green as a jealous woman and a cancer.[…]

    “…Lester questioned Green’s motherhood, asking Palin if the senator cares about her own kids. Palin laughs…”

    “…Then Lester clearly sets the stage for what he is about to say by warning his large audience and Palin. He says, “Governor you can’t say this but I will, Lyda Green is a cancer and a b—-.” Palin laughs for the second time…”

    So, I don’t think I can even muster a few crocodile tears if Palin gets some karmatic repayment for her offenses–I just would feel that she’ll be reaping what she’s been sowing for years.  

  5. no doubt they made her one.  It is too bad – she seems pretty level headed.  “They” likely view her as easy to control – no doubt “they” are behind McCain’s transformation from campaign finance reform champion to neocon chump, and have ways of controlling everyone, especially the ambitious.

    What “they” don’t seem to realize is that their base is very patriarch-oriented.  They want a leader that can be described by all the masculine adjectives – “tough”, “strong”, etc… many Republican women are of the “my husband makes all the financial decisions” or “my parents vote Republican” sort.  

    This VP choice is very good for us.

  6. Photobucket

  7. Here’s Cafferty’s comment & some of the 11,000 e-mail comments re: Palin.


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