Obama Modifies ‘Yes We Can’ Message To Exclude Area Loser

Obama tells supporters he still believes in an America where anything
is possible, once we ditch that good-for-nothing Nate.

‘Yes We Can, Except Nate Walsh,’ Obama Says

COLUMBIA, SC – In a nationally televised speech Friday, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama altered his vision of a unified America to exclude Dayton, OH loser Nate Walsh.

According to Obama, the 32-year-old Walsh, who has lived with his parents intermittently since receiving his associate’s degree in 2001 and still does not have a credit card in his own name, no longer figures into the senator’s long-term plan of rallying Americans from all walks of life around a common, higher purpose.

“People of South Carolina, people of the world, this is our time, this is our moment,” Obama said before 72,000 supporters at the University of South Carolina’s Williams-Brice Stadium. “That is, unless you live in apartment 3L at 1254 Holden St., you watched Money Train on TBS last night at 3 a.m., and your name is Nate Walsh.”

“I have always said that the change we seek will not come easy, that it will not come without its share of sacrifice and struggle,” Obama continued. “And the last thing we need is dead weight like Nate Walsh adding another 20 or 30 years to the process.”

The speech, entitled “A More Perfect Union Minus Nate Walsh,” was 26 minutes long and contained the words “change” 12 times, “hope” 16 times, and “Nate,” in conjunction with the phrase “with the exception of,” 34 times.

Although Obama remained vague on issues such as health care and foreign policy, the Illinois senator was praised for finally publicly addressing the issue of Nate Walsh. Obama took a hard-line stance on Walsh, calling the part-time driving-range employee the lone aspect of America he doesn’t believe in, a citizen who can languish in the past for all he cares, and “on top of everything else, kind of a jerk.”

“When I began this campaign, my mission was to help this nation share my vision for one America-not a black America, or a white America, or a Latino or Asian America,” Obama said. “But now what I see, what I envision, is a Nate-free America. And once we get rid of that guy, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. Nothing we can’t achieve.”

According to campaign strategist David Axelrod, Walsh’s failure to remember his mother’s birthday five years in a row, along with the fact that for the entire month of July he washed his hair with a bar of soap because he was too lazy to purchase shampoo, are examples of the kind of hopelessness Obama is trying to avoid.

“I am reminded of an instance early last year when Nate told his sister, Elizabeth, that he was going to start going to the gym three times a week after work,” Obama said. “I was rooting for Nate. I thought that this time things would be different. That this time Nate would be capable of change. But it was just like 1997, 1999, 2000, and 2002 all over again. He went to the gym twice and quit.”

“What a loser,” Obama added.

In the hours following the speech, members of the McCain camp scrambled to respond to Obama’s views on Walsh. In a statement last night, McCain applauded Obama’s position on the loser, but criticized him for not offering any real solutions to the Nate Walsh problem. McCain went on to promise that, if elected, he would rid the world of Walsh within his first 48 hours in office without raising taxes.

Perhaps the most stirring moment of Obama’s speech came at its conclusion, when he reasserted his call for change on the part of everyone except Walsh, whom he urged to just change the channel to the Golden Girls marathon on Lifetime like he knows he wants to.

“People of America, not Nate, we have the ability to heal this nation,” Obama said. “Yes we can, Nate excluded, seize our future. Yes we can, with the exception of Nate and his stupid cargo shorts that he never washes, turn the page to a new tomorrow. I am confident that where we-and by ‘we’ I mean everyone but Nate-are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can’t, we-again, not Nate-will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in six simple words: Yes we can, except Nate Walsh.”

Added Obama: “God bless the people of South Carolina, God bless America, and fuck you, Nate.”


Skip to comment form

    • Edger on August 29, 2008 at 3:21 pm

  1. …I really couldn’t read this tonight-tomorning!.  I, along with several of us, have been up way too much tonight.

    I am contemplating, contemplating!  — the words (of Barack) are righteous-inspiring. But we still have doubts. We still cannot really trust.  Too many betrayals!  Too many grand words?

    Yet, somehow, sometime, somewhere those words, those ideals must and will resonate into reality.  Is this that “sometime”?

    Continuing my contemplation, I will read your diary words in the tomorrow tomorning when I am no longer sleep deprived by participating pehaps too much in this hisoric moment.

  2. …didn’t mean to stay up this late, but, well…

    What you write of here, the behavior of Nate and of Barack’s opinions on that behavior, is exceedingly disconcerting.  

    As a daughter of a flagrant alcoholic father who was as blatantly “a loser” as Nate, and who lived off his wife and parents-in-law, I am as dismayed right now as I was as a 16 year old.  

    I know there are many, many sides to Nate’s story.  I also know that such wholesale condemnation as depicted here engaged in by Obama is, flatly, wrong.    

  3. by Barack to the degree that he took it.  I might understand using such an example without the use of a person’s name, address, etc. in order to make a point.  But to set up a real, live person with name, address, etc. to point up as an example is just plain wrong period.

    I think we all know of these types.  I think our society will always have a percentage of them for whatever reasons that create their condition.

    I cannot imagine that Barack would use this language at all and I truly wonder as to the validity of it:  

    “God bless the people of South Carolina, God bless America, and fuck you, Nate.”

  4. I swear I saw Nate Walsh on stage doing roady work for Willie Nelson last night in Redmond Washington. Walsh looked lean and fit, and gasp, with long pants, respectable, particularly for being with Nelson’s crew. Obama better check, he might have even moved out of his mom’s place.

    Is this the kind of administration we can expect from our presumptive President? A staff that is operating on unsubstantiated information, perhaps outright lies?

    It really is true, there isn’t any difference between the Ds and Rs. Sigh. :~(

Comments have been disabled.