Fiendish Feds Filched my Follicles

I flew United, Milwaukee>Ohare>Austin for the Netroots Nation bloggers convention last week.

Landing, 2 bags out of 66 passengers were not on the carousel, mine and agnostic’s, another raucous Dailykos poster. We were told they’d been mistakenly sent to Scranton, would be delivered to out hotel around midnight. Actually arrived 4:00 the next afternoon, with 2 pieces of tape, one from TSA, and another from Homeland Security. Missing, my hairbrush, and Ms. Agnostic’s scarf.

As I connect the dots, when our dossiers were run, an alert HSA drone noticed empty datafields for our DNA. No longer empty.


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  1. Tip.

  2. Because the airport code for Austin Texas and the airport code for Scranton Pennsylvania are easy to confuse.

    Austin, TX = (AUS)

    Scranton, PA = (AVP)

    Perfectly reasonable explanation, A looks like A, U looks like V, S looks like P. Nothing to see here, move along…

    Perhaps you two should not have shown up wearing tin foil hats, they wouldn’t have known which bags to rifle through.

    Wait – you have hair? Sheesh, I’m old, I don’t travel with combs or brushes or gel of any kind. However, my DNA is falling off everywhere, so no need to steal my personal property, they just have to follow behind me with a roll of masking tape.

    Was that scarf really a scarf, or was it an Islamo-Fascist Hijab? Hmmm?

    Why is my phone clicking?

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