The Bill of Wrongs

Cross posted from my morning Open Thread on WWL this morning.

Finally had time to cross it! Have a grin. (kind of)

I am thinking about the slaughter of the Bill of Rights. Of course, when written it only inferred itself to rich white men anyway; now it blatantly applies to rich white men.

(Hat tip to Mentarch for sending me off on this tangent a couple times this week!!)

Being in a snarkilicious mood, lets examine these shall we? I’m dying to see what I come up with, and dying to see if you can find a better, more humorous way to re-define them in the comments.    

  * First Amendment – Establishment Clause, Free Exercise Clause; freedom of speech, of the press, and of assembly; right to petition

   Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Congress shall make no law impugning or restricting Christianity, the religion of * Rich White Men, (* RWM, furthermore) its think-tanks and its agendas, or abridge the press from furthering this agenda. Any assembly or speech opposing RWM’s agenda is restricted in the name of National Security or relegated to a cordoned off area wherein the RWM will not be subjected to the oppression of opposing ideas. No petition or lawsuit may be brought against said RWM’s government or their Corporate subsidiaries.

   * Second Amendment – Right to keep and bear arms.

   A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Arms may be held by RWM, their exclusive collectors and hunt clubs, their Private Contractor armies and the US Christian Military.

Any right to bear these arms that has been restricted by * Other Lesser Peoples (* OLP, furthermore) because of weapon-related crime will be overturned by the RWM’s stacked courts. It will keep the OLP busy with eachother and cull the herd of OLP.

   * Third Amendment – Protection from quartering of troops.

   No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

No soldier shall be quartered in any US Continental home, for that is what occupation of * Other Lesser Nations (* OLN, furthermore) is for. However, we reserve the right to make the populace of OLP fund the occupation OLN’s homes and steal their resources while padding the pockets of RWM by both funding and stealing.

   * Fourth Amendment – Protection from unreasonable search and seizure.

   The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

The right of RWM to be secure in their Elitism, Power and Wealth is thus that any germane searches against OLP is warranted without Warrant, including search of persons, houses, papers, and effects, without probable cause and may be seized. OLP are considered potential terrorists at all levels until proven otherwise, but may be held as such without proof at the leisure of RWM.

   * Fifth Amendment – due process, double jeopardy, self-incrimination, eminent domain.

   No person shall be held to answer for any capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

RWM shall not be compelled to testify on any matter pertaining to any offence (sic) that puts in jeopardy the life, liberty or property of OLP. Any OLP who refuse who testify against their interests or themselves are considered to be Terrorist against the RWM, and shall be questioned with extreme prejudice until they confess.

   * Sixth Amendment – Trial by jury and rights of the accused; Confrontation Clause, speedy trial, public trial, right to counsel

   In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.

In all criminal prosecutions against eachother OLP shall enjoy the right to a slow and lengthy trial by a hand picked jury of the Stacked by RWM Court System. In minor cases by the State, OLP have a right to be accused by Officers of the Courts and their Police counterparts, whose testimony is considered to be unquestionably correct and be bogged down in exorbitant legal fees, or be represented by intentionally incompetent Lawyers appointed by the RWM’s State. OLP must fill the RWM’s incarceration business for the RWM’s profits.

These minor rights are rendered moot in cases against RWM, their agenda, or major cases against the RWM’s State, wherein RWM’s security makes utmost secrecy and OLP’s representation a liability.

   * Seventh Amendment – Civil trial by jury.

   In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Wherein all suits may reach millions of dollars, the right to bring a civil suit to trial shall be determined by RWM, and the RWM’s courts retain the right to refuse to hear any re-examination.

   * Eighth Amendment – Prohibition of excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment.

   Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

OLP and OLN shall not determine what is considered cruel, unusual nor excessive. These things are arbitrarily decided by RWM, and the minions who serve at their leisure, and any method that preserves the security of RWM is considered legal.

   * Ninth Amendment – Protection of rights not specifically enumerated in the Bill of Rights.

   The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

The enumeration in the Constitution, was intended to serve the Elite RWM, and shall be construed to deny and disparage any not benefiting RWM. OLP’s rights are given solely at the discretion of RWM.

   * Tenth Amendment – Powers of states and people.

   The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

The powers not delegated to the United States Government of RWM, nor prohibited by it to the State-Level RWM are reserved to the Corporations of RWM, not the OLP who serve them.

The Kleptocracy rules, my dear ones, and we have no protections against it.

We are Outer Party and Proles.

And our reality makes Oceania look benign.


    • Diane G on June 27, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    I bet you could come up with a better version.

    It started as funny while I was writing it off the cuff with my morning joe, but damn, if it didn’t piss me off by the time I was finished.  

    • Diane G on June 28, 2008 at 4:59 am

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