High Fuel Costs = Desperate Airlines

As aviation fuel prices continue to rise several air carriers have launched crash programs to search for alternatives and cut costs.

There were high hopes for one experimental program in which Jumbos were allowed to graze for their sustenance.

Grazer 2

The experiment started out extremely well and a sense of near euphoria set in as Wall Street began to smell green.

Marketing departments throughout the industry began to prepare ad campains for ‘Free Range Airlines’

Grazer 1

featuring contented 747’s peacefully grazing in pastoral settings.

Grazer 3

However, it didn’t take long before there was trouble.  Once the still hungry members of the experiment’s control group realized that the grass looked greener on the other side of the fence

Envious 1

they broke the protocol, and the fence

Envious 2

to get some for themselves, casting the results of the program into doubt.

Then things began to go from bad to worse as rumors of free fuel began to spread throughout the starving air fleet.

Some tried fishing


which caused considerable consternation, but the worst was yet to come.

The fecal matter really hit the propeller when one rogue plane turned toward easier prey.


Faced with spreading panic and a PR nightmare of epic proportions the program was terminated (over the protests of Wall Street), all records were shredded and the personnel involved were shipped off to Gitmo or rendered to unnamed allied countries.

To recover their losses the airlines instituted baggage fees and reduced the size of the portions of peanuts served as in flight meals by half.

Special thanks to Mothers Against Feeding Children to Airplanes For Fuel for their assistance in compiling this report.  Please enjoy today’s in-flight movie – Jaws.


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    • 3card on May 29, 2008 at 12:38

    …will be donated to MAFCAFF.

    Next time:  Starving ships attempt to dig their own coal.


    btw: Amazingly enough there were no fatalities in any of the crashes pictured in this essay.

  1. but there may be some bias here, no? you’re a boat guy, afterall!

  2. and i vehemently protest your ‘lame’ tag…

    thanks for the laugh this morning

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