writing in the raw: poetry and dreaming

( – promoted by pfiore8)


frantically felt for my throat….breathing sigh of relief



I put my head down and closed my eyes

everything was real quite and clear

I ran over to him

it was warm and clear

thousands of stars




and broken

pathetic and hurt

met you at the 24 hour grocery store

couldn’t afford the food

I remember

you forgot

empty boy

get out of my life

coddling my heart

vulnerable in love

scared in death

now you stop to get your game

conveniently left behind

I can see you[‘re breaking] too

I kiss you good bye out of habit this time

next time I’ll be stronger

it’s lonely without you here

collapsing slowly

all around me

I’m so scared

dreaming my teeth fell out

I’m falling

I’m drowning

there’s a house on the hill

blue pickup down the road

pink sky

leafless trees line the way

my friend

sunlight in her hair

smiles at me

grasping what little ledge is left

gasping ‘please don’t let me fall’

he gripped my arm in his sleep

I didn’t wake him

I watched him fall instead


Lay quietly on the summer time bed.  I twiddled your hair between my fingers while you traced out pictures on my skin.  Writing me vulgar silly songs.  I should have stayed.  But I’m a fool.  I can’t even remember the last time I was happy with you.  And now I see you, and your eyes look pained and nervous.  I didn’t do more harm than good though.  Floating, swimming.  Take my hand just don’t let go.


lay in bed and wait

reading paper

says to me I’m ok if you die

it’s how it all plays out


endless drifting

hesitant breathing

slight touch

waking, but barely

night is long

but only lately

smile when I closed my eyes

it all made sense

not so much anymore

intertwine your hand in mine

locked in shape

our bodies wait for moments grace

this too shall pass

running, blurring, faster, slowly

it’s all the same you know

up and down

fast and slow

it’s just the future

or the past? (or was it the past?)

it’s all the same

I feel you breathing

skin sensing the anticipation

where were you?  where was I?

drifting to the void she said

drifting the void I guess.



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  1. dreams = [(d/dx)poetry + sin(x)]

    • pfiore8 on April 18, 2008 at 4:24 am

    you don’t really write poetry, huh?

    i love it, VC. all of it. the sound. the sway. the sense. the sentiment.

    twiddled your hair… summer time bed… and absolutely love the image in my head from your last line::: drifting the void

    your equation is as spectacular as the poem. v.v.v. clever.

    bravo, my young and brave friend.

  2. speechless!

    You’ve got guts, there’s no getting around it!  ;-}

    • RiaD on April 18, 2008 at 4:34 am

    O my dearling!

    what images you evoke…

    i can’t pick out which bit i like best…

    the whole thing just blows me away

    because i’ve been there too

    drifting the void

    wondering wtf am i doing here…

    wouldn’t elsewhere be better

    drifting the void….

    makes a perfect definition of that space/time

  3. Thank you Victory Coffee, you are upholding the finest traditions of WITR.

    This was kind of hard to take though . . .

    he gripped my arm in his sleep

    I didn’t wake him

    I watched him fall instead

    So I have a couple of questions:

    1.  How long did he fall?

    2.  Did he deserve to fall?

  4. thank you for sharing….major snaps!!

  5. of young love. v.v.v nice VC! You captured this perfectly.   I’m almost cringing at the memory of my own lost loves.  But those relationships made me stronger & I ended up with my soul mate after all.  Our 10th wedding anniversary is coming soon – 04/26.

    • H2D on April 18, 2008 at 7:56 am

    Thanks for sharing it, VC…

    Things sting just a littlebitless as each day passes though, eh?  But I still have occasional dreams about “The One that I pushed got away”, even though that was over a decade ago.  And those dreams have actually increased lately for some reason; which is even more strange, because I usually hardly ever remember any of my dreams…

    But we’re really stupid when we’re 20-ish, right?  I know I was…

    I’ve always done things the hard way.  But the lessons stick with me, I learn new ones all the time…

    My own failures in this area are massive and epic, and would make a great book I think.




    In other news –

    I put my head down and closed my eyes

    Yeah, so did I.  At about 7:30 this evening…

    I meant to just ‘rest my eyes’ for a bit, since I haven’t been able to sleep much this week.  I ended up falling asleep for over two hours, instead…

    I used to make fun of my mother when she did that, and then she’d deny that she fell asleep for those three or four hours that she was in fact sleeping.  Now, I caught myself just doing that.  Phone rang about 10 minutes after I got up, I answered it –

    Voice on phone – “Were you sleeping?”

    Me – “No.”

    OMG, I just turned into my mother.  I am soooo getting old…

    • OPOL on April 18, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you for posting your poetry.  That takes courage.

    But perhaps not when your poetry is as lovely as this.  🙂

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