“These are not the blacks you’re looking for.”

Um, I’m sorry. There seems to be some kind of mistake.

When we talked about being open to having… what do you call them… “African-Americans” in leadership positions we were talking about the OTHER KIND.

The “ain’t no big thang” kind.

You know… happy black folk!

‘Cause we’re not so interested in the we-were-dragged-here-to-pick-your-underwear, had-to-fight-tooth-and-nail-not-to-come-with-a-bar-code-on our asses, had-to-brave-being-hung-like-laundry-and-stripped-of-our-flesh-by-water-hoses-just-to-get-vote, we’re-still-not-thrilled-to-see-you-dating-our-daughters, most-likely-to-be-accused-of-stealing-that-Honda, left-to-suck-dirt-and-water-during-that-inconvenient-hurricane-black-people.

See, there are facts associated with all the above that we’re just not ready to deal with.

In addition, we’d like to avoid anyone with the SUPPORT of the get-paid-less-than-everyone-else, can’t-drive-in-the-suburbs-without-getting-the-full-police-cruiser-with-the-flashing-lights-in-the-rear-view-mirror-treatment, won’t-be-seen-on-network-television-after-nine-pm, do-those-people-swim-anyway? black people, because they say some things about us that we also say about them… say openly in coffee shops and across dinner tables and on radio programs broadcast over public airwaves, but their saying them about us feels icky and so… not so much.

And one other thing, while we’re totally “down” with appropriating the language of… reveling in the athletic achievement of… stealing the cultural elements of music and dance from… locked-up-more-than-any-other-color-of-people, three-time-more-likely-to-be-given-the-death-sentence, one-third-less-likely-to-get-the-apartment-rented-to-them black people, but we insist that when they vote for OTHER like-pigmented folk its “tribalism” whereas when we elect forty-three white-as-three-hole-punch Presidents… its reasoned political practice.

Big apologies if there was any confusion ’bout that.


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  1. More like him, see.

  2. Love,

    Wolf Blitzer.

  3. I wish I’d said that.

    Thanks Jeffrey!!!

  4. which is in the back of the bus.

    I will never forgive Hillary Clinton for ruining the postracial campaign for her own personal ambitions.

  5. are concerned about this kind of black people.  This kind of white people isn’t concerned about that kind of black people, it’s just that some of the other kind of white people and a few of the other kind of black people are concerned about the other kinds of black and white people.  But you knew this already.

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