Order was finally restored this morning when President George W. Bush was issued a sippy cup. Last night, in what is being referred to as the “Grape Juice Incident”, President Bush lost his big boy glass privileges after spilling his nighty-night drink all over the Oval Office carpet.
“No matter where my Georgie goes,” said his bemused wife Laura, “he is sure to leave a mess. You should see the havoc he cases when we traveling overseas. After George leaves, I always get calls that the place looks like a hurricane went through.”
Others did not find the situation so funny. One anonymous source says this is the biggest fiasco since the infamous “CookieGate”, where President Bush was busted stashing two chocolate chip cookies under his pillow.
“Look, I am the decider, and I decided to put juice on my family with this here cup,” President Bush said in a hastily called press conference concerning his downgrade in glassware. “I promise you I will listen to what has been said about my cup, even though I wasn’t here. I’m the commander of my sippy cup – see, I don’t need to explain – I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.”
“This big boy glass stuff is a little frustrating,” he continued, sipping his afternoon milk with the safety top securely screwed on. “I’m the master of low expectations.”
There is no word when Bush will be granted big boy glass privileges again. Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten suggested that Administration will withdraw the sippy cup when Bush learns to “not destroy every single **expletive** thing he touches.”