Feeling Vaginadequate

I’m not usually one to jump all over the news story of the day, much less the sex scandal of the day…evidenced by the fact that it’s been a full 2 weeks since the story broke…

And I have to admit, I haven’t followed the Eliot Spitzer story very closely.  Until just a couple of days ago, I’d have to say I didn’t really much care who the governor had sex with, for how much money, over which state lines, etc.  

I probably still wouldn’t care, if I hadn’t recently been clued in to the fact that Ashley Dupre, the woman who had said sex, took said money, and crossed said state lines, has a ‘magic vagina’, which has been called the prettiest vagina in New York.  And, no, the link isn’t to a picture of her vagina, nor have I seen any.  However, this picture attempts to show us the various ‘features’ which could, possibly, make a vagina worth $5000. a night.  Yep, that’s just a rental.  You don’t even get to keep it.  

And since I heard that the ‘prettiest vagina in New York’ had been located, and its value assessed, I checked off those particular tasks on my ‘to do’ list and began contemplating a new meaning for my life.  But what could I hope to accomplish, really, with such an unaccomplished, unappreciated, underpaid vagina? Perhaps I could try to improve it with the use of these products (https://yonieggs.co/blogs/news/types-of-crystals), which would likely help, but what would that do for me?

Never once has my vagina shown magical potential.  I’ve taken it across state lines many times in my life…in cars, on trains, in airplanes…even on foot..and the event has never garnered even the slightest media attention.  It hasn’t (as of this writing) been responsible for ending any careers, or even for starting any.  And it certainly hasn’t been entertaining prominent politicians.      

Sure, when I give it a job to do, that job is done in a timely, efficient manner.  It works independently, gets along well with others, and has maintained a respectable attendance record.  There’s just no ambition there;  my vagina seems perfectly content to do just enough to get by.

I’ve had to face the hard, cold fact that my vagina is a slacker.    

Is the Pony/Pie/Hide rating system too cutsie?

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44 comments

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  1. I fought the urge to tag this as an ‘action’ essay…. 😉

  2. …I’ve gone to great trouble for mine.  And it’s both started and ended careers :}  It’s tried to avoid media attention, however.  

    • pfiore8 on March 25, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    I’ve taken it across state lines many times in my life…in cars, on trains, in airplanes…even on foot.

    i love laughing first thing in the morning…

    good to see you on the essay list!!! and sorry i missed you…

  3. http://lvratlanta.reachlocal.c

    • pfiore8 on March 25, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    must be, right?

    like 73rd’s pirate day. but not sure about vagina speak. you know, like pirates say matey and ahoy and shiver me timbers…

    what would a vagina say? but then, i’ve never spoken to one.

  4. And especially coming from a virgin, such as yourself! So it seems that some of us might be sitting on our most attractive … um, aspects???  

    • OPOL on March 26, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    contact me for further information.  😛

  5. a magic vagina against catastrophic loss?

    That’s what I want to know…

  6. the prettiest vagina in New York

    After all, it’s what’s inside that really counts.

    • Turkana on March 27, 2008 at 7:06 am

    i didn’t like. but there are many i’m probably glad to have never met.

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