Don’t ask don’t tell came to visit my house on Sunday. It hasn’t been a huge issue for me. I didn’t see where people were being hurt and we know people in the Army who are gay and we just don’t talk about it and they don’t share their lives with us but as Armando pointed out not long ago where racism and America intersects, the status quo of silence is not going to be able to stand the test of time.
On Sunday I was hurt by don’t ask don’t tell. I was hurt in the motherhood part of my soul and that’s my most tender part. We live close to a gay military relationship but I’m not going to give details because people could be hurt. Funny thing is that the person I’m most exposed to in the gay relationship that lives close to us doesn’t like me and I don’t like her. Our personalities just clash. I respect her humanity though and her personhood and would never desire to harm her so I’m going to be mostly silent here as I am in my real life and only speak about my exposure to her life in ways that make my point and leave her and her family safe.
I have only been a military family member for 11 years. My daughter is 18 now, but she spent her first 7 years completely civilian and being the mother that I am she grew up getting some on her. I just don’t know how to live a healthy life without getting some on you and the gay people that I worked with were always able to share their lives with me. My daughter had them interwoven into the fabric of her life. She’s comfortable with people in general and my mother’s heart is warm and happy witnessing her making her way around her world now. She’s good at it!
My son was watching a Christmas movie on Showtime with me on Sunday. After it was over previews for a Showtime series called The “L” Word came on. The preview is little racier and sexually charged than I would like for him to take in at his age but it came on quicker than I was. My son was extremely puzzled by the preview and he asked me what that show was about. I told him it was about women loving women and then he told very clearly, “that’s wrong”.
I felt my breath get caught in my chest. I felt very confused. I rose from the bed and went into the bathroom to think for a minute and then I came out and I told him that sweetheart, it isn’t wrong it is only somewhat different to the way our family does things. He remained laying in my bed watching cartoons while I went and sat in the livingroom in the dark with tears in my eyes searching my heart and soul trying to figure out how this happened to my child and he’s only eight years old soon and he himself is very different from what is considered the basic human “norm”. He lives in a very sanitized environment where gender and preference is concerned…….just about as sanitized as it gets and my own child is growing up ignorant. And sharing reality with him possibly puts certain people in our lives in danger! In our silence and sanitization the only message getting through to him is “WRONG”!