Tag: American Cybercast

Self Loathing Lurks In Strange Places: A very personal essay

If you have ever painted your own house or even a single room than you know that just the act of painting can free up the mind to wander. It’s pretty therapeutic actually. While the hands stay highly focused, guided by the eyes, the mind is free to go off in whatever direction it chooses. At least that has been my experience.  To my surprise I was visited by a part of myself – a very ugly part of myself – while painting. Like a cascading waterfall – images from a past chapter of my life- a time I am not proud of came back to me like a slide show. While painting my mind had started wandering and thinking about by distain for Hillary and just like that I realized that although some of my distain for her is reality based and a reaction to her actions, much much more is that she reminds me of a me I once was and never want to be again…. a me I tried to bury and forget and in the process stopped being a whole person