Tag: uniparty mechanics

The Story of O

Hunter’s been busy quietly leaking diary entries of Mitt Romney in The Chronicles of Mitt, so I thought it only fair to leak at least one pre-election entry from Barack Obama’s diary, as follows:

Dear Human Diary,

It is I, Barack Obama, a blank tablet, like you, only your better.  It’s been an uneventful campaign against the robo-lugal who can barely veil his contempt for humans due to his defective cloaking mechanism.  I guess I am blessed in that way.  My cryptic predatory abilities are virtually unmatched, like an angler fish, only I am much prettier on the outside.  Prettier than Ali, really, and my phantom punch can take out an entire block of Sonny Listons.  And their funeral parties.  The only person who even comes close to me in predatory crypsis is Chief Justice John Roberts who has a worthy “lie-in-wait” game,  camouflaged in the uprightness of umpire gear, feigning his so-called “balls and strikes” surrounded by his 1950’s attired family accoutrements, before suddenly finding himself officiating the football game two stadiums away.  While that’s impressive, can he exhume corpses from the 1960’s and reanimate them in fiery cadences that make the humans cry as I did in 2008?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.