12,000 babies are born each day in the United States. Strangers in a strange land, they get weighed, finger-printed, and are sent on their way with a bottle and a blanket and a bunch of balloons.
Good luck, little travelers. You’ll need it . . .
If you show any sign of life when you’re young, they’ll put you on Ritalin. Then, when you get old enough to take a good look around, you’ll get depressed, so they’ll give you Prozac. Meanwhile, your steady diet of trans-fat-laden food is guaranteed to give you high cholesterol, so you’ll get a prescription for Lipitor. Finally, at the end of the day, you’ll lay awake at night worrying about losing your health plan, so you’ll need Lunesta to go to sleep.
They’ll tell you prescription drugs are just fine, but they’ll warn you about marijuana and restrict your access to mind-altering substances like the truth. They’ll tell you all about the dangers of illegal drugs, but for some reason, they always forget to warn you about the most potent, destructive drug of all.