This is a rare piece, juxtaposed betwixt my regular pieces. OK, now I got your attention! I am sorry for the subterfuge. However, this is actually a more important piece that the title indicates. Unless you fall into one of the ten categories, there is NO reason to vote for a Republican.
I usually do not use satire in my pieces, except for small snippets, but this idea sort of screams hyperbole. I hope that this makes people think. If it does, I succeeded. If not, I failed. You tell me in the comments.
The first five reasons are from propaganda. The last five are from my own personal wishes.
#10: I shall vote Republican next time because I am a white male. It does not matter if they are otherwise against me, but since I am a white male, and they say that they are for white males, I am for them too! Lies matter not to me. I am a white male.
#9: I shall vote Republican next time because I do not belong to any union. I have been told that unions are evil, and of course I believe it since Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity said so.
#8: I shall vote Republican because the President is not a United States citizen. I have been told that from the Tea Party, the conservative talkers, and Michelle Bachman. If they say it, I know those truths to be self evident.
#7: I shall vote Republican because I think that the deficit and the National debt is the most pressing problem that we face. Even though that I am living off of retirement savings, jobs for Americans are a secondary issue.
#6: I shall vote Republican because I think that tax breaks for large corporations, making billions of dollars, stimulate job creation. It worked well under G. W. Bush, as I am told by the Fox “News” Network.
Now to reasons that would make me vote for the Republicans. Unfortunately, those are all contrary to reality, but if I were in those situations, I might just vote that way.
#5: I would vote Republican because my Daddy died and left me $50 million. I do not want to give a cent of it to the Treasury! Let the little people pay.
#4: I would vote Republican because I am the head of a large corporation that pays no tax after my attorneys get done looking at the dodges. Hell, some of us even get a REBATE when the loopholes are properly exploited! And having my highest marginal bracket so low is not bad, either! Back when Eisenhower was President I would have been taxed at over 80%! Thank God for the New Republicans!
#3: I would vote Republican because I run a huge defense contractor corporation. Not only is it a LEGAL PERSON because of the recent Republican Supreme Court decision, I get lots and lots of money for my fatcat shareholders, and they in turn vote to give me a sinfully large salary and bonus, every year! I LOVE the current tax code, and give some to what to me is pocket change to the Republicans who keep me in power. Money is GOOD!
#2: I would vote Republican because they might give me a cushy job as a political appointtee, and since I have no real skills otherwise, that would be cool! A cushy job and low tax rate rules!
#1: I would vote Republican because I am a hedge fund trader, and not only do I not draw a salary (so no FICA nor Medicare withholding, although I will be eligible for them), I pay only 15% on my income! You idiots working for wages and salaries pay over 15% on FICA and Medicare, and then up to over 30% in income tax! Fools! Let us say that I had a bad year, and you had a really good one. The income is $10 million.
For me, I pay NOTHING in FICA and Medicare! Even if I had to pay both parts, which I do not, since I have no earned income, it gets better for me! Let us do the numbers!
Out of the $10 million, I pay only 15%! That comes to $1.5 million, so I walk away with $8.5 million! You jerks pay around 30% give or take, plus FICA at 7.2% (on your first $106,000) and Medicare at 1.2% on all of it! Fools! Now let us run these numbers for the same $10 million.
Your FICA comes to $7632, and your Medicare to $12,000. Now, let us assume that your top tax bracket is 30%, so you pay another $3 million! Let us add it all together:
$10 million, minus the $7632, minus the $12,000, minus the $3 million. I walk away with $8.5 million, and you keep $6.98 million! What a deal for me!
That is why I will always vote for a Republican!
Now that this is sort of realistic, you all know that I would NEVER vote for a Republican! These numbers are not fudged, and they are actually a bit more forgiving to the Republicans that the real ones are.
Oh, I did not mention factors that might have included if I might have been old, ill, disabled, or a combination of these factors, and even possibly even more. Unless you are in the ten (there might be more) situations that I just pointed out, you would be NUTS to vote Republican. Let me ask you this, as the vast lower and middle class: How do these Republican ideals help you? I thought so. NOTHING.
Please do not judge me too harshly about a very rare political post. I rarely do them, preferring other topics since the others here do much better jobs on politics. Muse just happened to awaken me, and she said, “Write about this, or I will NEVER visit you again!”
Doc, aka Dr. David W. Smith