Monkeys of Jagrazed Pluionis 3

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

Bzelriad, you heard about the species we encountered on the third planet of Jagrazed Pluionis 3?

Yes, yes, the monkeys on the outer rim of the Saggitarius Arm.  What about them?

Well, we have been awaiting their entry into the Galactic Catalog of Civilizations for 500 zortys, but I just recently came from there, when they went silent.  And I saw what happened.

Who cares?  They’re MONKEYS.  We encounter four legged beasties with manipulative appendages all the time.  And in all cases, they operate the same.  And, when they reach the point of something other than bashing each others’ heads in with a rock, invariably a few hundred, thousand, or million zortys later, they use a bigger rock that explodes in their faces.  Monkeys are surly and unpredictable and ultimately blow themselves up, while laughing all the way.  You know this.  And you also know they’re very, very dangerous to be around, because the particular biomorph lends itself to sufaziality — at least, when carbon based.

Yes, yes, and these monkeys are no different.  But, what is interesting, in an exobiological sense, is these particular monkeys went so far, while fantasizing away their sufaziality.  You see, on this world, the monkeys evolved with similar, but less developed monkeys, who they decided to differentiate themselves as DIFFERENT, or more evolved, based on fantastical concepts which essentially denied their basic meatness.  You see, YOU say they are monkeys and that monkeys operate similarly, but they had the example of different, but slightly less developed monkeys.  But, though these similar monkeys had similar behavior patterns, THESE monkeys managed to rationalize away the similarities they had in their behavior, their basic sufaziality, with their less developed cousins.  Despite this, they managed to achieve an astonishing level of technological sophistication and they almost managed to become a threat.

Interesting.  How so?


Well, you know monkeys.  Sufazial.  Easily frightened.  They’ll touch you, then when you make a zerfactan noise, they draw back.  You think you are safe.  But monkeys are aggressive collectivist and paradoxically individualist tinkerers.  They form UNIONS of monkeys.  Soon, they’ll come back with 5 monkeys.  And you throw an object at them, and they’ll run away, hooting or screeching or whatever sound their particular sound producing apparatus makes.  Again, you think you are safe, but then they come back a couple of hundred zortys later with a thousand monkeys, and the new monkeys are throwing rocks.  Then you decide you are genuinely threatened, and you shoot one of them or freak them out by turning one into a zlotyl.  Again, they run away.  And then, a few hundred thousand zortys later, they come back at you with ten million monkeys, with missiles and zortanian fusion weapons.  So, you decide the planet is lost to the monkeys, and you leave.  It is the way of encountering the quadraform single headed multidigeted carbon based bioforms we call monkeys in all systems.  But, still, they tinker.  They cannot help themselves.  They tinker and giggle, and though a few hundred, thousand, million or billion of them are lost to one experiment, still they tinker.  And giggle.  And destroy themselves.  And sooner or later, they tinker and kill and giggle and play enough, and there is a BIG BOOM.  And the planet is once again free of monkeys.  We find it funny.  But at the same time, very, very disconcerting.

Sigh.  Must you be so academic?  We already know the definition of sufalizality.  Murderous witch demon imps with a sense of humor like the korkods of nemitode, yadda yadda yadda.  I fall asleep at your diatribe, system reporter.

Yes, but THESE monkeys, unlike the other systems we have encountered, had, on the same planet, other, lesser monkeys.  There was one other system like this, as you recall, Kalnaniathza Seven, where the more advanced monkeys had the advantage of being able to observe the behavior of the less advanced monkeys, and in so doing, managed to learn the negative example and change themselves to become zorfonies, and so get into the Galactic Systems Catalog as a long term sapient species–member of the club.

Yes, but that is the sole example, system observer.  What is your point?

Well, there are a few points — but the main thrust is we should not be so trusting of carbon based monkeyforms and their self-problem-solving sufaziality in the future.  What these monkeys managed to do, is to IMAGINE that they were not bound in any way to their nature as corporeal beings at all, but were instead supplicants and successors to a vast universal and non-corporeal intelligence, and that, so being, they could completely ignore the sufaziality of their lesser monkey brethren and their resemblance thereof.

When the relevant monkeys became more skilled and knowledgeable in terms of manipulating objects, based on the constants of their world and the pain and suffering they experienced — Jagrazed being a somewhat unpleasant, small, low gravity, murderously hostile world — in order to survive, they began to have DELUSIONS.  These DELUSIONS, in turn, led to their ability to ignore factors on their miserable planet that would otherwise lead to their extinction.  This ignorance, this desire to DISREGARD, oddly led a few of them to survive — since those who have delusions and refuse to give in, occasionally beat the odds.

The weird thing is, on this planet they developed this thing they called transcendance.

What a bizarre word!  You mean, as if they evolved?  Or converted themselves into zorfonies?

No, no.  Towards the end, they had the means to force-evolve, but they called any suggestion to do this this “immoral” — even with knowledge and in preference to their own long term survival!  To understand what this new word, “immoral” means, you have to understand the means by which the Jagrazed monkeys both ignored the example of the less developed monkeys and also achieved a near-threat status.

They IMAGED themselves as being these beings somehow connected to a higher incorporeal reality, and somehow separate, and apart, and better than, all the corporeal life on their planet.  They called this aspect of cognitive mistake misdevelopment by many names.  Some called it “religion”.  Others of the monkeys called it the “singularity”.  A few called it “spirituality”.  And some, as I said, and possibly the most denominative term was “transcendance”.  The basic idea was that each monkey was not connected to every other monkey, but some kind of higher, different, and non-corporeal reality, or, in the case of certain monekys who held fast to tighter concept of reason, that they could build themselves into being higher beings.

Ha! Monkey fantasies!  We have existed for 10 million zortys!  We will be around to forsee the end of the universe!

Yes, but the monkeys of Jagrazed Pluionis 3 could do this also.  Their tinkering nearly touched the stars — they spent much time, out of their transceniferousness, wondering about higher lifeforms, being lonely, and wondering about US.  They were on the verge of IMAGINING themselves into a true aggressive threat to the Body Galactic.  They were less than FIFTY zortys from developing self-replicating mechaniforms.  And twenty zortys, according to my calculations, from developing SRM’s that could hold a monkey consciousness.

You frighten me, system reporter.  Do you seriously expect me to believe that MONKEYFORMS could do all this out of their primitive meaty imaginings and delusions?!

But, what would happen if they came to US?  They would replicate the monkey psychopattern all over again — but this time in the UNIVERSE where we could not leave them to their own self-obliterating devices!  And there would be no place to escape!  First we would see one or two or a tiny pack of them.  They would run away screaming at our differentness.  A few thousand zortys later, we would see them come back, with thousands of them in korestikal containers, hurling primitive fusion devices at us.  We would be forced to LOOM and destroy a few of them.  We would be forced to dream up ways to be so big and so nasty that the monkiforms would dream about us in their worst lizard brain nightmares.  We would have galactic peace — but it wouldn’t last.

You see, even this would not stop them eventually.  Sooner or later they would come back and this time there would be no stopping them!  Eventually, the galaxy would be filled with monkiforms, our worlds would be no more!  And the monkiforms after 20 generations or so would wonder where we had gone, their memories being so imperfect, and their loneliness would return, wondering how we had left, not realizing they had destroyed us down to the last zlotiform!

But system reporter!  You said they had already destroyed themselves.  How is this not an academic exercize, to frighten nubile zlotiforms in their incubles?  I mean, I am forced to ask now, the manner of their demise?

It was the same one, Honored Galactic Archiver Bzelriad.  Their DELUSIONS.  Their delusions were the result of their astonishing advancement, but also their downfall.  You see, their ability to IMAGINE was the cause of their rapid advancement, a hundred times our own, but in so doing, they forgot one basic thing — that IMAGINING is not EVOLUTION, and that EVOLUTION is not disconnectedness and apartness from WHERE YOU CAME FROM.  In imagining and deluding, they achieved freedom for themselves — but at the cost both of their essential meatness and their connectedness to the ones who could, if they only observed, show them the problems with their psychology, in a simpler form

But, system reporter what is the point?  You said they destroyed themselves.  The denizens of Jagrazed Pluionus 3 eliminated themselves.  It may be a frightening children’s tale, but the potential horror is over.

Oh, yes — but Jagrazed Pluionis 3 still exists.  While the higher monkeys who exterminated themselves are no more, Jagrazed is STILL a planet with many monkeys — it is a MONKEY PLANET.  And, it is the planet itself.  There are still the colonial insects of Jagrazed to worry about ….

I’ve heard enough.  Destroy them all.


  1. as this is something to savor and read. My butts asleep and my life/house/family/business is a freakin mess from neglect, literally so physical reality calls. Thanks for posting this tasty morsel, see you later.  

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