A day in the life of a right-wing blogger

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

Dear diary,

  the first thing I noticed when I stepped out of my home today was the thick layer of smoke from burning American flags. The liberals never take a day off from expressing their hatred of America.

  As I walked to my Dodge pickup I was spotted by my neighbor. She was pointing and laughing at me. “Look kids,” she said to her fourteen, dirty-faced children, “there is someone dumb enough to work for a living rather than collect welfare and buy a new cadillac every year like us.” Then they all started pointing and laughing at me. Some of the kids began throwing dirt clods at me.

  I wanted to say something, but I was already running late for work.

  Getting to work was getting more and more difficult. The tens of thousands of illegal immigrants that came running up my street every day slow traffic down to a crawl. Some of them liked to jump in front of my car in hope that I would run them over. They then could get our free American medical care while collecting Social Security.

 The drive into work is the only time during the day when I can turn on Rush and hear the truth of what is happening to my country. “The libruls, feminazis, and terrorists in this country want to turn us into a communist, islamic, fascist state,” Rush was saying. If anything he was understating it. I wish he would run for president.

 I’ve noticed a lot of black helicopters flying around recently.

 My commute was slower than normal today. Some islamic terrorists were holding a busload of nuns hostage with anthrax bombs unless America adopted sharia law. A bunch of environmentalists formed a protective ring around the terrorists. The Democrat politicians were trying to negotiate with the terrorists how best to cave into their demands.

 Just before I arrived at work, I saw a bunch of liberals were trying to force a young woman to have an abortion against her will on the steps of a church. I stopped the truck, jumped out, and clubbed a couple of liberals. Boy that felt good! But then two ACLU thug lawyers came out of nowhere and started beating me with their briefcases. It was a trap!

  I should have known better. The ACLU had recently forced that church to become yet another homosexual, bondage club. I barely got out of there alive.

Finally, safe at work. Or so I thought.

It was payday today. After taxes I managed to bring home 18 cents out of my $5,000 check.

That wouldn’t be so bad except 90% of my paycheck goes to welfare.

 One coworker I really like is Jimmy. He just got back from serving two rotations in Iraq. The poor kid. The moment he tells anyone that he was a soldier, liberals start spitting on him. Most days he is covered in spit when he gets to work.

  Me and Jimmy were talking at lunch about how great America was, and wouldn’t it be nice if our president wasn’t Kenyan. It was hard to concentrate because the local homosexuals liked to have sex in front of us, usually on American flags, which they use to wipe themselves off with and then burn.

 Jimmy and I had complained to management about all the homosexuals having sex around work, but our boss explained that the ACLU and the environmentalists had threatened them with legal action if they didn’t allow it.

 Jimmy started to object, but then a liberal spit in his mouth. Poor kid.

 The company I work for is in trouble. Because of government regulations, the company has been forced to bring in Teamster thugs even though we only manufacture American flags. Big Labor is everywhere these days.

  On top of that, the government forced my company to hire a whole bunch of illegal immigrants who don’t speak English. In order to communicate, my company is making us all learn Spanish.

 Leaving work now. I had to put in an extra six hours in order to make up for the work that the illegals aliens and Teamsters didn’t do.

 My commute home was slowed by yet another massive anti-Christian protest. The wiccans, homosexuals, and environmentalists were leading the protest as usual. They are using burning bibles to light their marijuana cigarettes. A small, counter-protest by Christian children was attacked by ACLU lawyer thugs. I saw the homosexuals chasing the children as they ran away.

 I hear on the radio that the terrorist standoff is over. The Democrats have surrendered the country to al-Qaeda. The environmentalists are celebrating.

 As I pull into my driveway, my welfare neighbors are pointing and laughing at me. They had just bought another cadillac today, to go with the three others parked on their lawn.

 They are celebrating the purchase with a barbecue, and are using American flags as fuel.

Safe inside.

Once I’ve turned on my computer I check out the blogs. I am furious! How can people be saying that America isn’t the greatest nation in history?


Skip to comment form

    • gjohnsit on August 8, 2010 at 22:38
    • Edger on August 8, 2010 at 23:42

    Just the thought that finally, finally, somebody unnerstans, brings a tear to this ole boys eye…

    Allahu Akbar

  1. on ma way ta summer bible school when I saw da light.

    The south/rural America is moving into something else perhaps.


    The Alex Jones crowd

    The nobody knows what it is “Tea Party” and or it’s ugly astroturfed money movement/right gatekeepers version of mainstream artificial reality.

  2. The scary thing gjohnsit, it that you are so very close to the truth.

    I’ve decided the next time I hear the word “communist” from people that don’t understand what the word means, I am going to ask when are they closing their police department.

  3. They ain’t stopping with just their new immigration laws.

    Now those socialist teachers and their illegal alien students won’t be able to subvert America: Let’s hear it for Arizona’s new Love American Bill HB 2281–Yes siree,

    no more ethnic education in Arizona schools! Gotta teach the way it’s always been, the good old European and American heroes and villains. The law would’of taken care of them indians too, but the dang federal government has some programs for em, and we gotta let them off the hook. For now; hee hee hee

    Yes Indeed—HB2281–

  4. I was out buying toilet paper today, but there was none because of the fact that the supermarket stores’ shelves are empty because socialism put them all out of business, so I bought an American Flag to wipe myself with.

    I wouldn’t have bought an American Flag, hating America and everything it stands for, but they are out of Bibles, too.  Seems after frightening all the Christians into hiding, they’re becoming a scarce commodity as well.

    Service at the grocery store is terrible since they no longer have plastic bags because the environmentalists outlawed them, but that’s ok, I simply chased a handsome underage bag boy to my car with my purchases in his hands.  

  5. …. you just transcended anything she did for Ronnie Raygun.

    You have slipped the surly bonds of Polident, and touched the Face of Palin.  

  6. OK, I admit it… one of my co-workers brought in a huge wad of peaches from her kid’s tree, and I took a bunch home and made jam out of them. I labeled the jars and am bringing the jam to work today to give away. The admission? Well… I call that co-worker Little Miss Christian (just to myself)…

    I almost labeled the jam “Christian Jam from Christian Peaches, for Christians Only.” I am a bad and snarky atheist…

  7. although as a flag dealer I sell ooodles of U.S. flags none for wiping, burning or degrading.  On the other hand I’ve had customers buy the tri-colour of France to use as cat box liners and Iraq flags for burning.  Hmmm  Oh and our owner is a retired teamster, not that were unionized, no flag or flagpole installer union in the USofA (not a complaint, they take good care of me).  The paranoia you parody is all to real to some of these folks.  Last week I had a guy suggest rounding up all our ‘towel headed brothers’ putting em in the new ‘Aarab’ community center in downtown NYC and gassing em wit Zyklon B  

    Now to go out and find some teabaggers to hound and humiliate.  

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