Sunday Morning Over Easy – Spring Fevah!

Friday afternoon I adopted a puny little Dracaena plant. Like most businesses these days, we have a firm that comes in and “manages” the plants in my restaurant, replacing them as they inevitably get damaged. Fortunately, Gardeners Dream has a huge variety of plants whenever we are in need of replacements. I actually did that as a side job for a while, after my greenhouse days. So, in talking to the plant tech ladies, I told them I would take any plants they were just going to toss out.

Hardly a news worthy event, and yet, it reminded me that I haven’t brought a new plant into this house in years. No money to blow, and nowhere to blow it if I had some. Another sign of the decline is that there are no longer greenhouses in every burg. It used to be you could find tropicals and exotics within a half hour of anywhere you stood. Even Home Depot only has seasonal greenhouses any more for outdoor planting in the summer. Sad. The obvious answer is people just don’t have elective spending money to sustain the industry. The less obvious answer is almost amusing in its technology-backfires-yet again way. Plants die in new houses like this:


One of my friends bought a McMansion on the golf course nearby, and spent a huge amount of money to have his entry way atrium filled with plants, all which died almost immediately.

He was baffled. He replaced a few, then kept trying different plantings. When this came up in conversation, I explained how Low-E windows work and told him he would have to install full spectrum lighting to let them live, he was livid. He did as most people do: Gave up, bought some tacky statue and threw in some plastic plants.

“You mean they build all these houses with atriums, that cannot possibly support plant life?”

Uhhh, yep. Exaaaaaaaactly.

In the land of living behind closed doors and windows for at LEAST 5 months a year, houseplants used to be a huge industry for the oxygen bestowing factor, let alone the calming effect of having green softness inside against the cold harshness outside.

No more. People breathe dead, perpetually recycled air half the year. Their windows save them money, but cost them life giving rays. Perhaps they should look for some of Mr. Rogers replacement windows instead.


My windows are old and fairly drafty. I really don’t want to replace them for this reason alone. You can’t buy plain-glass windows anymore. However I do know it is much more cost effective to have triple glass windows as in the long run I will save a fortune on heating, however I am not ready to make that commitment just yet. Besides, even when its cold I will crack doors and windows for the fresh air if I feel its stuffy in here. The leaks do it for me, heh. For housing smokers, this house smells surprisingly fresh most of the time. I hate that smoke-stench.

So, back to the plants.

I looked at this highly maintained little 6 inch draceana, and looked at my other plants. I don’t use “leaf shine” like stores do, (its really bad for them) but mine looked REALLY dusty, not to mention thirsty. Lets face it, I am not the plant-mom I used to be. In fact, its amazing how mine survive the neglect at times in the winter. (In the summer I take them all outside to the deck and gazebo to flourish) I sometimes let things get out of hand in the short-day season before realizing, holy hell, everyone is wilting from thirst!

PhotobucketSo, the next thing you know, I am showering and washing the leaves of 50-odd palms, ficuses, spider plants, aloes, cacti, shrimp plants and other assorted weirdness you would never recognize the names of… not to mention the 5 banana trees I dug up and brought in to overwinter. Some, if not most of these plants were brought home the same way, saving plants people were going to throw out. One, a yucca was almost dead when I got it, and is now an 8 foot bastard, bushy and wild. I hack it back periodically, but it survives anything and just gets bigger. Another was an 8 foot fishtail palm, that Home Depot actually gave me FREE, that had everything wrong with it a plant can have. I had to cut that back, treat the hell out of it, and now, about 8 years later, its still a puny little 3 footer. But its cute.

/\ That’s a fishtail.

Once I moved all the plants, I had to wash the windows and vacuum. Once all the plants were out, they had to be rearranged. Once they were rearranged, I really wanted to, but stopped short of rearranging the whole jam room. My back gave out.

Jesus. But, ahhhh, it smells fresh and green in here again. The days are getting longer, and the sun was brilliant yesterday. Maybe its a chick-thing, this need to refresh your world and spring-clean, even prematurely. Or maybe its just me.

So, I think today I rearrange the Jam Room. If I don’t get sidetracked by playing with the equally neglected instruments.

One stupid little new thing, and a whole landslide of repercussions. Funny how the human psyche works.

Its nice to see that she also doesn’t capo 4 anymore for this. heh. I’m at three too, now Stevie. “Time makes you older, even voices get lower….” LOL.

I remind me of this joke:

I decide to wash my car. As I start toward to the garage, I notice

that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the

mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash

can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the

trash first, but then I think that since I’m going to be near the

mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills


I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only one check

left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, o I go to my

desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I’m going

to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I

don’t accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the

refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the

counter catches my eye-they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter and I discover my reading

glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I’d better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to

water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water,

and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight, when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for

the remote, but nobody will remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so

I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll

water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up

the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

* the car isn’t washed

* the bills aren’t paid

* there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

* the flowers don’t have enough water,

* there is still only 1 check in my check book,

* I can’t find the remote,

* I can’t find my glasses,

* and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really

baffled because I know I was busy all day long and I’m really tired. I

realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it,

but first I’ll check my e-mail.

Once I get in there and move the piano (again) all bets are off….


Skip to comment form

    • Diane G on February 7, 2010 at 13:43

    Buy a houseplant.

    It works.

  1. you are a trip! You always write shit that could get me yappin’ for hours. lol

    One stupid little new thing, and a whole landslide of repercussions. Funny how the human psyche works.

    lol. we call that “Tar Baby” around here.

    I smoke outside. I was just sitting out there (56*) thinking about how… as SOON as spring gets here… I SWEAR Im gonna overhaul my little Office, then tackle a couple of nagging projects. But I have to clean and file FIRST. Have to. But its too cold in here yet.

    Ive been reading a little lately, and I even ordered a book rec’d by a friend… I am really more and more convinced Im ADD for real. Ive joked about it for years, but never investigated much. Ive known Im wired different for a very long time, but… man.

    I totally did not know that about the new windows. You reminded me of my SIL, the doctah, a while back… they were in a new house and omg she went on and on about how thrilled she was with her Decorator who got them the RIGHT kind of fake ficus… the underside of the leaves are purple/green rather than green green so it gives a whole much warmer feel bla bla bla….. {eyeroll}.

    • TMC on February 7, 2010 at 16:28

    was a big issue when my spouse was going through his “green” phase 10 years ago and decided to change ALL the windows and doors in the house to more energy efficient and convenient for opening and cleaning. The salesman from the company he decided on came and explained that problem which then required my industrious other half to research the lighting in the house since I have SADD. I have a special light at my desk where I spend a great deal of time when I’m home and can’t be outside with my laptop. I do not want to tell you what a mess my house was for nearly a year because just about every window and door in the house is custom built.

    It hasn’t helped the plants survive my touch though. I’m the only person I know who can kill a cactus in  a month. I have better luck with people fortunately.

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