Remote-controlled war is the antidote to our malaise.

I don’t know if you got peanut butter on my chocolate, or if I got chocolate in your peanut butter, but two things strike me as natural conjunction in our civic evolution.  America, here’s a very tasty idea to win the war on terror and generate jobs.

Let’s face it: the long war is here to stay.  You can’t protest it away.  Sternly worded letters have failed.  And take my word for it, voting the bastards out or failing to pay your taxes has no discernible effect on the American juggernaut.  This sucker [economy] could go down, but until that happens, we will continue to borrow money into oblivion to fund the damned war machine.

Plus, the war is not going well.  We need more troops, but Americans hate big American body counts.

At the same time we have massive long-term unemployment that is eating away at the social fabric and services to which we’ve grown accustomed.  Wouldn’t it totally suck if you were foreclosed on and lost your Naugahyde Barcalounger and TV remote?  Yes, but it need not be.  And is there anyone better at electronic distractions in the comfort of our living rooms?  Some may be competitive on remotes and joysticks, but we’ve got the pioneer spirit and the eagerness to work, and our patriotism pretty much ices that cake.

So, let’s kill two or fifty birds with one stone.  

Have government hire us to conduct remote-controlled warfare in the nether regions of the world.  Sure, we’ll have to kill people half-way around the world we know nothing about, but we’re doing that anyway, and part of the beauty of remote control is that it is completely a one-sided fight, with no chance of your being killed.  Think about the on-the-job training: a little hand-eye coordination, Three, Two, One, Rifle!  Moments after: Splash!  You just earned a paycheck.  Salaries, commissions, whatever free-market solution tickles you.  You can do it while you’re making dinner!  

Plus, we nail outsourcing and Keynsian stimulus in one fell swoop.  And talk about getting everyone on the same national page.  Hell, it would be difficult and unpopular for government to stop the damned wars!  I smell electoral victories into the foreseeable future.  That’s a plan with a lot of plusses.