Security Trumps All

Obama: We Will Do Everything
Possible to Keep America Safe

It’s a big, bad, nasty dangerous world out there. Full of fanatical killers who hate you because you’re free. You got to make sure you’re safe. That’s the most important thing, right?

Everything else ain’t worth sh*t without you’re safe and secure, right?

Right. No question.

I heard on the news today that they’re closer now. In my town.

Sh*t. Now what? I’ve got it! I’ll put up a steel fence around the house. To be safe and secure.

Ahhh, that’s better.

The local radio station said this morning that there’s a good chance they’re now in the neighborhood.

F*ck! Now what? I’ve got it! I’ll put up steel shutters on the windows. To be safe and secure.

Ahhh, that’s better.

The mailman came today. He said he’s seen some suspicious looking brown people on the street this morning. But not to worry. He called Homeland Security.

They said since they don’t need warrants anymore that this is nothing to worry about. They’ll be right out to arrest anyone on the sidewalk today. But just to be on the safe side they said to shut, seal and lock the steel shutters. To be safe and secure.

Ahhh, that’s better.

Something woke me up at three in the f*cking morning today. Some low banging and thumping on the wall from outside. I had a hard time getting up out of bed to check it out because the air is getting so bad I can hardly f*cking breath in here now.

Cough, hack. But I’m safe and secure.

Gasp. Choke. Sh*t, there’s no food in the cupboard. And the fridge is empty.

But I just remembered… I’m safe and secure. Why isn’t this any better?

It’s getting really hard to breath in here now. But good thing I’m safe and secure.

F*ck I’m hungry. Mostly for human contact… I wish I had someone to talk to…

I’d like to let someone know that I’m safe and secure. But I’m afraid to open the shutters now. I wish there was some air in here…

Tell my kids I loved them, will you? And please give them this note.  


Skip to comment form

    • Edger on January 15, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    And Cass Sunstein, too…

    • Edger on January 15, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    would it be good to go as a crosspost?

  1. generatates lots of manure.  Don’t smell that bad this time of year though.  I’d rather go out with a bang, more exciting that way.

  2. About a year ago I saw a swarthy looking man dressed in a fancy looking business suit at a Carl’s Junior speaking Arabic into a cell phone.


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