Snow Night

Its snowing. A lot. I always think of it as the Mean Season… even though eventually I come to see the beauty, and like the slowing of the pace. How people all in the same boat wander out to be awed, stuck home by the storm. I end up liking too, that as an early riser, I get to see it before it has been marred by footprints and tire tracks, so pristine, so clean.

It washes away the things I both long for, others I despise from my memories of growing up.

Its kind of a season of loss, both of all the bustle of a huge family Jake will never know, mixed with a happiness he will never have to go through much of it. At least I belonged to something, however flawed; he is alone but for his Father and I. Mixed blessings. But there are reasons why I think of it as the Mean Season. Still, I can’t hate the snow.

Snowstorms shrink your world. Forced solitude. You and the elements. You alone in the World.

The seasons have changed more ways than one. I guess I’m officially old. Just missed a 2nd period after months of weirdness. Menopause, too. The Winter of my life as well. And a few zits to boot from the hormone change, too. Old and hideous. Bonus!

Not that I mind practically. Jake was my miracle, and I couldn’t have another anyway, so fuck that hassle. No, don’t feel like less of a woman either.

Its just, geeez, two minutes ago I was 19, and now, its officially the end-part of my life. And I’m still the little kid hiding from the next hit.

What have I done with my life?

It’s really snowing out.

“With winter closing in…”


Nah, Bob, “Autumn closing in” has long come and gone.



Let it snow.

I need it.

Not much of an essay. Sorry.


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    • Diane G on December 9, 2009 at 04:41
  1. Id lose my mind, for sure. I dont do snow.

    My daughter (12) is very alone that way too, closest cousin is 16, most of her cousins are in their 20’s.

    Got a good book to cozy up with?

  2. Illinois here, Kiddo. Got a couple of inches of ice and slush on the ground tonight, lookin’ to get 6 to 9 inches of snow on top of that and it’s all headed your way. We live in the boondocks, when we get snowed in, we get snowwwed in! That’s OK though, I just keep my mind keyed on Spring and the Great Rebirth. As long as it’s warm enough to keep the electrons moving through the wire and into my monitor, it’s all cool!

    Hey, don’t sweat the age thing, when you get in your 50’s, you realize that the 40’s were the best

    • Diane G on December 9, 2009 at 13:12

    Making the drama of the writing and the forecasters both totally lame.

    I’d rather have had the foot of snow, than rain melting it, slush and mud. But I dare not criticize the South Winds or they won’t come when I do call them anymore.


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