Invade Pakistan!!!

Or better yet, nuke it back to the stone age.


Let’s just get it over with, shall we?

I mean, we are AMERICA dammit! We go where we want and do what we want and take what we want and we are more than willing to make shit up, forge evidence, lie to ourselves and the world and do whatever else it takes to justify our blatantly self interested actions.

But we ARE reasonable. We will after all only conquer places and kill masses of people (and wedding parties) if they pose a FULL 1% chance of maybe, perhaps, ever possibly attacking us in the near future…….or the medium future….or ever.

After all…..9/11!

We lost almost three thousand people on 9/11, and have only killed hundreds of thousands of Muslims since then….maybe not even a million….yet. And we have only killed about double the number of our own troops/people who got killed on 9/11, to avenge the people who we lost on 9/11.

So let’s stop dithering….and conquer the WORLD!

Or we will never be absolutely safe, and only a 100% ironclad guarantee that we will never lose another American life to terrorism is good enough, right?

We have to prevent terrorism! Because it is possible, no matter what those egghead smart people say, to completely and absolutely prevent terrorism….IF…you kill enough people to do so.

And all that talk about how killing hordes of innocent people actually creates terrorists is just a DFH talking point. So what if the children of the people we kill grow up to be terrorists, we will kill THEM too!

We all know, deep in our jingoistic, terrified hearts, that we have to conquer, invade, occupy and kill anyone who poses even a one per cent threat to our Homeland, right?!? Those Evile Muslims wants our Womens! Any day now the Caliph’s Army, Navy and Air Force could rear it’s ugly beturbaned head and show up at our doorstep! So ….why wait?

There is a Muslim country that has nukes. It doesn’t matter that those nukes are well guarded, disassembled etc, and that the “terrorists don;t stand a chance in hell of getting their hands on them. Really, not even a 1% chance…it doesn’t matter. They are a threat. And any threat to the Homeland must be terminated with extreme prejudice, no matter how small or unlikely…or even ludicrous …it is.

If we can send 30,000 more troops to kill Muslims in order to eliminate the threat that they clearly pose to The Homeland…. from their mud huts and caves. If they are such a looming menace that we have to hunt down all 100 Al Qaeda….and anyone who has ever seen an Al Qaedan, and anyone named Al for that matter, to make sure they don’t attack The Homeland, so be it. Whatever it takes, no matter how bloody the fight, no matter who has to die. After all the best way to make sure that we are not attacked is to kill everyone who looks crosseyed at us, right? They must be KEELLEDED! I mean, that’ll teach em not to hate us and attack us!!!

Ok, so first we invade Pakistan, (Shut the fuck UP! I know we are broke and don’t have anymore troops or resources to do this shit, but we are being THREATENED dammit!) then, Somalia, then Indonesia (YES, all of Indonesia…AND Southeast Asia, just to be sure!!!) then Syria, Lebanon, and when we are done there we will start in on the ‘Stans!

Don’t even TALK to me about Iran, they are as good as dead already.

What? What’s that you say? We have a new president now, a Democrat? Not an evil Republican?


Ok, ok, we will Change.

We will only invade, kill, conquer, and occupy anyplace that poses a 2%  chance of maybe, perhaps, ever possibly attacking us in the near future……or the medium future….or ever.

No matter how many Americans are killed by “terrorists” to stop another American from being killed by terrorists.

No matter how much it bankrupts us.

No matter how many people die.

No matter anything.

Including who is President.

Absolutely each and every American must be absolutely safe from absolutely everything for absolutely forever. No matter how many people, or our own sons and daughters, we have to kill to make it so.


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  1. Photobucket

    Er….um….I mean….Freedom!

    • Edger on December 4, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Calm yourself, will you? Take a pill. Have a drink or four.

    There’s another way to deal with this shit…

  2. jack ripper1

  3. buck turgidson1

    • UTvoter on December 4, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    that apparently we already did invade Pakistan……

  4. in ze mind of ze enemy, the fear to attack.

    .    .

    .    .

    Dr. S

  5. U-S-A!  U-S-A!

    I just felt a tingle go up my leg.

    • Inky99 on December 4, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    EX President Bush and EX VP Cheney are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, ‘Isn’t that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?’

    The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’

    So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, this is a real honor! What are  you guys doing in here?’

    Bush says, ‘We’re planning WW III.’

    The guy says, ‘Really? What’s going to happen?’

    Cheney says, ‘Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.’

    The guy exclaimed, ‘A blonde with big tits?

    Why kill a blonde with big tits?’

    Cheney turns to Bush and says, ‘See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims.’

    • Inky99 on December 4, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    “We need to view this sober reality,” Scahill told MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow on Thursday. “The war is in Pakistan right now. There’s no question about it. The question, though, is how much it’s going to expand. … These are actions that are going to destabilize Pakistan and are going to create new enemies for the United States because of the high civilian casualties. … Here you have military operations inside a country that we don’t have a declaration of war against.”

    Scahill emphasized that the most destabilizing actions come not from the CIA but from Blackwater mercenaries, whom he recently described in The Nation as working for US special forces to “plan targeted assassinations of suspected Taliban and Al Qaeda operatives, ‘snatch and grabs’ of high-value targets and other sensitive action inside and outside Pakistan.”

    There’s video of him saying all this on the Maddow show at the link

    • robodd on December 4, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    astounds me.

    I’m thinking along the lines of the wisdom of the ancient pharaohs, who killed their enemies’ male babies in their cradles.  Since in the age of terrorism, everyone is under suspicion and everyone is a potential enemy and since we live in the age of equal rights, it is painfully clear your plan, ltd to pakistan as it is, is woefully deficient.  

    • banger on December 4, 2009 at 11:43 pm

    Nobody is going to invade Pakistan. America no longer has any interest in fighting real countries and real enemies. It prefers pretend battles against small villages and wedding parties.

    Nobody is going to invade Iran either — I’ve said this for years. Again, you have an enemy that can resist so the U.S. will not touch it.

    The American ruling class is afraid of war as is the U.S. military. Besides, and remember this and say it like a mantra, a real war is bad for business in the globalized economy. My understanding is the Chinese have vetoed further U.S. adventures unless it involves invading Grenada or something like that.

    • Miep on December 5, 2009 at 3:49 am

    your writer’s block 🙂

  6. …and the Absurd-O-Meter clangs a new high, the buhdy’s satirical pinnacles reach ever new elevations.  

    Watch out for altitude sickness and be sure to take enough oxygen.

    Wonderful, my friend!

  7. I am more concerned about the gang guys yelling in the parking lot.  Sometimes, when they have been drinking, I worry that they will take a wild shot and the innocent bystander (me), upstairs, will…….

  8. They have nukes, and ETA terrorists slip easily back and forth across the border.

    Besides, we have as much chance of finding Osama in a villa on the Riviera as we do in Chitral.


    • Wom Bat on December 5, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    blood and gore and guts and veins in muh teeth, this is a great essay. Obama should incorporate it into his SOTU next month.

    • jamess on December 6, 2009 at 5:20 am

    Hersh: ‘Executive assassination ring’ reported directly to Cheney

    Was Wellstone Assassinated?

    Paul was warned!

    Afterall look at how they treat their “friends”

    Exclusive: Mike Connell’s Family Copes With His Mysterious Death, Tipsters, Legal Options

    It’s Empire or Nothing!

    MIC knows no bounds.

  10. both advocate the Bush Doctrine and flaunt International Law. Looks like we got a ‘two for’ once again. This must be what Obama meant when he said he would use ‘diplomacy’. How is this any different then Bomb, Bomb, Iran? Oh yeah this is where Waldo/Goldstein/Osama is hiding. Seems our primary was another farce. Endless war is now declared.      



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