To the Mattresses, People!

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

I don’t know about you, but the President’s speech last night filled me with a sense of pride.  It really did.  Obama is a great motivational speaker, and after watching it I just wanted to get on the phone and and help him get this thing done.  

Update: And he told us on the left not to fixate on the public option.  I’m nothing if not subservient, so I took some notes, and started to write my script for the phone bank……


1) Did you know that grandma won’t be put in front of a death panel?  That’s an outright falsehood!  

(Good – I didn’t know that.  It’ll be easier for me now to speak to the Fox News viewer.  Besides, end of life counseling is so un-American.  I wonder if I can tell them that Grandma might WANT end of life counseling, and the government will pay for it?  Better not – that will upset the Fox viewer).

2) Illegal Aliens won’t get the health care they need in order to clean your toilets and dig your ditches!

(Whew.  I was afraid ALL people would get service.  We can’t have healthy migrants.  That just won’t do.)

3) Because this plan doesn’t contain an communist public option, within 5 years, you will be able to use an exchange to choose one of the following: Wellpoint, UHC, or Kaiser!  Now isn’t that better than what you have now?  What, you have that choice now?  Well here’s the good part: You will be REQUIRED to choose between those companies.  

(Don’t mention that reform doesn’t mention antitrust regulations, so the top companies will continue to buy smaller companies until there are no more than three.  People might get nervous)

4) No public option plus an individual mandate means you will get to stay at your present company until you either die or retire!  Now that’s stability we can believe in!  

(Don’t mention that this is wage slavery.  People might be upset.)

5) Tort reform!  

(Wingers love ’em some tort reform, even though they don’t know what it means.  Don’t explain that it will limit their ability to be reimbursed for malpractice.  )

OK, this covers the wingers on my list.  The following is my script for people who voted for Obama on the basis of his health care promises in his campaign:

Hi, I’m calling on behalf of the health insurance reform the president proposed in his speech last night.  Hello?    Hello?    Hello?  

Update 2:  Hey, did you see that guy dissing the president last night?  How’s about $50 for the cause?  


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  1. going to the mattresses!  Who’s with me?  

    • TMC on September 10, 2009 at 18:53

    Goldman Sachs is already bundling insurance policies to add to the toxic assets they already have hidden

    I didn’t listen to the speech. I read the text instead and wonder what every on was praising. I’m still waiting for talk about regulation, reform and a true public option open to everyone. I won’t hold my breath.

  2. If you don’t sign up with one of our pre-approved for-profit insurance behemoths, we sic the IRS on you.

    I know you probably think this is unfair, but it’s for your own good.  After all, it is your responsibility as an American to contribute your fair share to the profit margins of our nation’s fine, upstanding corporate citizens.

    • Edger on September 10, 2009 at 19:18

    “moved forward” into the 12th dimension now, no?

    Because what he’s doing is so far beyond me it leaves me just… shaking my head stumped… you know?

  3. you guys have it all backwards! oy.

    Tom Harkin Got It Right apparently.


  4. play nice!  

  5. nothing will happen for another 4 years! Enough time to get our sh*t together and move to Mexico or Canada or Europe even.  


    • Inky99 on September 10, 2009 at 23:14

     ….. from the corporations ….!!!

    Oh wait ….

  7. …All the health insurance companies — United, Wellpoint, HealthNet, Blue Cross, etc. — are up in today’s market.

    Hey, if Wall !Street likes it, that’s good enough for me.

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