Important universal and timeless truths that we learn only from the movies:
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and
wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them
than 20 men firing at one man.
If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river – or even a bath.
German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings
from international terrorist organizations – even though the job
will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their
own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings – especially
if any of their family or friends have died in a strange
All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
to each other.
Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds
– unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped
You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing
a bow tie.
When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but
at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause
no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down
three days before their retirement.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world
expert in nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything
else at the age of 22.
The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they
will fall in love.
Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their son’s
Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable,
even if the tenants are unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to
cut. You will always choose the right one.
It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
one… dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
dispatched their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses,
lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their
captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one
bunch of carrots with leafy tops.
It’s easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while
scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight,
your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange
noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they
happened to be wearing when the car broke down.
If someone says “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel from time to time.
A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you
will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the
music in your head.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
People on TV never finish their drinks.
When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a
note – just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
If a killer is lurking in your house, it’s easy to find him. Just
relax and run a bath – even if it’s the middle of the afternoon.
All single women have a cat.
If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by
frantically beating the cradle and saying, “Hello? Hello?”
During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person
you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to
Dogs always know how to spot villains and will bark at them and no
If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with
a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are