Dear World

Date: January 12, 2009

Subject: An apology for our 2001-2008 interruption in service

Dear World:

We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4, 2008.

Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional on January 20.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come.

We thank you for your patience and understanding,




Skip to comment form

    • Edger on January 18, 2009 at 02:29
  1. Jan. 20th may not be fully functional, but we will hope for the best!

    You’re in kinda’ a rare form, Edger!  

    This is super!

    I’m e-mailing this to everyone on my e-mail list — SO, THERE!

  2. Thank you for the notice.  However, it is my unfortunate duty to inform you that we have been contracting from an alternate set of suppliers for some time.

    Your assistance in the 1940-1945 time period was deeply appreciated.  Indeed, we remain grateful that your assistance during this period provided an incubator environment for our current suppliers of hope for human rights, peace, basic dignity, and quality of life.

    However, in light of past interruptions in service — specifically relating to police actions on the Korean Penninsula which killed over a million people, additional police actions in Southeast Asia with a similar toll, the ongoing repression of Latin American democracy and human rights movements, and continuing tolerance for hunger and poverty which costs approximately 35,000 lives a day on the African continent —  not to mention the small matter of Iraqi occupation — we are currently receiving shipments of liberty and democracy from several EU states, Peru, and (intermittently) Canada.  

    We wish you good fortune in debugging your new system!  Provided it meets basic tests for quality control, and avoids the documented issues with the “war on terror”, the “war on drugs”, queer rights, and “homeland security” which plagued the previous installation, we will happily consider shipments from the US at a future time.  However, we have observed that most of these issues are in fact listed as features in the new system.

    Thank you and good luck!

    The World.  

    • Edger on January 18, 2009 at 03:54

    to unplug the network cable before installing…

  3. News email addys

    • sharon on January 18, 2009 at 06:17

    and the silliness here, i think the whole left blogistan is giddy tonight with anticipation!  love it!!

Comments have been disabled.