(noon. – promoted by ek hornbeck)
BEFORE (unrepresentative and inaccurate):
Merrill Lynch boss seeks 10-million-dlr bonus
WASHINGTON (AFP) – The chief executive of troubled Wall Street firm Merrill Lynch is seeking a 10-million-dollar bonus this year in the midst of a financial crisis which plunged his company into dire straits, US media reported Monday.
Chief executive (formerly) is typically the highest-ranking corporate officer (executive) or administrator in charge of total management of a corporation, company, organization, or agency, reporting to the board of directors.
Chief executive (new) is typically an unrepentant, ass-wart which employs complex cloaking schemes (such as expensive three-piece suits) to appear to most as an upstanding, most-often Caucasian, businessman.
Troubled (formerly) characterized by or indicative of trouble.
Troubled (new) morally bankrupt, pathetic and without remorse.
Seeking (formerly) to try to acquire or gain.
Seeking (new) a synonym for extortion.
Bonus (formerly) something in addition to what is expected or strictly due.
Bonus (new) an audacious reward for utterly substandard performance or what your three-year-old does when he or she throws a fit when not being given the piece of candy after the piece of candy after the piece of candy he or she got as punishment for having written the word “booger” all over the wall in permanent marker.
Financial Crisis (formerly) is applied broadly to a variety of situations in which some financial institutions or assets suddenly lose a large part of their value.
Financial Crisis (new) is applied when a group of incompetents lacking the ethical backbone to be trusted with responsibility for anything greater than a $3 allowance create a global meltdown threatening to plunge the world into poverty .
Company (formerly) an association of persons for carrying on a commercial enterprise.
Company (new) your 401K and financial future.
After (more fully representative of reality):
Merrill Lynch boss seeks 10-million-dlr bonus
WASHINGTON (AFP) – The unrepentant ass-wart of morally bankrupt, pathetic and without remorse Wall Street firm Merrill Lynch is attempting to extort a 10-million-dollar audacious reward for utterly substandard performance this year in the midst of an incompetent created ethical meltdown which plunged your 401K and financial future into dire straits, US media reported Monday.
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See, Lieber, Jeffrey Samuel.
this afternoon, and now here. Very funny–thanks–with all the bad economic news, we need to laugh, even if the humor is sardonic.
people. They are able to run their companies in the ground. Some of them can even get the US taxpayers to kick in big bucks to help finance Millions in Bonuses to the top executives of their failing companies, and to pay millions more in sports sponsorships.
Doesn’t it take a uniqely rare quality to be able to pull off all of that, and still keep your job? Thain probably believes he deserves a $10 million bonus for his world class hubris and ego alone.