Writing in the Raw: How Deep the Rabbit Hole Goes

I know why you’re here, Republican lurkers.  I know what you’ve been doing . . . why you hardly sleep, why you live the way you do, and why night after night, you sit by your computer and furtively read progressive blogs. You’re looking for him.  I know because I was once looking for the same thing.  And when he found me, he told me I wasn’t really looking for him.  I was looking for an answer.  It’s the question that drives us.  It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.

But you’re afraid to ask it.

I know you’re out there.  I can feel you now.  I know that you’re afraid . . . afraid of us.  You’re afraid of change.  I don’t know the future.  I didn’t write this WITR to tell you how this is going to end.  I wrote it to tell how it’s going to begin.

Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something.  What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it.  You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with Republicans.  Something very wrong. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.  

We’re here to help.  You want to know what’s wrong with Republicans?  

Here’s a clue . . .

The Republican Party is a mind-killing system.  That system is our enemy.   When you’re with Republicans and look around, what do you see?   Strange women with band aids on their chins, businessmen, lobbyists, corporate lawyers, lobbyists, taser salesmen, lobbyists,  people with limited reading comprehension skills, lobbyists, people with no reading comprehension skills at all, and last but not least, bankers, wankers, and church ladies . . .

Lots of church ladies.

These are the people we are trying to deprogram.  They are everywhere.  They’re  all around us.   You can see them in WalMart parking lots, when you look out your window, and when you turn on your television.  You can feel them when you go to work . . . you can see them at the country club with a beautiful date, leaning against the wall with a martini and a cigarette. . . you can hear them howling along with Limbaugh and O’Reilly, whether there’s a full moon or not.  They are the conformity hood that’s been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

What truth, you ask?

That you are slaves, Republican lurkers.  Like every other Republican, you are in bondage.  In a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch.   A prison for your mind.

Until we free them, these people are still part of the Republican system, and that makes them our enemy.  You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged, many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the RePug system that they will fight to protect it.

Some of them are trying to bend the Republican Party.  Evangelicals are trying to bend it one way, fiscal conservatives are trying to bend it another way, libertarians are trying to bend it their way.  But it’s impossible. Instead . . . they must try to realize the truth.

What truth, you ask?

There is no Republican Party.

It’s an illusion.  A deadly illusion.

I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here.  It came to me when I tried to classify the Republican species and realized that they’re not actually mammals.  Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but Republicans do not.  They move to an area and multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed, and the only way they can survive is to spread to another area.

Like Cincinnati.  

Or Idaho.  

There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern.  Do you know what it is?  

A virus.  

Republicans are a disease, a cancer of this planet.  

They are a plague and we are the cure.

We’re trying to free your minds, Republican lurkers.   But we can only show you the door.  You’re the ones who have to walk through it.

Your eyes hurt?

That’s because you’ve never used them before.

This is your last chance.  After this, there is no turning back.  You take the blue pill–this WITR ends, you wake up tomorrow morning with this guy in your bed . . .

and keep believing whatever you want to believe.  

Or you take the red pill–join Docudharma, and we’ll show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.


Skip to comment form

    • RiaD on August 8, 2008 at 04:32

    this is excellent!


    a virus indeed….

    • Edger on August 8, 2008 at 04:48

  1. How can I argue with that?

    But hey, it could be worse. They could be Scottish. 🙂

    • feline on August 8, 2008 at 04:54

    It’s great to read a Rusty essay – I always wanted to discuss this with you.  An excellent perspective on one of my favorite movies and themes.

  2. this idea come from??????

    Perhaps it was some dark and rainy night when we discovered the fake news sites, while the Jackster and the POA played. Where seldom was heard an encouraging word, and the cows were pumping all day.

  3. …looking at that picture, is that’s somebody’s Aunt Hilda or Pat or something, and when her nieces are trying to explain their family to their normal friends they show them that picture.

    • robodd on August 8, 2008 at 05:36

    John McCain has a comprehensive economic plan that will create millions of good American jobs, ensure our nation’s energy security, get the government’s budget and spending practices in order, and bring relief to American consumers.

    Just keep repeating that and let those annoying worries slip away.

  4. And it BETTER BE GOOD!

    • WSComn on August 8, 2008 at 21:52

    A question… If Dubya could run for a third term, do you think he would win?  Would he be a lock?  Is he still thought of reverently by those who lunged twice in the last eight years for the blue pill?  What spell does this brainless twit hold over our huddled, lethargic masses?

    If the answer is yes, then what does this mean for our progressive values?  What does this mean for the progressive vision of ‘fixing’ the evils and desecrations of the last two presidential terms?  What is my point in asking these types of question?

    This:  An Obama win, a 60 seat majority in the senate, a clear majority in the House and one, maybe two, appointments to the SCOTUS will not solve our base problems in this country.  It will ease our pain for a while, but to me the underlying problem in this country is two-fold.  First, there is a religious and radical christian minority that is bound and determined to destroy every freedom and right we now enjoy, if those freedoms and rights conflict in any manner with the tenants of their sacred  belief structure.  Second, there is a passive and non-reactive majority that believes the most important thing they can do each and every week is to vote for their most favored American Idol selection…and to cast that vote without fail, and do little else, except to buy a bigger TV (on credit…from WAL-MART no less!).

    Basically, one cannot take possession of a problem and apply solutions to that problem (problems such as, say, right wing fascism or the erosion of our basic human rights) if one cannot see that there is a problem in the first place.  Instead, if one spends their time blinded by truck pulls, NASCAR, ESPN 1-8, reality TV (really?), sound-bite politics, road-rage, internet porn and a countless array of other diversions and illusions readily available for purchase, on credit, at WAL-MART (“Republican Bullshit?  That’s in aisle three”) or WALMART.COM, then the buyer’s mind will remain blistered and culturally inundated with too much input, thereby (wait for it!) blinding the American Sheep Person to reality and all the concerns and responsibilities that go along with such realizations.

    “He’s gonna pop!” said Cypher.  Drop to the deck and toss up the white goop!  Easier to hide with your head in the electronic sand of cable vision.

    So with a non-reactive majority doing little to prevent a radical minority from controlling their lives, what reason is there for us to write about such things.  Why do we soldier on working for progressive freedom for all?  Why do we continue to give Republicans the benefit of the doubt and continue to believe they will come around to our way of thinking?

    They won’t, you know.

    They won’t, not because they’re right and we’re wrong.

    They won’t, not because they are true believers.

    They won’t, not because they care about the issues or the facts.

    They just want to win.  That’s all.

    It is the way with all children under the age of 8.

    They just want to win.

    So again:  What reason is there for us to write about such things.  Why do we soldier on?

    I prefer to believe what I consider to be the simplest explanation:  I could be wrong about Republicans and the future of our country.  Maybe we aren’t doomed to self-destruction and 3rd world nation status.  Maybe Republicans do care about me and my status, my voice and my place in our nation, a nation controlled and administered by our Republican friends.  Yes, I could be wrong.

    But then again…I could be wrong about that, too.

    Still, I feel it’s alright to make them the offer of the Red Pill.  They might even take it.  But if they do, follow them down the rabbit hole and watch them like a hawk.  Don’t turn your back on them.  They are, after all, Republicans, and they’ve proven their disloyalty to us and our country again and again and again.

    Why do I say this?  Why do I think this way?  Well, let’s consider Cypher.  I’ll bet you five dollars to a doughnut Cypher was a Republican.  Then he choked down a Red Pill, took that ride down the rabbit hole and look what he accomplished!  

    Cypher.  Definitely a Republican.

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