The 2008 Presidential Election: A Blow Job?

(9:30 am – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Renowned (and reviled by some) film maker Michael Moore has written a new book to be released September 01 this year: “Mikes Election Guide 2008” in which he offers up a smorgasborg of helpful tips and hints that the Democrats and Barack Obama can easily use to live up to the long history and promise of the Democratic Party and blow the election again for themselves this year.

With a hat tip to T. Christopher Kelly who blogs at TalkLeft as TChris, here’s the problem to be dealt with this year:

Beginning with their stunning inability to defeat the most detested politician in American history, Richard Nixon, and continuing through their stunning inability to defeat the most detested politician in the world, George II, the Democrats are the masters of blowing it. And they don’t just simply “blow it” – they blow it especially when the electorate seems desperate to give it to them.

So. How to do it bigger and better than ever before this year?

Well, Good old Mike has published a “preview” of his new book in an edited extract from Mike’s Election Guide published in todays Guardian.

Here’s a few choice quotes, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy the entire article.

From The Guardian, here’s How to blow it

It’s the most winnable presidential election in American history – but the Democrats are old hands at losing. Michael Moore offers some helpful hints on how they might gift it all to the Republicans.

“Let’s snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.”

“We never met an election we’d like to win.”

“Why get elected when you can be defeated!”

For years now, nearly every poll has shown that the American people are right in sync with the platform of the Democratic Party. They are pro-environment, pro-women’s rights, pro-choice, they don’t like war, they want the minimum wage raised, and they want a single-payer universal healthcare system. The American public agrees with the Republican Party on only one major issue: they support the death penalty.

So you would think, with more than 200 million eligible voters, the Dems would be cleaning up, election after election. Obviously not. The Democrats appear to be professional losers. They are so pathetic in their ability to win elections, they even lose when they win! Al Gore won the 2000 election, but for some strange reason he didn’t become the president of the United States.

If you are unable as a party to get the landlord to turn over the keys to a house that is yours, what the hell good are you?

Well, in 2006, the Dems had a come-to-Jesus meeting with themselves and, under the leadership of Rahm Emanuel, won so many House seats, they just waltzed in and took the place over. What a great day that was, seeing Nancy Pelosi bang the gavel down to open Congress. And what was her first act? To declare that any discussion of the impeachment of George W Bush was verboten and no one was ever to bring it up again. And that was that. It sent a clear message to Bush that he could just keep doing what he’d been doing for the first six years. The result? That’s exactly what he did, with Congress authorising every war funding bill he sent to them. How did the American people respond? Congress’s approval rating sank lower than Bush’s. How disgusting do you have to be to sink lower in the public’s eyes than a man who can’t even successfully choke himself on a pretzel?

So when you hear Democrats and liberals and Obama supporters say they are worried McCain has a good chance of winning, they ain’t a-kidding. Who would know better than the very people who have handed the Republicans one election after another on a silver platter? Yes, be afraid, be very afraid.

…

Keep saying nice things about McCain. Like how he’s been “good on global warming” and campaign finance. Keep reminding a country at war that he and he alone is a war hero. Not to mention an all-round good guy. Say that enough and what happens? The same thing that happens when you repeat over and over, “Apply directly to the forehead” – people start to believe it!

…

Have Obama pick a vice-presidential candidate who is a conservative white guy, or a general, or a Republican. Yes, it will seem like smart politics at first. Shore up Obama’s lack of military experience with a hawk.

Be true to Obama’s message that he’ll be a president for everybody by having him run with a Republican.

Make a pitch to the purple states of Virginia and Indiana to vote Democratic this time by putting one of their own on the ticket.  

…

Show up to a gunfight with a peashooter. Convince yourself that the Republicans are just going to roll over and play dead because there is simply no life left in their party. Convince yourself this one is in the bag! Convince yourself that if you play by the rules, the Republicans will, too.

…

But don’t stop there. Be ready to jump and change anything at a moment’s notice. If they ask you to stand on your head and do the hokey-pokey, snap to it and do it with a smile on your face and don’t forget to apologise for not doing the hokey-pokey earlier, you meant no disrespect and please don’t take it as any indication that you do not love your country, your flag, and your Christian God.

Do all of that, and then listen for that sound – the sound of your supporters shuffling away in silence. Don’t worry, though – they won’t vote for McCain. They’ll just stop showing up at the campaign headquarters over on Maple Street.

And the best one of all of Mike’s suggestions for Barack?

Denounce me! The candidate Obama, at some point, might be asked this question: “Michael Moore is a supporter of yours and has endorsed you. But in his new book, Mike’s Election Guide, he says the following (go ahead and fill in the blank – I’ve provided a full list of outrageously offensive lines already taken out of context in advance to make it easy for rightwing commentators and Fox News). Will you still accept his endorsement or do you denounce him?”

And he better denounce me or they will tear him to shreds. He had better back away not only from me but from anyone and everyone who veers a bit too far to the left of where his advisers have told him is the sweet spot for all those red state voters.

We can’t take four more years of this madness. We need you to be a candidate who will fight back every time they attack you. Actually, don’t even wait till you have to fight back. Fight first! Show some vision and courage and smoke them out. Take the offensive. Keep asking why these lobbyists are McCain’s best friends. Let’s finally have a Democrat who’s got the balls to fire first.