Why is the Polar Ice melting? Fox News has the Answer!

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

No, Virginia.  There is no global warming!

Do you know how I know this, Virginia?  Because those well known and highly decorated Scientists, Rush Limpbaugh,PhV (Physician, Viagara), Sean Hannity,WnGnT (Wingnut), and Neal Boortz, LnC (Libertarian Nutcase) have told me in no uncertain terms that it is SO.

Who, in their Right(wing) Mind could possibly have the expertise in this field to actually stand up to these “Keepers of the Truth and the American Way” and offer a different opinion?

Certainly not Fox News!  That bastion of the Fair and Balanced coverage of all things great and small would never give in to the temptation to try their hand at discouraging their viewers from not believing any single word uttered by the above mentioned “brilliant scientists of hate radio.”

In fact, Fox News has their very own theory that they pulled directly out of their collective asses regarding why global warming is not the cause for the melting of Planet Earth’s Arctic ice.  

Let’s see what they have to say on this issue, below.

 

From Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Fox News:

Huge Volcanoes May Be Erupting Under Arctic Ice

OK,OK!!  Stop RIGHT there!  Volcanoes MAY be erupting under Arctic Ice?  My ass might be able to fit into a pair of 30″ waist Levi bluejeans too, but then again….

New evidence deep beneath the Arctic ice suggests a series of underwater volcanoes have erupted in violent explosions in the past decade.

Hidden 2.5 miles (4,000 meters) beneath the Arctic surface, the volcanoes are up to a mile (2,000 meters) in diameter and a few hundred yards tall.

They formed along the Gakkel Ridge, a lengthy crack in the ocean crust where two rocky plates are spreading apart, pulling new melted rock to the surface.

 My emphasis

So, there is Brand Spanking NEW evidence that VIOLENT explosions in the PAST DECADE from VOLCANOES (they get hot, by the way – hence the melty thing) happened under the Arctic.  

What is this evidence, you ask?  Yeah, me too!

Until now, scientists thought undersea volcanoes only dribbled lava from cracks in the seafloor. The extreme pressure from the overlying water makes it difficult for gas and magma to blast outward.

But the Gakkel Ridge, which is relatively unexplored and considered unique for its slow spreading rate, is just the place for surprises.

I’m not seeing any evidence here, but being the patient type that I am, I will read further…  BTW, the Gakkel Ridge is just the place for surprises.  I’m not sure if Dr. Limpbaugh said that or if it was maybe Professor Hannity, but someone seems to be saying that here.  That ol’ Gakkel Ridge never fails to surprise, as we all know….

Robert Reeves-Sohn of the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution (WHOI) in Massachusetts and his colleagues discovered jagged, glassy fragments of rock scattered around the volcanoes, suggesting explosive eruptions occurred between 1999 and 2001.

They hypothesize that the slow spreading could allow excess gas to build up in pockets of magma beneath the oceanic crust. When the gas pressure gets high enough, it pops like a champagne bottle being uncorked.

With news this week that polar ice is melting dramatically, underwater Arctic pyrotechnics might seem like a logical smoking gun.

 My emphasis

So, what Fox News is telling us is that underwater volcanoes MIGHT be causing the Arctic Ice To Melt.  Now this guy, um, Reeves-Sohn from Corn Hole Oceanographic Institution isn’t saying that.  He just says that during the years 1999 – 2001 if the gas pressure got high enough, it would pop like a champagne cork being unbottled.

BTW, Fox News guys and gals?  This year is 2008.  2008 – 2001 = 7 years.  So ending seven years ago, the popping magma champagne is just now melting the ice, right?

Let’s see what else is in the article….

Scientists don’t see any significant connection, however.

“We don’t believe the volcanoes had much effect on the overlying ice,” Reeves-Sohn told LiveScience, “but they seem to have had a major impact on the overlying water column.”

The same guy that they quoted while trying to make their lame-assed argument that volcanoes under the Arctic ice “might seem like a logical smoking gun“, they then tell you that Reeves-Sohn sez he doesn’t believe it had anything to do with the ice.

I am amazed and confused all at once!

Pure unadultrated bullshit wrapped up in a neat little package with a bow on top and a slight disclaimer at the end is Fox News’ way of disproving that which cannot be disproved.

You just can’t make this shit up!  Although, Fox News certainly can!

Then again, I expected nothing different…..

28 comments

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    • brobin on July 3, 2008 at 3:42 pm
      Author

    automobiles in the world combined.

    News at 11…..

    • Edger on July 3, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    GW is caused by all the hot air issuing from GWB and Faux Snooze and the NYT. And don’t forget Pelosi.

    It would be really cool if we could get rid of all of them.

    • geomoo on July 3, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    The world is a mysterious place, especially when you get into Canada and even higher.  The only people who’ve been there are Eskimos, who can’t report back because all their words mean “snow.”  What COULD happen is that a series of volcanoes, BLOWING THEIR TOPS LIKE GIGANTIC CORKS (scientific portions in all caps) could gradually start melting the ice.  But if you think about how if you leave an ice tray out by accident, the ice doesn’t melt immediately.  It would probably take 7 years for the ice over the volcano to melt.

    What a surprise the Gakkel Ridge had for us!  Even though absurd liberal climatic scientists have been falsely predicting this for years, it turns out the ice melted anyway from another, never dreamed of, reason, making right wing pundits appear to be scientifically illiterate idiots.  Anything can happen.

    Thanks for choosing laughter over tears here, brobin. Very funny.  I mean, if we can’t laugh at the beginning of the end of the human race, what can we laugh at?

  1. I heard that somewhere before 😉 ……….

    never underestimate a humans ability to deny and rationalize…………

  2. that the arctic ice is melting because arctic water is heated by subterranean magma flow is like suggesting

    that you could have a “no peeing” section in a pool.

    The Arctic Ocean is not “walled off” from the other oceans, if the arctic ocean was heating up that heat would be dissipated by the rest of the ocean water on earth.

    Being conservative is one thing, being simultaneously brainless and wealthy is a neat trick.

  3. Faux = the tabloid “news” on TV.  I think one of their news sources must be the Weekly World News. BTW, did you know that the Fountain of Vermouth has recently been discovered?

    “At first I thought it was just your regular, run-of the- mill bubbling water spout, but the smell was what got me thinking twice,” he said. “It was sweet, but strong, so I bent down and took a quick sniff and sip, realized it was dry vermouth, and ran all the way back to the tent to tell everyone else!”

    Must be the result of all that volcano activity happening there under the earth’s surface, could be a “smoking gun” for finding large deposits of alcohol worldwide, heading off any potential shortage for decades to come.  Thank God!  But I won’t really believe it till I hear it on Fox.  When the respected journalists of Fixed Fox tell me, I’ll believe.  Because if they say it, it must be true.  

  4. closer we get to end times the funnier we get?  If we ever

    manage to right this sinking ship my hope is we still have

    a sense of humor left.

    Oh, my vote is for gin …. vodka gives me a headache.

  5. Enough for 200 years! It is so close to those volcanoes! Couldn’t that be a problem? maybe we’d better get it out of there before it destroys the world!!!!!!!!!!

    I see explosions and disasters and terrorist plots from the center of the Earth!!!! Melting ice is only a tip. Wait!

    Actually melting ice is good – fresh water! Maybe a company could go there and bottle it, call it Arctic melt and charge $5 a bottle?

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