Feith in the House!

Wow, so guess who actually honored his subpoena! None other than one of the stupidest people on the planet, Douglas Feith! Unlike Mixmaster Rove, who knows better than to face the beat of justice, Feith’s ego has always been his downfall. Which is funny, because the dude couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight in both hands. Not really much to be proud of, but renown, at least on the other side of the pound, Phillipe Sands was one hand as well!

See Sands talked mad clown shit about Feith in his Vanity Fair article. Torture this, torture that, and got Feith to say all kinds of crazy shit on tape. On tape! Stupid neocons, they learned nothing from Nixon.

Anyhoo, Feith is such dumb sack of rocks he actually boasted to Sands, on tape remember, that he was a key player in the Guantanamo interrogation policy. Recently! The whole world is whisper about how the once proud American democracy has gone whole turkey on torture. Mulling over how to hold American officials liable for war crimes, and where to find the evidence.

And here’s Feith, showing everyone that his porch light is on and no one is home. Make pop corn! The dumb son of bitch showed!


Catch it the torture fever:

07/15/2008 23:45:12 07/16/2008 02:53:15 C-SPAN 2

Here are my notes:

1) Holy shit! Feith is going under oath! How did the Congress swing that! Oddly, his hand didn’t burn when he swore, so lost that beat.

2) So it begins, you can totally tell Feith wants to cut Sands’s balls off. See, Feith wrote a review of Sands’s book, “Torture Team”. Needless to say, he poop-pooped it. He said he was totally taken out of context, and that Sands was basically slandering him and the Administration with half-truth and lies. Sands kind of giggles, and reminds Feith about the tape. Feith acts surprised there’s a tape. Like I said, he’s one dumb son of a bitch.

3) Feith cannot recall if he saw the 2002 Torture memo drafted up by Yoo-Yoo. I love that Republican line, cannot recall. Reagan made it popular, but the Bushites have made it their own. Never mind he said he was a key player in the torturing, or so he bragged to Sands. I guess know that there are whispers of war crimes trials, his memory is getting shady. Then again, his utter stupidity is big as all hell and half of Texas. And yeah, that tape!

4) The House members aren’t amused, except for the evil son of bitch Pence from Indiania. More on him later. Feith has the gall to say something along the lines of, “You have to see how it looked to us.” Let’s see, a memo saying the Geneva Convention was not valid. Yep, war crimish. But hell, I am just surprised Feith can actually read. It’s good to know he didn’t see the memo that he says we have to see how it looked to him. I wonder if he realizes just how idiotic he looks saying things. I mean, he’s no longer standing next to Bush, so he’s relative intelligence to that bumblefuck can’t say him now.

5) Chairman calls bullshit on that, which he should, because the Geneva is pretty set in stone and bones. But Feith demands that Congress look at the memo like they did! I guess that would require rosy colored glasses, stained red by the blood of the innocent. I wonder if Feith realizes that he just admited the Bush Administration, and himself, broke the Geneva convention. That torture memo is like that suitcase from Pulp Fiction, anyone who sees it will die, hanging from the gallows at the Hague. Plus, I mean poor devils, now Yoo, Cheney, Powell, Feith, Bush, Ashcroft, Rice, and Rumsfield all have to cancel their post-administration blow out trip the Cannabas Cup!

6) Feith then tells Congress they weren’t against it then, if they were they would have said something. You know, like how Bush said America doesn’t torture. Or how said memo that would have told them that Cheney was loose with a gimp at Gitmo was totally double-super-duper-extra top secret, so how the fuck could Congress know anyway? But by asking why Congress wasn’t against torturing the heaven out of enemy combatants then, he again admits there was torture, furthering the case against Cool and the Gang for war crimes. His stupidity is boundless.

7) Sands up to bat. Did mocks the living shit out of Feith, reminding him he has the dude on tape bragging but stepping on the ball sacks of teenage boys in six-inch stiletto heels. The Congress Critters are loving it, until Sands also turns his wrath at them. Sands reminds them they have over-sight, so they are guilty by omission in this mission of torturious submissions. The membership of this committee, realizing they have a truth-teller on their hands, turn the questioning back to Feith, who is a rather easy target.

8) Feith Money Quote: “When people say the US has engaged in torture, it is not well grounded.” Besides the memo? Besides the tapes now surfacing? Besides the countless photos from Iraq? Besides the Feith himself bragging on tape to Sands about it? That’s more ground than wearing rubber boots in a sand lot. He then goes the bad apple route. Says Bush had nothing to do with this, except authorizing it. Jesus Feith is stupid, and the dude was Undersecretary of State! He meet world leaders! Ah, the face of America, feel free to giggle or cry.

9) Okay, I don’t know much about the 6th District of Indiana, but they got one fascist asshole for a Congressman. Goes by the name of Pence. Starts off with the standard Republican bull, thanking Feith for his service to the country, all apple pie and baseball and shit. Then it gets good.

10) Pence money quote: “People back in my district don’t worry about common article 3.” Really? Then I’m packing a suitcase of rubber hoses and knives and heading to your house buddy! Geneva Convention is off in Indiana! When I go there to have baby back ribs, I am gonna have real baby back ribs, preferably from a reputable orphanage mind you. And if some dumb local gets in my way, I well just water board his ass with year old bong water, because they just don’t bother their beautiful minds about the Common Article 3!

11) Pence money quote 2: “It is imperative the US be about the rule of law, but to extend POW status to Gitmo detainees would have harmed America.” Yeah, the world might have found out our war on terror was about as reality based as our war on drugs. The world might have found out we were sodomizing teenagers. The world might have found out that there were war crimes afoot. That’s what I love about Republicans, when they say the security of America, they really mean their own personal security. And for some reason, the oafs of America just swallow that shit like pigs at a trough.

12) Ladies and Gentlemen, the comedy styling of Steve King of Iowa!

“The funny part about waterboarding, is that doctors say we are not drinking enough water, and now we forcing people to drink to much water!”

In the hallowed halls of Congress? Are you for realz Steve King? Are you for realz? Even Pence whenced at that one, and the whole lot of them had to take break. I am sure this comment will be all over the MSM, in an alternate reality where logic and reason reign.

13) Now Feith says there was torture, but it was just bad apples and not policy. Someone must have tipped him off during the break that he had de facto admitted there was torture in the earlier session. He’s getting a glazed look in his eyes, I think he needs a nap.

14) Sleepy Feith slips up! He was going off on a tangent about  what Rumsfeld said in the torture memo. Some savvy member of the committee points out that Feith said he never read the memo. But here he is saying he knows what Rummy said because he was in the key meeting about the memo with Rummy. Jesus Christ Feith, didn’t Addington prep you at all for this?

15) So realizing he is now in contempt of congress for lying under oath, the membership is ready to adjourn and probably getting ready to sweep this congressional record of war crimes evidence under the next rug they can find. But not without Feith doing what the Republicans accuse the Democrats of all the time, not supporting the troops. In fact, Feith tries to pin the whole war crime episode on the troops!

Final Feith money quote: “The troops were the bad apples.”

God bless America.  


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  1. but the Bush Administration is The Rot!

  2. and excellent essay. Thanks.

    I wonder how far congress will pursue this.  

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